Kevin Martin vs. Chris Paul in the Battle of the Babyface.
This morning we were watching last night’s highlights on NBA TV, and they referred to Kevin Martin of the Kings as “The Baby-Faced Assassin.” Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Clearly they are mistaken, for everyone knows Chris Paul is The Baby-Faced Criminal.
Really, I think there are two major questions we need to ask here. First, who is more baby-faced? For your convenience, the head to head comparison. I don’t know, guys. I don’t think you can get any more baby-faced than Chris Paul. Look at him! Second, who is the bigger assassin/criminal?
Here’s what I’m saying: JUST WHO DO YOU ASSASSINATE IF YOU PLAY FOR THE SACRAMENTO KINGS? I mean, they aren’t that terrible, but they’re eight games under .500.
Also, I don’t think you are really allowed to call someone a baby-faced assassin who scores 48 points in a loss to the T-Wolves. In fact, the Kings are two of Minnesota’s 13 wins.
NBA TV, you fail.
Obviously, there is no contest guys. CP3 probably gets carded whenever he walks in a place that sells alcohol…if it’s in a place remote enough not to have heard of Chris Paul. They probably don’t let him in PG rated movies without his older brother or if LeBron is with him. He has the ultimate baby face in the NBA.
Now THAT’S when he’s not playing.
When he’s on the court playing he can look like the Wise Man of the Mountain…or a serial killer. He squints his eyes and punches the air with his fists and creases his forhead and grimaces his mouth. He looks NOTHING like a baby face. He’s a MAN…and a MAN who has come to do a job and he’s going to get right down to it. And if they fall by the wayside….they’re not taking prisoners. ….Apple….
It’s a tough call, in this picture, Martin may look like he’s playing in the McDonald’s All-American high school game. And as much as I hate to say it, Appleita does have a point here. CP can look vicious during a game. Almost like a MAN. After a little work, I found this obscure interview by Jordy Hultberg with CP after a game, early in his career, when asked about his youthful visage.
JH: So some players underestimate you because of your baby-faced appearance. What do you say to those guys?
CP: I’m not a baby, I’m a MAN. A basketball MAN. I’m a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That’s what kind of man I am. They’re just ballers with small brains. With brains a third the size of mine. It’s science.
JH: I couldn’t agree more, Chris. So how would you analyze your play tonight in this big victory for the Bees?
CP: I don’t know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal. I’m very important. I have many leather-bound Air Jordan shoes and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
JH: Um. Okay. Bob and Gil, back to you.
And there you have it. CP is in fact, a MAN. But maybe despite CP’s protestations the question remains, is he a man with a baby-face and an ill intent toward all foes?
Let’s not forget that the Hornets are one of the T-Wolves’ wins as well.
But… they aren’t TWO of the T-Wolves’ wins.
The Phoenix Suns, I think, are the other team on that short list.