Hornets Hype

The 18,280: Hornets, we need to talk. It’s the beginning of the 4th quarter. You’re down 89-81. Deep breath. Whaaaat are you doing?

Hornets: Trying to shave this lead down to under 8 points and failing?

The 18,280: Do you want to win this game?

Hornets: Yes.

The 18,280: No, I mean, do you really want to win this game? Because you’ve got to want it.

Hornets: Look, Chris Paul is sitting because of foul trouble. We’ve got our backups in, and Jannero Pargo, who hasn’t been able to hit the broadside of a barn in approximately the last six games, is running the floor. We’ve got David West, who’s got to be getting tired because we’re pretty sure he’s planning to play the entire 48 minutes. And every time we get it close, they take us right back out of it again.

The 18,280: You remember San Antonio? You remember they were getting physical, and you were getting taken out of the game, both mentally and on the scoreboard. You remember how we decided we weren’t going to let cheap shots and shoddy officiating cause our team to lose the game. And we started to boo. We booed them every time they touched the ball, on every single possession, for the rest of the third quarter and into the fourth. I think we singlehandedly made them throw the ball out of bounds at least three times, so rattled were they by our incessant and hostile booing. You weren’t expecting it, and neither were they. We just wanted to let ya know… we’ll do that again. We’ll do that for you.

Hornets: We admit, we could use the help.

The 18,280: I mean, we will go off. But we need a sign. You’ve got to give us a sign.

Jannero Pargo: 3 points! 2 points! 91-90 Boston.

The 18,280: Right, you want it? We’ll help you get it. But we’re warning you, it’s gonna get LOUD in here.

Celtics: Damn, this sucks. We haven’t scored in over five minutes. We had this game locked down, and now we’re throwing the ball out of bounds, or directly into Bonzi Wells’ hands, and 90% free throw shooters are missing. What the hell is this? It’s like a friggin’ voodoo curse. Why are these fools booing us? What did we even do? WHAT THE HELL?

Hornets: We’re on a 9-0 run! We can win this game.

The 18,280: Damn right you will win this game.

Byron Scott: I want to talk to CP3. If only he could hear me. Oh well. Nice corner shot there.

Hornets: Can I ask you something? Why did you do it?

The 18,280: Well, to be honest, you needed us earlier this season. And we weren’t there for you. New Orleans wasn’t there for you. We feel awful about that, we really do. We’d like to make it up to you. We want you to stay, you know. We’re really trying here. We may come to the party late, but once we’re there, we don’t half-ass it. We’ve sold out the last 8 out of 13 games. We’ve got a 9-game winning streak at home. Tonight was the largest crowd of the season. In the last three weeks, we’ve shown the Jazz, Spurs, Lakers, Rockets, and Celtics that you can’t expect to come into this building and win. We are not who we were in December. And neither are you guys.

Hornets: Ya know, it was just two months ago that every city’s paper was writing articles making jokes about our “home court advantage.” This is… It’s magic.

The 18,280: No. It’s you.

In the words of the opposing coach, Doc Rivers, “David West single-handedly destroyed us.” You taking note, Rafer Alston? Those of us in the Big Easy have known all year that D-West deserved his All-Star spot. And last night he proved it big-time. Many people have called for Garnett to get the Defensive Player of the Year award, especially if he misses out on the MVP. Well, tonight, D-West said otherwise, putting up 37 points on Boston’s big man.

Hornets’ coach Byron Scott called it a “quiet” 37, which it was, because until we looked up at the player of the game stats, we had no idea he had scored that many. But this is why David is so crucial to the Hornets. When we struggle with perimeter shooting, David offers an alternative: able to just plug away and hammer the paint points. He’s done it to the best in the West, and now he’s done it to the best in the East. He’s like a force of nature, and he’s going to carry us in the playoffs.

Don’t get me wrong, I love CP and Peja, and all the rest, but when it comes to the solid, easy, punishing points and drawing fouls, West is the man. David West.

Hornets 113, Celtics 106.

Do you believe?

Edited to Add: Oh, and our new “WHERE CHRIS PAUL HAPPENS” sign was on the jumbotron and on TV. We saw it on the CST feed… while we were standing in line at the Abita tap in the 3rd quarter. We just shook our heads. “Dumb. Fucking. Luck.”

Hornets vs. Celtics. Best of the West vs. Beast of the East.

We’re having dinner and heading out to the Pre-Game Buzzfest early! Hope to see lots of people there for $1/free beer.

I am covered in blue paint. Why, you ask?

Do you have to ask? Check out Section 105 tonight. The back row is rolling out a new sign…

CrowdWatch: You better have tickets, because this one’s been sold out for days.

Here, J.A. Adande makes the stunningly illogical argument that “since Kobe has his Lakers at the top of the Western Conference, he deserves the MVP.” No mention of Chris Paul in the entire thing. I’m most irate because, well, read it. Everything he says about Kobe today is the exact same argument that could have been made for Chris Paul on Thursday. You could substitute their names. But he didn’t wanna write one about Chris Paul, did he?

Someone asked why the omission of Chris Paul in his chat this afternoon, and he responded that “the Lakers were in first place when he wrote the article.”

Only stunningly illogical because it was the Hornets who were in first place as recently as 20 hours ago. I bet he’s all annoyed he had to wait until the Lakers had a game in hand on the Hornets to post that garbage. Shit, who hasn’t been in first place in the Western Conference this week? This is what I’m saying.

It’s like, if you want to say you love Kobe, it’s your opinion. But don’t go giving reasons that apply equally as well to another player. That’s not an argument. That’s a biased opinion.

Like, see me? I have a biased opinion. But I’m not pretending not to.

I feel dirty even linking to this article.

HypeMeter: We wouldn’t touch this article with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

1. I didn’t like the trade. I heard the dude was mad crazy.

The Hornets have great chemistry, and they genuinely seem to enjoy being around each other, and I was worried that that would get messed up when you integrate a guy who’s been a locker room problem. Then he got here and played with good flashes, but appeared generally out of sync. Played aggressively, but took some junky shots. Then he got injured. Then he wasn’t on the bench because he “forgot to bring clothes that went with the dress code,” which we thought might be secret code for, “Seriously? Are you in B. Scott’s doghouse already? You just got here!” Then he was injured some more.

This week we have Bonziiiii. He outscored the Rockets 20-10 in the fourth quarter. And you know, after the Spurs game last week it occurred to me that if he’s an asshole, then the Hornets just might need an asshole. For instance, I am already starting to trust him to regulate if he’s on the floor and someone pushes Chris Paul around. He might get all up in the shooter’s face on D, he might gnaw someone’s leg off. He just has this crazy glint in his eye. You know what I’m talking about.

2. Please tell me someone else thinks the Jumbotron cartoon they debuted at last night’s game is the pure drug-induced fun I think it is.

I will describe it. First, the official headshot the Hornets use for Bonzi Wells is hilarious to begin with. His eyes are half-closed. He isn’t smiling. He’s wearing a headband, but you can’t see his head over the top of it because his head’s sort of tilted back. So it may be a turban. He may be high. It may, in fact, be an actual mugshot. No one knows.

So. Some interns in the Hornets’ office got high this week and decided Bonzi’s emergence needs to be celebrated by a fun Jumbotron graphic they can roll out when he scores. I will endeavor to do it justice.

First there is a bonsai tree. Yes, a little green cartoon tree. Which says BONZI over it in Japanese-esque lettering. Then they pop up his headshot. It starts really small, then it spins, growing bigger and bigger until it fills up the screen. This would be way less funny if it wasn’t a headshot that has the ability to SCARE SMALL CHILDREN.

I swear, this thing kills me. I laughed so hard.

3. When the team came back from halftime, I saw him standing near the bench chatting with the suit-clad Rasual Butler and downing a Red Bull.

Practice? Bonzi don’t need no practice. He needs Red Bull, bitches.

Sometimes I sit at night and wonder what would make the Hornets a better team in the Western Conference.

And then it came to me in a flash of inspiration.

You know it. ‘Cause I have 5 hours left of work before I’m off on vacation for 11 days.

I. Can’t. Wait.

90-69. Hornets let their second half game do the talking. Well, CP3 did some talking too.

“Tracy McGrady is a great player. If I was Rafer Alston I’d probably ride his coattails too.”

“I feel like you can make a statement with the way you play. But some guys like Rafer Alston like to run their mouth … that just added fuel to our fire tonight. D-West, that’s my guy. For him to say he’s not a star, I mean let’s see what All-Star Game he’s played in.”

“When you got somebody like Rafer Alston who thinks they’re a lot better than they really are, you gotta test them.”

HA! Some might say he should just play, and not bother with lesser players like Alston. I say, he’s the leader of the team. The last game he got into it because Tyson and Alston were having words after the game. This time he has D-West’s back all the way.

The way I see it, he didn’t start shit. He just finished it.

And look, ESPN Love! Don’t Mess With the Hornets!