Hornets Hype

Okay. So there was a basketball game last night. Apparently the whole point of it was to determine that the Hornets will not win the series in 4 games, but either 5, 6, or 7. As we at Hornets Hype don’t feel that determination is all that important, we choose not to comment on this game, but check out the recaps at At The Hive or Hornets247 for that.

Rather, we decided to give you all a tangently-related sneak peak into the upcoming summer blockbuster, co-starring the Mavs’ own Josh Howard: Harold, Kumar, and Josh Howard Go to Popeye’s. Read on.

Harold: Josh, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?

Josh Howard: Dude, I don’t even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible chronic – next thing I know I’m being thrown out of a moving car. I’ve been trippin’ balls ever since.

Kumar: That’s crazy, dude. We’ve been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We’ve just been driving around looking for Popeye’s but we keep getting sidetracked.

Josh Howard: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget Popeye’s, let’s go get some reefer!

Harold: Huh?

Josh Howard: It’s a Bees Nest in here, bros. I keep seeing them everywhere.

[Harold and Kumar exchange looks]

Josh Howard: Let’s get some pot, now, and THEN go to Popeye’s. It’s not something I’m needing. But it’s the offseason. So I gotta get it NOW.

Kumar: No, Josh, you don’t understand. We’ve been craving spicy chicken all night.

Josh Howard: Yeah, I’ve been craving spicy chicken, too. If by spicy chicken you mean Ganja. Come on, dudes, it’s not like I have to have it. But it’s the offseason. At least that line works on Stern and Cuban.

Josh Howard: [singing] I love my Mary Jane!

Kumar: [pause] There’s a gas station. I’m gonna see if I can get some directions.

Josh Howard: You don’t need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I’m losing my high.

[they park, pause]

Josh Howard: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry…

Kumar: Look, chill.

Harold: We’ll be right back, Josh.

[they exit the car]

Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Josh Howard? Why is he so eager to smoke?

Kumar: Dude, look who’s talking. [Stops] Whoa. I just got the weirdest sense of deja vu.

Harold: Maybe it’s because his team got crushed by New Orleans in the playoffs last year.

Kumar: Haven’t we done this all before?

Harold: I guess that kind of a beating would make me want to get high too.

Josh Howard: [leaning out of the passenger side car window] It’s the OFFSEASON guys!

Instant Hollywood gold. No word yet if Mark Cuban’s movie production company was involved or if Josh is planning on doing any further acting. Don’t look back for updates on the movie. But do watch the game on Sunday. It’s still the season.

Insert foot. Or see Scott go to the finals as both a player and a coach. Not content with his 32% shooting from the field, or his 29% 3-point percentage, Jerry Stackhouse decided to try and hit something with his mouth. He had this to say on his weekly radio show:

“I think it’s just about having personalities that mesh and I think Chris [Paul] is such a great guy, I think he’s been able to kind of deal with Byron Scott. I don’t think Byron Scott is the best coach. I don’t think he’s the best guy to deal with — you know what I’m saying? — from some things that I’ve heard from other players and just some dealings that I had with him earlier in the season.

“I was about ready to kick his ass — you know what I’m saying? He was sitting on the sideline and we just got into a little conversation or something and he was going to tell me, you know, ‘Talk to me when you get a ring.’ I was like, I told that fool, ‘If I played with Magic and Worthy and Kareem I’d have a ring, too. So, you know, he’s a sucker in my book, but that’s a whole other story.”

Really. And what does Stackhouse think he’d have accomplished even had the Mavs beaten the Heat the other year ago (which they didn’t). What has he ever done? And in this year’s playoffs, he averages as many turnovers and fouls a game as he does assists. And by the way, Stack, Byron–as a player–averaged 13.4 points a game in the playoffs, while shooting 48% from the field and 40% from long range. Those are the numbers you need to contribute to a championship team.

Enjoy your first round ouster, Jerry. Again.

The Hornets better watch out.

All three teams who were down 2-0 won last night. Washington and Toronto did it at home. Houston took a rare one on the road in Utah (but then, Utah had already won a rare two on the road in Houston, so it’s proving to be a weird series). The Hornets have looked impressive in the first two games in the series, but tonight is going to be huge. If Dallas takes one back, it’s a new series.

We’re going to find out who this team is tonight.

Speaking of this team, has anyone noticed that ESPN has been dispensing mad Hornet love lately?

* This article finally praised the Hornets, maybe overmuch, calling them “the most complete team left in the NBA.”

* John Hollinger gives the team almost daily attention.

* David West, Chris Paul, and Josh Howard talk about the influence of their shared college coach, the late Skip Prosser.

Meanwhile, the good ol’ boys who “played in the ’80’s, man” on TNT keep talking Mavs, Mavs, Mavs. Charles Barkley jumped on the CP3 bandwagon briefly a couple of weeks back, then promptly changed his mind and jumped back off. Never mind his ignorant “the Hornets play in a mausoleum” comment, which by the way, was immortalized by our favorite hometown signmakers, Apple and Larry, at the Arena.

So we’ve got the beginning signs of ESPN playing themselves off the $#*t List. And we’ve got TNT sinking deeper and deeper into the mire of Hornets hate…

Speaking of crowds, who caught the Toronto game? Wow. They’re so coordinated. Not only did they manage to all be wearing the proper color t-shirt, but they managed to coherently sing an entire “Ole.” The Hornets crowd is like a disorganized mob in comparison. It’s loud… but it needs work on its cheer coordination.

Finally, there’s a watch party tonight starting at 6:30 at Gordon Biersch, which is sort of the Official Bar of the New Orleans Hornets– if you didn’t know, they broadcast the Hornets postgame call-in show from G.B. after games, plus there’s a discount if you bring your program. You can also ask Joe Block a question on the air. I’m sort of ambivalent on watch parties, since the Hornets are 0-4 this year in games with an official watch party. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to drag my superstitious ass down there.

But then again, everything starts fresh in the playoffs! You should come on down and say hi. I’ll be the one wearing who’s a girl.

So I’m on my way to work, and I hear an unidentified Hornet on an Eric Hill Nissan radio spot. I’m like, “Oh, word. Another sketchy local ad featuring a Hornet! You know you’ve really made it when you get your own sketchy local ad.”

I missed the beginning of the ad, so here I am trying to figure out which Hornet player it was. I know it’s not CP3, West, Stojakovic, Peterson, or Chandler, because I know what they sound like. I know it’s not Pargo because he mumbles. I think, “What other Hornet is well-known enough to be in the Nissan ad, but at the same time not too cool to be in the Nissan ad?” I wonder to myself, “Julian Wright?”

On the drive home, I hear the same ad again from the beginning, and sure enough it’s Julian Wright.

Looking back, I should have known only the rookie is gonna have a Nissan.

So we’ve got JuJu in the Nissan ad, Mo Pete in the hilarious Morris Bart commercial (where he might be made of cardboard and the ball flies into the basket from the totally wrong angle), and CP in the A-1 Appliance ad (taking over from Reggie Bush). Are there any other Hornets in local ads that I haven’t seen/heard?

This post is dedicated to Peja on a Stick. I have nothing to say about it. It’s self-explanatory. The crazy speaks for itself.

Two Hornets + Tyson’s wife + ceiling fan repair man = Instant Win.

I just wanted to draw your attention to the Awesomest Video of the Week, brought to you by Alejandro de los Rios over at Best of New Orleans Blog. He told us about this interview last week, but it was just recently posted up at ESPN the Mag for your viewing pleasure. You really have to witness the awesomeness.

It’s a contest between Jannero Pargo and Tyson Chandler’s wife Kimberly to see which one of them knows Tyson best. You have to watch till the end for the best nickname for the 7′1 Chandler ever invented.

No, seriously. I challenge you.

That was nothing less than a masterful ass-kicking from start to finish. I think most Hornets fans were concerned about the fact that, going back to the last 10 games before the playoffs started, we haven’t seen consistent play throughout four quarters. Well, we saw what it looks like tonight.

It cannot be stopped.

Chris Paul. Again. 32 and 17 with 5 rebounds and 3 steals. Five other Hornets in double digits. West knocking down 11 of 17 (damn, it didn’t seem like he missed that many). And seriously? Did they watch the tape on West? How was he left alone for those couple of mid-range jumpers? Peja is just dirty. No, dirty. That shot where he waits… waits… and then after the defender flies across him and into the crowd, just sloooowwwly goes up and buries the dagger.

Giant Peja heads on sticks: whatever drugs the Hornets’ staff were on when they came up with that idea, I want in. In the 4th Quarter there was actually what resembled a Native American dance of sorts at center court with the Peja heads. To the tune of “Shout!” You can’t make this stuff up.

2-0. This thing is rolling. There’s still room on the wagon. Get on it now.

HypeMeter: The press conference is on NBATV right now. I laughed out loud at the question that was just asked of Byron Scott. “Coach, is there any way to defend your team when you look like that on offense?” LOL again at CP3 and D West coming in together, joking back and forth the whole way. “No, no, they said Haier, like the commercial, but I thought they were saying ‘on fire’…” (I have no idea what this conversation was about or where it started, but it was funny.)

Game one is behind us, but the rest of the series is still ahead of us. Watching the other games last night, ticktock and I tossed around how back and forth these things can be over seven games. Plenty of times a team goes up 2-0 at home, only to drop to 2-2 after their road trip. Imagine the peril of the game for at 2-1. You can be totally in control, up 3-1 with a win, or back where you started, all tied up, with a loss. So the Hornets need to make sure they get that far. (To 2-0). While someone at hornets247 astutely noted the other day, no game is a must win until you’re down to three victories for your opponent, this game may decide the series. With a team as good at home as Dallas is, it would be a disaster to go there 1-1 and expect to take one (or two) in an arena that we haven’t won in since 1999.

That said, both the Bees and the Mavs have plenty of good starters who can change the outcome of the game. But who makes the difference in this one might just be whoever comes off the bench and makes the biggest difference. It might have been Pargo’s defense on Terry in Game 1. Maybe it’ll be the same tonight. Or Bonzi or Ju-Ju with an offensive explosion or series of steals. Whoever it is, on either team, they’re going to have to adjust to how the refs call the game, and may be in to cover for other guys in foul trouble. They’re going to need to produce on both ends of the floor and weather runs by the other team.

I think it’s the Hornets bench that is more likely to come out hot. I don’t think the Mavs are going to “choke” like some fear, but rather that they’ll be outplayed by the Hornets. Other than Terry, I’m not sure that bench has the firepower to keep up with a team that has been hot on both ends of the floor this year. It’s not hubris, it’s not a prediction or a promise. Just my observation based on seeing eighty-some games this season.

This is for all the folks who keep getting here by Googling the search term “How tall is Chris Paul?” or other variants thereof.

I offer you this answer:

Taller than me, y’all. Taller than me.

Or here, I’ll be more helpful. I’m 5′6. The heels on my shoes are roughly 3 inches high. But my head is slightly tilted. So you know, like, you do the math.

Or I could be even more helpful and tell you that Chris Paul is listed as 6′0. But in actuality he’s probably 5′11.

Yes. You can now feel free to bow to his greatness.

And that’s my public service for the day. (Man, I am shameless when it comes to putting up that picture. That was totally gratuitous. You got me.)

So I’ll be the first to admit that one of the only consolations for having to miss Game One came from being able to see our very own David “Fluffy” West get up in Dirk Nowitzki’s face in the 4th quarter. And then watch the replay and be like, “He actually tapped him on the face. Wow. Wow. D WEST MOTHAFUCKAAAAS!!!!”

(If you missed it because you were at the game, and you probably were like, “Double technicals what? Eh, whatever” and/or were high on life during that part of the 4th quarter, shall we say… here it is at the bottom of the post, plus Bonus! Idiotic Commentary.)

Seriously? Would anyone have really noticed if Sir Chuck and Co. hadn’t gotten up to their old tricks during halftime coverage yesterday, talking about how they’re “from the 80’s, man” and they would have punched him or sent a thug after him? mW just watched the clip and noted that the way this whole thing has been blown out of proportion seems more homophobic than anything else. “OH MY GOD. YOU CANNOT LET ANOTHER MAN TOUCH YOUR FACE! THE WORLD WILL END!”

Come on. I’ve seen David West in angry-mode and that wasn’t it. He was pretty calm, Dirk was pretty calm. Obviously some explicit language was tossed around, or there wouldn’t have been double technicals called. But he did NOT bitchslap, pimpslap, or any other sort of slap him. Yes, it’s a bit invasive to get all up in someone’s space and touch them like that, and it was a ballsy move on DX’s part, but how come no one brings up the fact that he’s obviously reacting to getting elbowed and telling Dirk to watch it? I mean, if you watch the whole play you can see him wiping the blood off his lip, plus the cut is clearly visible at the press conference. It’s not like West was like, “Oh, let’s go push around Dirk because he’s soft.” It was reactionary.

And both of them did the smart thing by not reacting further. Hello. They’re the #1 and #2 go-to guys for their respective teams, and it’s only Game 1. What do you think they’re going to do? Yet every time I turn around, there is another thing about this on the internet. “Dirk is soft! The Mavs should trade everyone and start over!” And, infuriatingly, every other one of them is like, “Who is David West anyway? Punk.” (I’m not going to bother to illuminate them at this time, because chances are if you’re here, you already know the beastliness that is David West.)

And finally, True Hoop is like, “Oh please.”

And Nowitzki did finish with 31 and 10. It’s not like he was emasculated by the event.

Let’s be honest: if the Mavericks had won that game, nobody would have said anything. Instead, they lost, and there is pressure on all involved to explain why the Mavericks lost. It has to be somebody’s fault. You could make a strong case out of the team’s habitual inability to slow supernova guards like Chris Paul. You could point to how well Jannero Pargo draped himself all over Jason Terry. You could also wonder when, exactly, Josh Howard will be ready to play his game again.

None of that is as sexy as signing up the most obvious Maverick for the most obvious criticism.