Hornets Hype

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The (Real) Diary of James Posey

By on November 10, 2008

So the official Hornets site is going to be featuring new fan fave James Posey’s thoughts from time to time this season. I thought the first installment was kinda tame, although the accompanying pic is all kinds of awesome. But whatev. The real James Posey is blogging right here on Hornets Hype. Witness a day in the life of Poz…

8:10 AM. Outta bed. Sunny. Good morning, 504!

8:20 AM. Was driving home from the game Saturday night, listening to the postgame show, when this dude calls in and says, “I have a question for you, Joe. I think my girlfriend’s about to leave me for James Posey. He’s just that awesome. Do you have any advice?” I shoulda called in and told him, “Ain’t nothing can be done about that situation.” The ladies love me. I know how to hustle, ya know what I mean? Yeah, you do.

8:50 AM. My young man Juju called. Seems he read some shit about me possibly mentoring him, teach him some long-limbed defensive hustlin goodness. I said, go pick me up some breakfast and I’ll think about it. He asks, Do I want any coffee with that? But I tell him, No, son. Do I look like I need coffee? I wake up amazing. Still, I will instruct this young one in my ways. If it doesn’t go well, I can always kick him out of The Club. I was wearing tall socks when he was still in diapers. So I can always, ya know, hold that over his head.

9:20 AM. Ate bacon and champagne for breakfast.

11:56 PM. You will not believe this shit. This is what goes down in the locker room before practice today.

Me: So on the way here, I helped this old lady cross the street to get to the bus stop. She was real nice.

Chris: No way! That happened to me too. Plus I gave a homeless guy $500 on my way to City Hall to sit in on a meeting with Ray Nagin about the city’s crime problem.

Me: ………

The hell. That goody two-shoes. No one out-Poseys James Posey. Gonna have to watch this one carefully…

12:42 PM. Hit 200 threes in practice. They were all clutch.

2:50 PM. Uploaded pics from Halloween to MySpace. Partied on Bourbon Street with the fellas. I went as me. Self-explanatory.

3:35 PM. Hate off days. No one to dominate. I once went 12 hours without blinking, on an off day. Just because I can.

5:40 PM. Paul texted me. Said he missed my hug before the game last night. Texted him back and told him sorry, you know my hugs cost $5.5 mil a year. That’s just business. Haha. Then decided that was too mean and texted him a smiley. I ain’t running a charity operation here. Just kidding. I’m a good dude. I once stole Kobe’s sandwich, but I put it back.

6:23 PM. Dude on Canal Street asked me where I got my shoes. Beat that scamming motherf@cker up, and then told him, “In yo ass.”

8:45 PM. There was a spider above my TV, up on the wall. Was v. distracting. Stared at it until it burst into a teeny flame, sizzled, and died.

10:05 PM. Took relaxing shower. Sang. No, I won’t tell you what.

11:06 PM. Lake Show better watch out on Weds, is all I’m gonna say. Can’t outhustle a hustler. Been 4 months but they still wake up in the middle of the night, all sweaty, seeing a dark shadow looming over them, lunging for their souls, or maybe a loose ball. That shadow is me.



Comments

18 Responses to “The (Real) Diary of James Posey”

  1. I asked you this before tt6 but what size jersey do you wear cause I’m buying my fiance a customized one and she’s 5’5 about 98lbs so as a woman what do you think that is like a medium kids? Just curious trying to get her into the Hornets so we are gonna support the team vs the clips(laker tickets are crazy expensive and I can’t argue with laker fans cause it’s usually in spanish).

  2. oh and um…somebody ask nba.com what their malfunction is, I got it utah is doing better than we are so they can be up in the power rankings but we spanked cleveland so to have them higher than us because (gasp) they beat the bulls…..so to put them above the team that shut down their allstar is just dumb.

  3. I wear a youth M, and I’m 5-6 110ish to give you an idea, but you actually have to tie it in the back. No big deal, I hook it in my belt loop. I could probably wear a S, but the neck is tight, and I don’t like that. They do have a (white/blue, not pink!) ladies Chris Paul jersey that’s fitted, but I’m not sure if you can find it online.

    Re: rankings, I still think it’s early enough that people are there because of rep, rather than because of results. Like Dallas is still up there in a bunch of the rankings, and they’ve won 2 games. And Toronto and Atlanta get the shaft because they weren’t expected to do well so far.

  4. I overheard James Posey merely thinking “James Posey don’t write no muthafuckin’ diary; the diary writes for James Posey.”

    Next thing you know my shoes are gone.

  5. “No one out-Poseys James Posey” – This one killed me. You are using some heavy drugs TT, oh yes you are ;-)

  6. “Do I look like I need coffee? I wake up amazing.”

    So much LMAOness in there. Great stuff.

  7. There are a lot of young teams that are capable of upsetting anybody out there but due to their experience I won’t count out the mavs over la they have a big duo in dirk and dampier to hold off bynum and gasol they have the jet who is a pretty good defensive player and aside from that they have a good distributor a veteran player like stack and of course the infamous j howard who is still a pretty good player so I wouldn’t count them out. Course I’m only saying this hoping they slow them down before we play them on wednesday nobody likes a team with a lot of momentum. Just hope our announcers jinx them all night by saying stuff about how they are undefeated and how nobody was able to do this(everytime they say that it works out the opposite “hasn’t missed a free throw all night” airball……”haven’t beaten them in four years” lose by ten, damn announcers and their powers)

  8. Holy crap, that’s hardest I’ve laughed in the last 48 hours.

  9. Way to out me at work by making me laugh hysterically repeatedly TT6….

  10. NM Hornets fan says:

    Thanks for the laugh…. needed it with the way this work day had been going

  11. All star voting is coming up make sure to vote for your Hornets and if you vote for anyone else vote for the least likely to win, that way you aren’t adding votes to someone likely to squeeze out a Hornet MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT’S A GENIUS PLAN!!!!

  12. Michael, tonight’s game with the Lakers (speaking as a Mavs fan) was abysmal. I wouldn’t credit the Lakers completely for the stops in the third and fourth, but rather the inability of the Mavs to create. We took a bunch of pithy shots towards the end, and Jason Kidd seemed to be out of sync still. From this showing of the Mavericks, I see us battling for the last position of the playoff picture.

    The Lakers looked vulnerable, but the Mavericks could not capitalize. I may comment on potential things I noted from the Lakers tomorrow. My mind is just not willing to recall such trivial facts about a team I couldn’t care less for.

    Beat L.A.

  13. This was great stuff ticktock. I was laughing too like everybody else. I have to say I don’t think the Posey blog on the site is ever going to be able to match what you (uh, I mean James) wrote here, but then again, based on what you’ve guys have said, I should NEVER doubt James Posey. He might take my skepticism and decide to put Gilbert Arenas’ blog to shame and become the NBA’s most dominant blogger. Just because he can. :)

    I have to say though, I think you’re going to really enjoy Melvin Ely’s new blog on Hornets.com. It’s going to be posted within the next couple days, and I think Bee-Mail subscribers are getting the first read today.

    I saw his first one, and he talks about the fro he had for Opening Night, names his All-Hair Team (including Ben Wallace, etc.), talks about how he’s going to sport a Mohawk look at some point this season, and so forth. This will be right up your alley, ticktock.

    From the actual blog article, “Ely Elaborates”:
    “I dressed up as Shaft for Chris Paul’s Halloween party, where I had a ball. Part of my costume was to fro my hair out. All of my teammates kept asking me to keep the fro when they saw me out that night. So I decided to keep it for the home opener against the Cavaliers….
    “This season I plan to be doing a couple of crazy things with my hair. I am going to try to braid it into a Mohawk for a couple games. I may fro it out again. But keep watching my hair – there is more to come.”

  14. Oh, excellent, excellent. Bring on Ely!! :-)

    And the All-Hair team.

    P.S. You are right not to doubt James Posey. He’s like the monster under the bed. Seriously. He could be anywhere.

    UPDATE!: See? See? From ESPN the Mag interview with the Free Darko guys…

    MAG.COM: Off the top of your head, give me the five most evil forces that currently exist in the NBA, and rank them.

    FRIEDMAN: I think James Posey is evil. I can’t really explain why.

  15. Matt-Storm Surge says:

    tt6, he’s a freaking phantom, I tell ya! I dont if he’s a good or bad one, but he IS one! Camera dont lie!

  16. “12:42 PM. Hit 200 threes in practice. They were all clutch.”

    That’s killer. I love it.

  17. Posey's QC Chick says:

    Posey is a beast on and off the court. I’ve been loving him since 1996. He treats me like a queen so i don’t worry about the next chick.



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