Here’s what I want to know, ESPN. Why is this game at 8/7 Central? Don’t you know I look forward to Eastern Conference road games for the sole reason that they make me happy by starting an hour earlier, at six instead of the usual seven? Well, except for Indiana Pacers games, because I’m still not sure what time zone Indiana is in. (I was unaware of this ridiculousness till the preseason of this year, and I think I’m still not over finding out about it.) But really. Let’s get on with it, right? It is 5:54 and I should be two beers deep watching the pre-game by now. Thanks for ruining my entire evening schedule, ESPN.

And also.

Thanks, fridge, for having no beers inside.

Matchups:

Chris Paul vs. Rajon Rondo

Razwall vs. Ray

Peja vs. The M@thaf*ckin Truth

KG crawling like a dog vs. David West running past him and dunking

The Ceiling Fan Repair Man vs. Kendrick Perkins

Relevant Linkage:

Ticktock6′s Crush on Paul Pierce |  The Real Diary of James Posey | A Photograph of My Cat Jolee Bindo | An Actual Game Thread | Another Actual Game Thread

I’m just kidding. We don’t do game threads here. Now you know why.

UPDATE: Tyson Chandler not playing because he’s having random neck spasms. WTF, Tyson. We are totally not speaking. I officially am depressed in advance because of this impending blowout. Like I think I already feel tomorrow’s hangover. I believe in Hilton Armstrong, I believe in Hilton Armstrong, I believe…

In the storied recent history of this blog, we have promised to keep our honest eyes on Hilton and to tell you whether he’s progressing as expected or busting like so many other nobodies.  I start by pointing out how the man packed on the pounds in the offseason.  His dedication to improving involved more than just proving he can make shots or grab boards, but also has to do with what happens off the court and in the weight room.  (Cf. Tayshaun Prince.)  It has to do with how dedicated he was to improvement en whole.  Gold star number one.

So what differs from his much maligned last season?  The main difference this year has been his assertiveness.  He seems to have Coach Scott’s tacit approval at the 5 and doesn’t seem as worried about being yanked in favor of an ever-rotating selection of forwards/centers.  This is a good thing.  Hilton has responded positively, even if it is not always obvious from the stat sheet.

Hey, we give guys like Posey credit for making those “intangible” plays that don’t show up on the stat sheet, so why not Hilton?  How many tip-outs does Tyson get that don’t show up as rebounds, but everyone in the Arena knows are plays he made?  Same with Hilton.  He’s been aggressive this year.  He’s gotten boards some games, blocks in others. He’s hustled to make second effort plays, and made some nice moves in the post.  He runs well, and every now and then he can actually play defense without committing the stupid fouls that have plagued him thus far in his career.  

Bottom line: I like what I see.  He’s not yet TC.  He’s not Dwight Howard, Tim Duncan, or even Andris Biedrins.  But how many back-up fives are better than him?  Seriously?  Not many.  Name them. I dare you.  And can you honestly say that in the next year or so he maybe doesn’t evolve into a starter as TC ages?  I see it.  So should you.

SNEAUX!

OK, you got me. This post was completely gratuitous. This is only the 3rd time it’s snowed in New Orleans in the past 20 years, to give you out-of-towners an idea how special this is.*

So, the Hornets blew out the Bobcats last night. Peja was 5 of 6 from three, and Chris Paul hit every shot he took for 15 points and 15 assists. There. Now you have basketball content.

*Not for me, because I grew up in Upstate New York… but it’s still pretty.

The answer is nothing, right?

Wrong! As proven by tonight’s giveaway, featuring not one but two Chris Pauls. The Hornets are participating in Hardwood Classic Night, kicking it old school ABA style in New Orleans Bucs jerseys. (Damn, those shorts are small. The Hornets, it should be noted, will be playing tonight sans small shorts. That is to say, they will be wearing shorts. But they’ll be regular uniform sized shorts.) But if you want your two Chris Pauls, you have to be one of the first 8,000 people through the door. Which means you will have to forgo the dollar beers, alas.

There are probably still tickets available if you want to get in on this, because the Hornets are putting the revenge smackdown on playing the Charlotte Bobcats.

Meanwhile, over at At the Hive, Hornets GM Jeff Bower answers his phone calls…

Update: Meanwhile, it seems Jeff Bower really was on the phone, because the team seems to have traded Mike James to Washington for Antonio Daniels.

Tyson and Peja are terribly bored. So am I.

Where has the will to blog gone? Come to think of it, where has the team gone?

In case you weren’t aware, despite a worrying start, the Hornets still have the second fewest losses in the West, behind the Lakers. This could possibly have something to do with the fact that, oh I don’t know, they NEVER. FREAKIN’. PLAY. While most teams are up around the 21-22 games played mark, the Hornets have only played seventeen games thus far.

I was reading all this “blah blah why are the Hornets so terrible, they have such a cake schedule” stuff from the national media. But is it really a cake schedule? You have to wonder why the Hornets took so long to look like they were in sync this season. And you have to think the two-games-each-week stretches just might be a factor. (NBA.com: “The Hornets have a strange schedule, almost Euroleague like in its infrequency.” In fact, in games after they had 3+ days off, the Hornets went 4-3 last year. The most egregious example of this was the Game 7 home loss to San Antonio, which came after a random three day break in the middle of a hotly contested playoff series. This year the schedule has included FOUR breaks of 3+ days already. The Hornets are a whopping 1-3 following those breaks. And you know what practically no games in November/December means? Mad back to backs down the playoff stretch. So yeah, thanks, schedule makers. Really appreciate that.

So. To sum up, last night I fell asleep watching Rockets/Grizzlies. Someone please put out an APB.

LOST: One Southwest Division champion. Last seen wearing teal. If spotted, please return to New Orleans Arena, Girod Street, New Orleans, LA 70113. Come back soon. We miss you.

For the 1259th time in the last year or two it has become painfully obvious that national journalists do not watch the Hornets.  They do not know the Hornets.  And they simply don’t take the time to research the Hornets.  In yesterday’s ESPN Dime, Jalen Rose said the following:

I’m a big Chris Paul fan, and he should definitely be in the argument when talking about best point guards in the game, but to me, [Tony] Parker is the best point guard playing. He plays in a situation where it’s all about the pot of gold at the end. It’s all about the title for him. His statistics might not be 20 and 10 on a nightly basis, but that is because he plays with two other superstars. One thing about being a good teammate is the unselfishness to let others make plays. You have to do that in order for your team to be a championship contender. I’ve always respected that about his game. Paul is the most talented point guard in the game, but Parker is the best point guard.

Is Rose actually implying Paul gets his 20/10 selfishly?  What an idiot.  Anyone who has watched the Hornets more than once (read not Bill Simmons) knows that Paul is the most selfless player on the floor.  What apparently people don’t realize is how often Paul has 2/7 at halftime.  Then he puts up 16 the next quarter, while picking up 1 assist, and then goes 2/2 in the final stanza.  He is a uniquely talented man, who can score at will.  If he was selfish, he’d have 30/10 every night, punctuated by 40 and 50 point games now and then.  (As we wondered at atthehive the other week, what would happen if CP just decided to try to score every play?  Could he put up 60?  80?  100?  Could anyone stop him?)  If Paul was going for statistics only, he’d probably have more rebounds and steals too.  But as Paul himself said, “Some guys look to score.  I look to win.”

Moreover, Jalen Rose claims Tony Parker’s numbers are lower because there are two superstars on his team.  Timmy and Manu?  Fine.  How about those guys called West and Peja in Nola?  Besides, did Rose miss the fact that the assist leader is typically the man presumed to be the least selfish and most engaged in getting his teammates going?  Not to mention the fact that Paul had more 15+ assist games than anyone last year.  Listen, I love Tony Parker.  He’s clearly one of the point guards in the game.  But CP’s one of the best players in the game.  Honestly, if CP had played on the Spurs teams that Tony did, he’d have rings too.  Give him a few years to compare to Parker’s.  We’ll see what happens.

You could have just said how good Tony was, Jalen.  You didn’t have to bring CP into it.  Idiot.

NOEngineer posted this in the comments, and it really is a pretty cool take on how NBA teams are doing, and definitely a different take considering the Hornets came in third to last on Forbes’ recent list of the most valuable NBA franchises. So, if you had $285 mil, hell, you could buy them. They’re that cheap.

What it is: a chart that takes into account a whole bunch of factors like attendance, payroll, ticket cost, and size of the market… and spits out the Hornets as a monstrous statistical outlier. So basically, if you are a Hornets fan and you go to games, the return on your investment is WHOLE INCHES beyond what the rest of the NBA teams are doing. Check out the graphic here.

So, valuable according to Forbes? No. But are they valuable to us? Absolutely. I am very pleased to be getting such bang for my $1(000) buck(s). And imagine, they didn’t even take into account the dollar beers.

Anyway, guys, I’m too busy right now to post anything else. I’m sitting here on my couch watching ESPN and trying to decide who I love more: Brandon Roy or Paul Pierce? Seriously. I will be awake all night trying to figure it out. SERIOUSLY. Oh my god, and now they are trash talking each other. On my TV. It’s madness.

I’m out like the Phoenix Suns’ run and gun game…

You can tell from the stands when teams are happy and everyone is on the same page. You can see it during every timeout huddle, you can see it with how they interact and support each other, and you can see it with the way they carry themselves. So last night at the Phoenix game I studied the Hornets like a marriage counselor. With a PhD. Here are some observations…

Pre-Game

The starters circle up. Chris Paul’s hand touches David West’s butt.

Posey stands by the scorers’ table offering some man loving to Peja and D-West, but they’re having none of it. He gets a taker in CP, and they have a prolonged hug. Oh, Posey. Why won’t you whisper in my ear?

At the end of the bench, Ryan Bowen tells Sean Marks a joke. Marks doesn’t get it.

1st Quarter

11:04 Morris Peterson and Julian Wright leap off the bench in happiness as Peja takes a shot. Interesting. I read on ESPN.com that the Hornets are not happy. Oh, Hornets, you’re so tricky. Fooling me with your fake camaraderie and joy.

8:16 Tyson Chandler dunks. Chris Paul hugs him around the waist. ‘Cause that’s just how tall he is.

5:45 Byron Scott smiles at assistant coach Kenny Gattison.

2:12 David West misses a shot. Chris Paul tells him all the missed long twos in the world can’t stop him from loving him.

2nd Quarter

11:23 David West returns from a bathroom break, towel on his head, to find that Melvin Ely has placed his nachos on D-West’s seat. In a touching moment, Ely, dressed in a plaid suit, offers to share.

9:33 Devin Brown falls under the basket. BUT! Hilton Armstrong helps him up.

8:00 The bench gets yanked for letting up an 8-0 run.

0:58 Rasual Butler smiles goofily.

3rd Quarter

10:49 Mike James is not a cancer on this team. I know this because he is sitting on the bench with his leg touching Mo Pete’s, and you know Mo would not let him do that if he thought he was contagious. He’s just misunderstood.

2:29 Julian Wright sings Hilton Armstrong a song he made up.

0:34 James Posey kicks up his feet, puts his head on Mo Pete’s shoulder, and they watch the Dance Cam together on the jumbotron.

4th Quarter

8:55 David West is sweating. Devin Brown offers to share his headband. It is the ultimate display of sacrifice and camaraderie. Because that is one bald man and that is a lot of sweat.

6:13 Peja and Posey are chatting just outside the huddle. Peja lays a hand on Posey’s chest. Clearly some deep expression of teammateship was just exchanged. I don’t know what it is because I sit in Row 26.

4:44 Hilton Armstrong hands Morris Peterson a cup of Gatorade. Sweetly.

2:18 JuJu tries to sing Chris Paul his song. CP stares past him with the eyes of a predator locked into its prey. That CP, he is just so mean and detached to everyone on court. Even his teammates, who only want to sing to him while CP is obsessing over silly things like closing out games.

1:06 Melvin Ely and Ryan Bowen surreptitiously clink plastic arena beer bottles together under their seats on the bench.

0:21 Byron Scott gives Chris Paul a celebratory butt slap as the Hornets roll 104-91.

This has been breaking news, brought to you by Hornets Hype. It’s breaking ’cause I WAS THERE. I saw it. That’s what makes news news, ya know. Stay tuned, people. To paraphrase a wise literary man, I’ll have grounds more relative than this.

The game’s the thing.