Hornets Hype

In a basement. In our pajamas.

Ledge Partay ’09!!!

By on February 3, 2009

As I mentioned last night, I am up on a ledge right now. I’m definitely not coming down till the results of Chris Paul’s MRI come back. But regardless of the diagnosis, I might be up here a little while longer. Just in case. ‘Cause I gotta be honest. I’ve kind of lost my trust right now. And what do you do when you’ve lost your trust in your coach and your team? Well, you huddle on your ledge and wait for a sign that it’s okay to come down.

But just because we’re on this ledge doesn’t mean we have to be in Great Despair. Naw, this ledge is gonna roll New Orleans style. We bringin’ the party up in here, ya heard?

So, in the spirit of solidarity, I am going to throw the ledge open to fans of other teams. But I think we gotta keep this semi-exclusive. Therefore, I took a look at the NBA standings and came up with a guest list.

1. You have to be a playoff team, but be a) underachieving, or b) terribly flawed, or c) afflicted by injuries and woe.

2. You have to be a team that was supposed to contend this year OR has been a contender in the recent past.

3. All you under .500 playoff teams in the East don’t count. Sorry, you’ll have to get your own ledge. Ours is kind of snobby.

Bearing those three rules in mind, here are the fanbases who I’m officially inviting to share our ledge.

Ledge Party Invitees

Detroit – Championship contenders for how many years running? They trade Chauncey Billups, and the team’s chemistry utterly falls apart. Still in the #6 playoff spot, but this fanbase has got to be reeling. Climb on up the ladder, Pistons fans.

Phoenix – Oh, Western Conference brethren, you have a place on our ledge anytime. First they trade for Shaq, confusing the makeup of their offense. Then D’Antoni. Then they trade two guys who have been with the team awhile. And Steve Nash looks sad. Aw. Seven seconds or less to… what? No one knows. This team is having a huge existential freakout right now, despite Shaq having a resurgent year and still being in playoff contention. And what? Your All Star power forward is a great player but just can’t come up when LEADER NEEDED is flashing in bright lights? Have a brew, Suns fans. We have much to talk about.

Dallas – Dirk is sad. Chris is sad. Let’s be sad together, neighbors.

Utah – Man, I don’t really like the Jazz. But you are kinda the closest to being in our boat, just 3 games back in the standings. You had a year of mad crazy success, running to the Conference Finals. You thought you were in for great things ahead. This year you’ve got injuries to Boozer, Deron, and Kirilenko. Your pain is kind of worse than ours. As long as you promise to be polite about Chris Paul, we can party.

Totally Not Allowed to Crash Our Ledge

Boston – The Hornets have a 3-game skid. Pssshhh. The Celts had a 4-game losing streak. Y’all know what the view from the ledge is like, having resided there during Christmas/New Years holiday. So Ray Allen didn’t make the All Star Game and you lost to the Lakers. You’re 40-9.

Cleveland – So this is what it looks like, up here, where you’ve spent the last couple of years, you with your one dominant star and supporting cast that couldn’t pull it together. You ain’t up here now. We stole your ledge. Haha.

Orlando – Losing Jameer Nelson last night to a shoulder injury sucks. But you’re still a little too successful to share our ledge. You and the Lakers should find your own to hang out on.

Lakers – See above.

Houston – You guys fit all the criteria. Unfortunately, my dislike for Tracy McGrady and Rafer Alston borders on irrational. You’re like the party guest that I think would be fun, but ultimately you run the risk of someone getting drunk and a fight breaking out. This ledge is kinda high up, so for safety’s sake, you guys are barred. But really, I doubt you care, because you’ve been on your own ledge nearby for so many years running that you’re kind of clinging and twitching and didn’t even notice we were up here.

Basement Dwellers – Our ledge isn’t really big enough for all of you, and anyhow, I think we’re going to party pretty loud some nights. Which will probably piss you off, seeing as you just do not have as much to celebrate about.

And now, the question I’m sure you’re all asking yourselves– why come to our ledge? Why not camp out and weather the bitter winds of the midseason slump on our own respective hunks of rock? Well, we’ve got booze. And it’s about to be Mardi Gras on our ledge. We’re gonna do it up in style.

It’s a party. On a ledge. What else do you have to do up here?

UPDATE ON THE STATE OF CHRIS PAUL’S GROIN (ew): It’s a mild strain. He’s not going to miss the All Star Game. He might sit out the next one or two, though… Throw me a rope ladder. I’m not saying I’ll use it. But I give you permission to throw it to me just in case.

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19 Responses to “Ledge Partay ’09!!!”

  1. I vote yes to the fans of Houston and no to those of Utah, based on the irrationality of the respective fanbases. But whew on CP.

  2. You want to disinvite Jazz fans? Harsh.

  3. Jazz fans can be douches at times. And when I say at times I mean a lot.


  4. YoungFella says:

    Jazz fans would suck at a party anyhow. No, I don’t want a fucking bible, blondie.

  5. The bottom ain’t so bad….it’s filled with cynicism, hi-jinks, and lots and lots of alcohol…..pretty much like real life.

    And that’s pretty much how us Wizards fans do.

  6. I do love hijinks. And alcohol.

  7. Phew…. it’s high up here.

  8. Matt - Storm Surge says:

    I need a drink. BAD!

  9. That was some serious dog poop in the fourth. I’m glad my kids didn’t see it. Is there an age requirement for the ledge? Also, why didn’t byron take a timeout to stop the bleeding? Was he trying to prove a point, or just catatonic like the rest of us?

  10. I vote we let Jazz fans find their own ledge; after all, we can’t have them corrupting our pity party with 3.2 beer. I hear they are like mountain goats anyway, used to camping on the ledge after the whole MJ “Michael or Michelle” thing.

    Apt words about Houston. They can’t even win a freakin’ playoff series, so we definitely don’t want their taint of desperation around. A fight would bust out…

    We might consider letting Hawks fans on the ledge, strictly a look and leave invitation, but they need to glimpse the mighty heights of hoops disappointment cuz one series vs the Celtics, while heroic, isn’t quite enough to stay on this ledge.

    I don’t think I’m coming down until Tyson and CP play a few games at the same time as all our starters, so I’ll fo’ sho’ be up in here thru the all-Star Game. Do you think I can bean alleged comedian what’s-his-fake-name Mencia during the Orpheus parade for all the moronic drool he spouted about New Orleans after the levees broke? It would take my mind off worrying about the Hornets awhile. I believe I can hurl a squishy satsuma that far from here…

  11. I have to admit, even in my foul mood I laughed my ass off at this comment. Props. This makes me think that the next time I purchase a handle of liquor in a Rite Aid, I should think of Utah… AND LAUGH.

    Also, Mencia can suck it. He’s not funny. I don’t know why he’s allowed to step foot in this city.

  12. Matt-Storm Surge says:

    You mean the next time you get a daquiri at the food court at the mall? 😆

  13. Nah, all props back at ya for making this ledge partay in the first place. I am a big Tiki maniac, so seeing the Hornets thatch hut on the side of the cliff gave me some perspective, along with a potent Zombie or three. I feel much better up here.

    I had to call some friends in Denver because bayou guys have serious problems when drinking at altitude. Hell, we can get a monster headache from just being at a these heights, and it’s worse if the Zombies pound ya back in the noggin. They said chew those charcoal hangover pills before you start drinking — now they tell me! One time I caught a headache from watching the Saints from the top row of the Superdome, but that was a blend of a altitude, a few Bloody Marys, and watching a Rick Venturi defense lose to Minnesota that year we shoulda made the playoffs.

    Anyway, I told those Denver dudes that whining about ‘Melo not making the All-Star game was turning them into baked brie loving chardonnay sipping know nothing fans, so they chilled. Dey axed if we’d let ’em hang because the Nuggets still don’t play D and are likely to bounce outta the playooffs faster than I can sneeze, so I said sure, as long as they bring the charcoal pills.

    Finally, I think we ought to let 76er fans join us. Let’s agree, we all owe Andre Miller for that foul that got us Free Chicken; also there was so much hype about Sixers scaling the mountain once Elton Brand bailed on the Clips, they are worthy. I know the Phillies won the Series, but Philadelphia fans understand sports futility pretty well and they promised a few cases of rum to keep the partay on. Just no “Rocky” theme songs was my only stipulation…

    It’s not too big a thatch roof here on the ledge, but it’s more fun to suffer schaudenfraude with a bunch of drinkers from the best of the rest in the NBA. Great excuse for a party!

  14. Addendum: Mencia has been DIS-invited. By the City of New Orleans. Bwahahaha!

    Yeah, I had an inner war over the Sixers. I said, no they’re the East. But then I said, no they were supposed to contend with Brand. And now that today’s news says Brand is done for the season, that makes me feel guilt. Maybe they should be invited after all. Come on up, Philly.

  15. Matt - Storm Surge says:

    I heard it was Orpheus that dis-invited him. Interesting that when I saw that news, I came here (to the ledge) first :)

  16. Well, technically Orpheus. But the whole city hates him.

  17. Matt - Storm Surge says:

    I am officially OFF the ledge watch. It is now a balcony party!

    “heya baby! Want some BEEAAADDSSSS?”

  18. […] Ledge Partay ‘09: Ticktock6 from Hornets Hype is on the ledge because of the recent setbacks of the Hornets. But she also asks other teams to join them on this LEDGE PARTY. Who’s invited? […]

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