Hornets Hype

The guys have the NBA Dance Team Bracket. This is for the ladies.

Tournament Rules:

1. It’s a freaking tournament for who’s the hottest team. There are no rules. Just kidding.

2. Teams were seeded based on where they were in the standings on Wednesday. The top two teams, the Lakers and the Cavaliers, received a bye. I didn’t seed according to hotness, although by coincidence the Lakeshow and the Cavs are pretty good-looking.

3. There is no East/West. The first round will consist of four divisions. Each one was named after a random hottie who happened to be in that part of the bracket.

4. If there’s someone on a certain team that I overlooked, or who only looks good from certain angles, or who only looks good to you but you feel you can make a persuasive argument, please post a picture in the comments! Hotness is meant to be shared.

5. If you’re a female NBA blogger or sports blogger, feel free to drop your link in the comments! I’d like to put together a link list, or maybe post one a day. Let’s celebrate ladies in sports blogging as well as hotness.

6. Voting will stay open until the entire round is over. Of course you can still vote if you’re a guy. It’s not like I can check.

And now, on to the matchups…

#16 Detroit Pistons vs. #17 Chicago Bulls

Matchup Preview:

How cute is Arron Afflalo? Damn. Why did someone not bring this to my attention? Seriously, though, trading Chauncey to the Nuggets for AI was a really strong move for the Pistons. AI is always gonna bring that bad-boy sexy charm to a lineup. Age doesn’t matter. Does the man look like he ages? Tayshaun, Tayshaun. I love me some Tay. I just wanna give him a big hug and then take him out to dinner. Not so we can have romantic conversation. Like, to eat.

Moving on to the Bulls, I’m not gonna lie to ya– they do not have a lot working for them behind Tyrus Thomas. Trading Thabo Sefolosha did not help. Actually, they made a rash of poor moves at the trade deadline. Acquiring Brad Miller and John Salmons does not say to me that you are serious about getting out of the first round of this tournament. I can’t make up my mind about Derrick Rose’s level of cuteness. And I managed to dig up some passably attractive pictures of Ben Gordon, but overall the Bulls roster was pretty sparse. Bottom Line: This team will go as far as (shirtless) Tyrus Thomas takes them.

#8 Portland Trailblazers vs. #25 Minnesota Timberwolves

Matchup Preview:

I think there is something incredibly sexy about Brandon Roy, but he’s not conventionally hot. I don’t know. Am I alone out there with this? The Blazers are an odd group to judge. They’re all young, and really, there aren’t a lot of “no”s in this locker room. But there also isn’t a lot of jaw-dropping hot. It’s like, I like them as friends. Jerryd Bayless might be kinda cute. He might also be 12. LMA and Trout aren’t standouts, but they’re solid. Rudy’s a cutie. The Blazers are that dude who’s slightly above-average, but whose personality makes them hot.

Meanwhile, ‘Sota is not a stacked squad. Maaaan, they are not. Fine. Let’s just put it out there. They are completely unfortunate-looking. I honestly didn’t know what to do with them. Mayo for Love might not have been the best draft night trade for their needs. Luckily, halfway through I discovered Ryan Gomes, and that made life a little easier for me (and my eyes). So, basically, we’ve got Gomes plus Randy Foye’s eyelashes with a dash of Sebastien Telfair thrown in because I had an extra space and he was the only other passable Timberwolf.

#9 New Orleans Hornets vs. #24 Toronto Raptors

Admittedly I’m biased, but I think the Hornets are one of the cuter teams in the league. Unlike in actual basketball, they’ve got some serious depth. Tyson Chandler’s one of my favorite hotties. And how can you go wrong with Chris Paul? He’s so all-American and smiley and stuff… well, except when he’s stealing people’s souls and humiliating defenses on court. Look how adorable David West is when he smiles (which is, approximately, never on camera, but lo, I have managed to capture a rare specimen of the D-West smile in the wild). I secretly carry a torch for the cuteness that is Mo Pete. And even James Posey kinda brings the sexy off the bench… although he might be an acquired taste. I didn’t see it at all when the Hornets first signed him. And behind him in the rotation, there are two or three more guys who could legitimately be counted as cute. But truthfully, Tyson and CP can probably carry this team into Round 2 on their own.

Partly because of their favorable matchup. The Raps are pretty rough. Sorry, Bosh and friends, but I had to dig to the very back end of the roster here. Who’s Kris Humphries? The hell if I know, but Toronto is gonna need every ounce of cuteness he has to advance out of the first round. Thank god for Anthony Parker. He’s a legit cutie. The remaining space on their collage is filled out by dudes who aren’t quite as “eh” as the rest of the roster.