Hornets Hype

Why? Because I’m your host, and I’m female. Why not?

This is the second half of the Sweet Sixteen. If you missed the first half, you can still vote in it right here. Check here for the rules. And you can review the action that went down in Division 1, Division 2, Division 3, and Division 4 of Round One. Hotness after the jump!

#19 Charlotte Bobcats vs. #30 Sacramento Kings

Matchup Preview:

Previously, I was enamored of the smirking Bobcats and shirtless Raja Bell. They beat the Suns, which was a bit of bad bracket luck for Phoenix, since they are pretty hot themselves and probably would have advanced if paired with another team.

The Charlotte Bobcats have some All Stars on their roster. (Well, technically they don’t. But who wants to be an All Star at basketball when you can be an All Star at being smokin?) How can you go wrong with Emeka Okafor? The correct answer is, you can’t. Because he’s hot. Boris Diaw is hot, and French. Raja Bell is just hot. Rawwwrrr. (That was a tiger noise. Or a bobcat noise. It was whatever you want it to be.) And how cute is lil DJ Augustin? Admittedly I might be biased because he’s from New Orleans, but come on. You know what? I don’t have anything else to say about the Bobcats. The hot speaks for itself.

Sactown handled the defending NBA champs easily. But after the Hornets’ game against the Kings on Tuesday, I am totally rescinding Francisco Garcia’s cuteness. He did the creepiest, douchiest insect dance after hitting a big shot in the fourth, and well, it was just not hot. As for the rest of the Kings:

Life is all about making discoveries. Like today, for instance. Today I discovered Jason Thompson. He’s cute. So is Kevin Martin. He’s one of those ones who’s also 12, but it’s a cute 12. Thinking he’s a hottie makes me feel kinda like a child molestor, but Wikipedia informs me he’s actually only two years younger than me, so hey, let’s rock. Sactown is a young team with some potential. Francisco Garcia has a certain kind of attractiveness. Khloe Kardashian is annoyed that I cut her out of the pic of her ex, Rashad McCants. Well, you know what annoys me? Having to waste my time cutting Kardashians out of photos of the fourth hottest guy on the Sacramento Kings. Sit down, Khloe. And finally, Ike Diogu. I don’t think he’s hot, but clearly some chicks in a pool do. As well as the rest of the college girls with whom he’s drunk on the internet. Oh come on. What else was I going to do with that picture?

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#22 Indiana Pacers vs. #27 Memphis Grizzlies

Matchup Preview:

I love it. Two young teams going at it. The Pacers weren’t the strongest team, but they had enough to get past the Mavs.

They have a bunch of white guys with floppy, dirty-blond hair who all sort of look alike.  They have Danny Granger! I think Danny Granger is totally cute (yeah, New Orleans, holding it down in the hot man bracket!). I wanna give him a hug and build him a batcave. Jarrett Jack totally does it for me, but TJ Ford does not. Guess that about sums up where I fall with regard to the Indiana Pacers point guard drama. This Travis Diener is skinny and underage but sort of charming, if you’re into boy bands. I tried to figure out if Rasho Nesterovic was cute, but every picture I could find was the back of his head as he was getting scored on.

As for the Grizz, they rocked the (remarkably unhot) Rockets, and here they are! Now they’re going to try to power past the Pacers.

Memphis is totally looking to throw the correlation between crappy basketball and ugliness out on its ass. They’re kind of a disgrace to the game sometimes, but they’re young and fast. They’re led, in all the most important ways, by cutie Rudy Gay. Hakim Warrick, Mike Conley, and poor misunderstood Darko combine to bring solid support off the bench. OJ Mayo just flat out has style. Even when he’s not wearing clothes. What? Shirtless is a style.

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#7 Denver Nuggets vs. #23 Golden State Warriors

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How’d Denver get here? They took down the baby Thunders in a close one. (Aw. Tip for OKC: Grow up, bulk up, and take some posed shirtless shots and you’ll be golden.) What I said about the Nuggets last time:

I feel the same way about the Denver Nuggets that I feel about the Utah Jazz. They play in a state with mountains. They wear light blue. And they have weird hair. Yet here I was, combing through the roster in search of hotness. I picked Melo because he always looks goofy-happy and I like his new look. Dahntay Jones. I think he’s pretty good-looking, except I really have to note that in every third picture of him that turns up on Google image search, he’s deep in a man hug with some dude. I’m not about to draw any conclusions from that. I’m just putting it out there. So there I am at the end of the roster, and I get to Sonny Weems. I wasn’t about to even click. The usual reasons: never heard of, last in the alphabet, starting to get bored… Hello, unexpected surprises! He’s ADORABLE. He was such a cutie I put him in twice (top left, bottom center). But I didn’t really feel justified in putting him in more, like maybe over the top of J.R. or Linas (sorry, guys), because he’s technically in the D-League right now. He’s a quasi-Nugget.

On the Warriors’ side, they defeated the Jazz. It was a bit more one-sided than I expected. This one is mostly Kelenna Azubuike (the ladies love him) with a dash of help from some others:

Kelenna Azubuike was all, “Me me me. You know you want to make a collage of ALL ME,” but I reminded him this was a team contest. And Corey Maggette was standing on the other side of me, like, “Me me me!” which is, you know, nothing unusual, considering. Still, Azubuike’s the obvious highlight of the Warriors’ roster. This guy is just pretty. Even his MUGSHOT on NBA.com is smokin’. Seriously. And he stands out all the more because it’s one of (the last of!) those godawfully sparse rosters. How many hotties does it take to carry a team? We’ll find out.

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#2 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. #16 Philadelphia 76ers

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LeBron James’ squad makes its entrance in style. The often-photographed global icon is a great dresser. The hottest Cav to me is Daniel Gibson. On the one hand, I find it difficult to call someone hot who goes by the name of Boobie and has a star shaved into his hair. On the other hand, hello! It’s really too bad Delonte West has that thing on his face, ’cause sometimes he can be a cutie. Well, until he opens his mouth and tells you his coat is made of Tasmanian Devil or something. Mo Williams… Sasha Pavlovic… okay. I can even see Ben Wallace if he has his hair under control. They seem like a happy bunch, and happy has the ability to take cuteness up a notch.

The Sixers defeated the Bucks in the first round. It was close. They were both solid but not outstanding squads. I think we have been through how I feel about Andre Iguodala. (In case you missed it, I feel that he is a hottie.) Can these guys take out the well-rounded Cavs?

The Sixers are one of those all-around squads. We don’t have a lot of standouts, but then we also don’t have a lot of flat-out “no”s. Louis Williams (skinny, but interesting), Marreese Speights, Kareem Rush, and Thaddeus Young round out the roster.

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