Hornets Hype

In a basement. In our pajamas.

This is a Limited Edition Ticktock6 exclusive, coming at you live from the basement. I have come out of retirement to create this categorized compendium of possible Hornets names.

Regarding “serious” names versus joke names… Well, that’s how it is with this sort of thing, isn’t it? A name one person comes up with as a serious suggestion, another person thinks is hilariously lame. So I have decided to categorize according to topic and not joke/non-joke. Hopefully you can decide whether something is a joke for yourself. Hopefully (which is the real trick) the official selection committee can also decide.

Please note that in the case of C or K names, we have the option of going all Golden State and being the Crescent City ____ instead of New Orleans. I have seen that idea kicked around a couple of places. I don’t necessarily like it, but it is an option.

If you have ideas that aren’t on here, please leave them in a comment!


Stuff That Is “Uniquely New Orleans”




Krewe (** See Big List of Singular Nouns, below, for more on this)








Potholes Filled With Water (Oh. Sorry, I had a bad drive home from work just now.)




Tanks (Because everyone’s got tanking on the brain, so why not go all the way! Also, the World War II Museum)


Quarter Rats


Street Sweepers

Death (Because of ghost/vampire lore… the logo would be a giant SKULL.)




Neutral Grounds


Swamp People



River Pirates




Pistols (As in Pete, not guns, but I doubt this would fly.)

Voodoo (It’s taken though)

Buccaneers (note that our ABA team was called this)




This is a nutria. It is a giant rat.





Nutria (These are giant rats. I am not making this up.)



Gators (Been done.)

Crawgators (I saw this somewhere. It is not a real thing. But fine. Sure. It’s an animal. Sigh.)

Shrimp (Seriously, what is wrong with people? Do you want the team to get beat up? No animal names unless it’s something mean. The cardinal rule of animal names, people.)



Foods: Because There Aren’t Enough Edible Teams



Jambalaya (Yes. In the singular. BOOM.)




Po Boys


Booze: Because Why Aren’t There More Teams Named After Booze?


Hand Grenades




Beer (In the singular. As is. The New Orleans Beer.)



Something That’s Like Jazz, You Know, Musical… Because We Can’t Have Jazz



Brass (Note that we used to have a minor league hockey team called this)

Bounce (What? Musical form that originated in New Orleans, you say? And everyone can shake their booty during timeouts! It will be H-O-T!)





Funk (GUYS. And it has a DUAL MEANING. Music, and the smell of the standing water in the gutters on Bourbon Street!)

Hot Five

This is a Mardi Gras Indian

Mardi Gras Indians


Big Chiefs

Wild Men (I would totally root for this team. Just saying.)

Wild Tchoupitoulas (I am extremely partial to names the national media will not get/be able to pronounce.)


List of Singular Nouns Which, Like Neck Tattoos, I Am Against In Principle But Some of Which May Be Marginally Acceptable


Krewe (I personally find this better than most singular names due to the fact that, like a team, a Krewe is a group of people. If we are the Krewe, I prefer to be the Krewe of New Orleans instead of the New Orleans Krewe. The reasons being twofold: 1) It matches Mardi Gras Krewe nomenclature, ie: they are all Krewe of ____, 2) It yields the abbreviation of KNO rather than NOK, which would remind people too much of the Hornets’ much-hated Oklahoma City stint after Katrina.)



Brass (this is a popular suggestion, and appears above under Music, but it is also a dreaded Singular)




Big Easy

Humidity (When we played the Heat, things would get sweaty.)



Breeze (Ho Ho, we have a player named Drew Brees. We won’t forever, doofwads. Plus this name sucks.)

Bayou (I guess my thing here is the same as with animal names. The first evaluating question should be, “CAN IT KILL YOU? OR AT LEAST FUCK YOU UP?” If not, probably best to move on.)


Carnival (Or the Crescent City Carnival, as opposed to New Orleans. How alliterative.)




Names Which Are Counterparts to “Saints” But Which Are Mostly Lame



Archangels (and its Gil McGregor-esque pun twin, Arc Angels… shudder… No, look, I could hardly type it. I WOULD DIE.)


Crunk (After the Saints’ touchdown song, naturally! Actually, can we just do this? I would put aside my aversion to singular names to be the New Orleans Crunk.)


Names That Really Are a Joke. Really.


Latter Day Saints

Polygamists (the idea being that Salt Lake City gets so offended at the proposal of these names, they trade Jazz back to us)


… The Twitter Section’s pet idea. Please note that both S’s in Hustlers will appear as dollar signs on the jerseys. We designed this team’s entire concept during the 3rd quarter of Hornets/Jazz. It has meanings on multiple levels. 1) Basketball players who hustle– the innocent meaning that you save for Grandma, 2) Drug dealers– let’s face it, we have a lot of drug dealers in New Orleans, 3) Dudes who scam you by asking you where you got your shoes, 4) There is in fact a Hustler Club on Bourbon Street. The team colors are green, chrome, and diamond. (You will have to ask @LSUhornet17 what the color diamond entails, exactly.) After wins, they drop fake dollar bills instead of confetti. There is a massive built-in array of songs and sound clips involving Hustlers. Instead of “The Hive” the arena shall be referred to as “The Club.” What’s theĀ  logo? Glad you asked. This.


Wishful Fucking Thinking



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15 Responses to “The Official Unofficial Comprehensive New Orleans Hornets Rebrand Name List”

  1. Love the Mardi Gras Indian photo! ha. My favorites: Crescent City Crunk, Nola Hand Grenades (just sounds awesome), Crescent City Crawdads, and the Krewe of New Orleans.

  2. “Diamond” is both translucent and extremely shiny. Kind of like that fancy glossy stuff that gift baskets are wrapped in. Rigid diamond-like cut patterns would run throughout it.

  3. “Bling links”…….. The season has gotten away from us. LOL

  4. mdaniel54 says:

    Crescent City Chiefs works well on a few levels, I think. Outside of the more publicized names like Brass and Krewe (of NO), I like that the best.

  5. Hoss Champagne says:

    I’m a firm believer that Stockton and Malone were cheap enough that they marred the Jazz name to the point of it being unattractive. But that’s just me. Bout time you blogged! Good stuff. I can’t be the only fan that gets kinda annoyed by not having a first name to call you by. “Hey ticktock!” sounds like I am an extra in Glee. Hoss out.

  6. I believe the true colors of the Hu$tler$ was cash money and bling.

  7. $nave is correct that Hu$tler$ colors are cash money, bling, and diamond. Obviously the best. After Jambalaya, of course. Haha.

  8. Also, I would like to see more teams embrace mythological names. Dragons? Griffons? Basilsks? Oh my. That shit would eat up Lions and Tigers and Bears.

  9. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupacabra IT DRINKS THE BLOOD OF YOUR LIVESTOCK ergo FUCKING YOU UP

  10. The problem with crunk (other than having to hear old white people say it year ’round) is crunk music originated in Atlanta. And nothing good has come from the ATL

  11. which is why I like Bounce, if it HAD to be a localized change. Or chiefs

  12. BLING LINKS! Yes

  13. The New Orleans Soul!!!

  14. We have Three tall ass Seven footers this season with the addition of Davis.. Maby the tall Magnolias for this season.. wow this is going to be an exciting season props to big Monty with the contract extension

  15. I hate Nutria rats.. It was actually an introduced species which is a menace maybe that would be a good one… Nutria Menace.. I am quite fond of the Crescents though .. or the Pirates.. hey New Orleans is a port town.. The Mighty Hurricanes although still healing… the Murderers … the uuhhh lets see to keep the old cajun french name alive the Maraquin old french for mosquito .. ummm the Harlequins( dressed up fools) Ducket makers??

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