Hornets Hype

I missed this post from Minnesota T-Wolves blog Canis Hoopus when it came out a couple days after the draft, but I’m going to link to it anyway because it’s a great rant. It’s about the national media’s treatment of the Ricky Rubio circus, particularly the rampant use of “unnamed sources” and cliches about Minnesota and the organization.

What does this have to do with the Hornets? Well, you know we’re interested in critiquing the failings of the mainstream media on this blog. But all his points are particularly relevant to one of our favorite causes– taking writers/sports personalities to task (sarcastically) for their sloppy research on New Orleans and the franchise’s situation here. Amazingly, I read an article even last week that stated the Hornets might be forced to trade Tyson Chandler because they can’t put butts in the seats (despite factual evidence that pops up at the top of a simple Google search — which anyone could have performed in 30 seconds– stating that the Hornets were actually 8th out of 30 teams in percentage of butts in seats this season).

So, it’s interesting to read about other maligned small-market franchises’ struggle with the same crap.

Free hats. Disclaimer: This picture was not supposed to look so naked. There's a strap. Dammit.

We checked out the official Hornets draft party last night down at Gordon Biersch, as some of you who might have been following my Twitter feed already knew. Living in New Orleans we usually try to make it out to as many of the Hornets events as we can.

It was about an hour before the draft when I hopped into a space at the bar and started to follow the rumors that were going down on Twitter, which was creaking along there and might have actually died at one scary point due to Michael Jackson’s death (RIP). Everyone was running with the idea that Phoenix might be trading Amare Stoudemire to Golden State or Ben Wallace to New Orleans for Tyson Chandler or possibly both. Meanwhile an older gentleman at the bar was buying me shots of Jager and trying to convince me that I did not, in fact, want to watch the draft at all– I wanted to go across the street to Harrahs and play the slots.

I was pretty sure I wanted to watch the draft, however, so I stayed, and chatted with some nice people I’d been Twittering back and forth with (I’m not sure Twittering is the verb, but I really hate to say Tweeting, so I’m going to declare that, on this blog at least, I was Twittering.) After a while mW got there. Oh, in fact here we are (The below video is approximately 12 seconds of me yelling because I can’t hear myself. I actually had no idea if you could hear me at all until I just watched it. Um, you can. Because I’m yelling.):

Hornets draft party! on 12seconds.tv

Now, for those of you looking for all the salacious celebrity pics, I forgot my camera and was following the draft on my laptop, which I had out on the bar. I also realized that I’d picked a spot close to one Hornets table, but the players were actually at a different table on the opposite side of the room. So not only did we not want to lose our spot, which I had staked out 2 hours prior, but there were about a hundred people packed into the approximately 30 foot space between us and CP. I was more concerned about melting before we even got as far as the #13 pick than stalking Hornets players. Therefore I had to acquire all these pics the good old-fashioned blogger way: uncredited, from Getty Images. But I will assure you that Chris Paul and Julian Wright were there. I could hear their voices, even if I couldn’t see them. (If it had been Tyson Chandler, I probably could have seen him over the crowd from my barstool, but we are talking about CP here.) The Hornets ran some interactive fan contests, and it seemed like everyone packed into that itty bitty area had fun.

CP is interviewed outside by some local stations, ticktock6 realizes in terror that this is the same CST mic that was stuck in her face into which she has NO. EARTHLY. IDEA. what she rambled on about. Oh help.

I have to admit I was unenthusiastic about #21 pick Darren Collison. I know next to nothing about him. Well, I know next to nothing about college ball in general, so that’s hardly a surprise. But I really thought we should’ve take DeJuan Blair, who ended up falling into the second round presumably because teams were scared off by his knee surgeries. I am fairly sure I managed to control these opinions when some cameramen came up and shined a light on me and asked me what I thought. I am also fairly sure I talked for a while. I am also fairly sure the two Jager shots had a significant effect on the fact that I kinda forgot about this whole experience till the above picture of Chris Paul and the CST mike jogged my memory and I realized that’s who I talked to. So, if you’re watching whatever draft montage they put together and air as a pregame or halftime feature next fall, and the girl wearing turquoise and (I think, oh lord) a Hornets draft cap backwards comes on and talks a mile a minute, that is me. CST, feel free to not use this footage. Anyhow, I feel a lot better about the Collison pick today, having checked out At the Hive’s post regarding his stats (they’re right up there or better than some lottery PGs). He was a 4 year college kid and didn’t have the hype of some of the others, but I think we’ll all remember we have a guy named David West who was in a similar situation when we drafted him and turned out all right.

I should make a note here that by the time we left the party I’d managed to collect Hornets beads, a turquoise T-shirt (I already have this particular one, and it’s XL… we may have 1 or 2 up for grabs), and the aforementioned Hornets draft cap, which was given to me by @hornetsdotcom. I have been asked a lot of times around town where I got such and such magnet or sticker or whatever, and the answer is you should try to make it to at least one official watch party a season, because they give out massive amounts of Hornets shwag. This particular party, however, should probably have been at a larger venue, because the place was packed wall to wall from when the draft started through when Chris Paul left. But overall, the staff at GB is highly awesome and they’ve hosted some solid Hornets events.

This nice man drew CP's picture

There were other fun moments about the draft, like the Minnesota Timberwolves Mad Point Guard Rampage of 2009, but the other significant moment for the Hornets didn’t happen until we were already home. We watched Blair finally go to San Antonio (where he’ll probably be perversely good, causing us to hate San Antonio more than we already do), and LSU product Marcus Thornton go to Miami at 43. Then a couple of minutes later, David Stern’s apprentice minion (I didn’t know that Stern doesn’t hang around to do the second round, funny!) came to the podium again. As soon as he said, “The Miami Heat convey the rights to the #43 pick Marcus Thornton…” I just had a feeling it was us. And sure enough, it was! So the Hornets ended up with two picks after all. (From what I’ve read today, Thornton was always on our board, and as soon as he didn’t get picked in the first round, the Hornets got on the phones.)

Whew. Crazy end to a crazy week in the NBA. But you know what? We got through another big trade week without selling low on Tyson Chandler, who, I have been vehemently arguing to anyone who will listen, deserves a chance to prove he can rebound from his injury before we melodramatically rant and rave about how he’s “NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AGAIN!” We turned a lone low #21 pick in a junky draft into two guys who can hopefully fill roles on the roster and allow CP to get some rest and the Hornets to shop Antonio Daniels’ expiring contract with no worries. We drafted safe, 4-year player types. The Hornets’ front office sneakily drafted a 2nd rounder who, if he makes the team, will appeal to local fans and create buzz. Sometimes I am concerned that they don’t “get” this market, so that was a good thing to see. And maybe I’m being a girl here, but it kinda made me all warm and fuzzy to see the team give the local kid a chance to play for his hometown team.

About the t-shirt. I’d give it to a commenter who wears an XL, but I don’t know…. I think the Hype Cat has an interest in it…

Hype Cat's New Hornets T-Shirt

Major style improvements for CP since then

Come see who the Hornets select with their #21 pick tomorrow night at the official draft party. The fun starts at 6 PM at Gordon Biersch. With celebrity appearances by ticktock6, Chris Paul, and Julian Wright. (What? I’m a celebrity appearance. I mean, Chris Paul’s a cool kid and everything, but he’s no ticktock6, am I right?)

Seriously, though, it’s cool that CP’s in town. Hornets Hype is gonna be at this shindig. Because we like hanging out with Hornets fans. And because we want to see how draft night goes down. But most importantly, because I haven’t had Southwest egg rolls  since the season ended. You think maybe they’re free?

Official flyer and info here.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that this year’s draft sucks and the Hornets will not pick up anyone helpful with the 21st pick. Or at least, so everyone says.

In the interest of curiosity, and good ol’ draft week fun, I put the 2008-09 Hornets roster into draft order. Snarky commentary will be provided below.

1. Tyson Chandler……… 2
2. Chris Paul…………….. 4
3. Antonio Daniels……… 4
4. Melvin Ely……………. 12
5. Hilton Armstrong….. 12
6. Julian Wright………… 13
7. Peja Stojakovic……. 14
8. David West…………. 18
9. James Posey………… 18
10. Morris Peterson……. 21
11. Sean Marks…………. 44
12. Rasual Butler……….. 52
13. Ryan Bowen………….55
14. Devin Brown……….. N/A

Some thoughts that leap immediately to mind based on the above list:

Both the Hornets point guards were #4 picks. Tyson Chandler should be the best guy on the team based on the draft, but his PER makes him roughly the third best guy on the team, so that’s not that big a difference. If he was healthy. All the people who are like, “Let’s draft a big! On potential!” should learn from the placement of Hilton Armstrong and Melvin Ely, who were both picked at #12 and yet managed to suck way more than the next eight guys below them. I dunno, maybe #12 is the pick of death or something. Sorry, Charlotte. Peja being drafted at 14 seems like kind of a steal, but that was a really deep draft, and you can’t really blame the teams who passed over him for the likes of AI, Ray Allen, and Kobe Bryant (random fact: Peja was drafted exactly one spot after Kobe). D West and Posey both were drafted at the same position (#18) after playing the same number of college seasons (4) at the same school (Xavier). How under-the-radar of them. Rasual Butler is the only second round pick to start for the Hornets this year. Devin Brown was the only Hornet not drafted. Imagine my surprise.

But wait! I’m not done! Let’s check out how the world champion Los Angeles Lakers stack up, in…. “If draft order was real life”!

1. Adam Morrison…………..3
2. Pau Gasol…………………..3
3. Lamar Odom………………4
4. Andrew Bynum………….10
5. Kobe Bryant………………13
6. Derek Fisher………………24
7. Shannon Brown………….25
8. Jordan Farmar…………..26
9. Sasha Vujacic…………… 27
10. Luke Walton………………32
11. Sun Yue…………………….40
12. Trevor Ariza………………43
13. DJ Mbenga………………N/A
14. Josh Powell……………..N/A

Utter hilarity. Just because I’m laughing at Adam Morrison, really. But actually the Lakers draft order is fairly reflective of reality. There are only three guys who are super out of place– Trevor Ariza is too low, Kobe should be up at #1, and Adam Morrison………… BWAHAHA! Yeah.

So basically, if you are saying anything after the 15th pick is gonna be garbage, then you are saying the (world champion) Lakers didn’t need those five productive bench players and one starter who were drafted lower than #24. You are saying the Hornets don’t have a chance to pick up a D West, Posey, Mo Pete (well, he didn’t play and we sucked this year– so maybe we did need him! so there), or Sual the Phoenix.

The draft is a huge crapshoot. But I think we’ll be good… as long as we don’t look at a big and go, “Oh, he’s over 6-10, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have any skills now. Even if he just stands there, it’s better than–”

No. It is not.

P.S. This post originally included like six Devin Brown jokes. I have removed them. But you can imagine them.

So yesterday afternoon I was joking around that, instead of my regular snarky one-liners on Twitter during the game, I would comment upon Cavs/Magic Game 4 entirely in haiku. Well, this didn’t quite pan out the way I expected, since one of my domains got hit by a spammer from Sweden who generated 150,000 spam comments and caused my entire account, including this blog, to be suspended by my host. If you came here last night, you might have noticed the fact that the site was, you know, missing. Sorry about that. It’s fixed now. But it caused me to be on the phone with tech support and as a result I missed most of the game.

True to my word, though, I hopped on Twitter with around 3 minutes left in the fourth quarter and did live game commentary through the rest of regulation and overtime entirely in haiku. I decided to put all my haikus together, just for fun:

1.
Dougie loves LeBron
but that pesky man named Skip
oh he’s just a friend

2.
Superman at line
strangely strong under pressure
hit one to close out!

3.
Rafer is so clutch
oh wait forget I said that
jack another one

4.
GET THE DAMN REBOUND
IT’S OUT OFF OF DELONTE
lucky break Magic

5.
Not too much time left
live or die by the jumper
time to live or die

6.
Come on Feel the Noise
watcha gonna do Magic
inbound play is key

7.
Swish goes the clutch shot
so this makes Rashard Lewis
King of what Kingdom???

8.
M-FING BULLSHIT
he tripped over his own feet
travesty ends not

9.
“What it comes down to”
“is Cavs are inferior”
“wasting our time” - M

10.
Fatigue a factor?
how bout monstrous ass screwings
by men in gray shirts?

11.
DUNK THAT SHIT DUH-WIGHT
the only way to live now
is fight through this hard!

12.
Holy MF shit
was that shot from in orbit?
make your own fate now

13.
They don’t need no crowns
these Magic know how to make
their own destiny

14.
“I’ll tell you how big”
“that play was,” says Doug– wait Doug
how big was what now?

15.
Clutcheriffic Dwight
tune it out with the music
that plays in your head

16.
Chosen One watches
as a taller star is made
in these late moments

17.
In an apartment
somewhere in corporate land
two puppets are sad

So last night after the Lakers defeated the Nuggets in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, I fell asleep for like 2 hours. When I woke up, contacts sticking to my eyes, this is the first thing I saw:

Oh, you know, just had this red leather vest lying around the house and thought, "Wouldn't that look sweet with my madras shirt?"

Clearly this was some sleep-induced hallucination. Surely no one would be wacky enough to show up at an NBA press conference dressed as the really tall other half of Starsky and Hutch.

And yet Lamar Odom did. We shouldn’t be surprised. After all, we’re talking about a guy who showed up at a game last year wearing this:

It's a hoodie! It's a suit! It's a Lakesuit!

Like, wait, hold up. Is that…. a Laker colored suit? A Lakesuit? Or is it a hoodie? Or is it… a suit and a hoodie?

Lamar Odom strolled into the Lakers’ locker room some 25 minutes late. Lakers coach Phil Jackson had just finishing addressing the media during his pregame press session when he saw Odom and blurted out:

“Oh, my God,” Jackson said, laughing. “No wonder it took you a long time to get here.”

Jackson laughed at Odom’s outfit he was wearing. It was an all white suit. The sleeves on the coat were purple. The lapels were gold. “Are you in a marching band?” Jackson joked.

It was hard to describe what Odom was wearing. “This is indescribable,” Odom correctly said. “You can’t describe this.”

Pull up a seat, as we take a spin through the fashion world of one Lamar Odom…

[More]

I’m not sure even how to react to the fact that someone actually wrote an article entitled “Hornets, Pistons win in Chris Paul trade” which begins:

Joe Dumars should go after New Orleans point guard Chris Paul.

It’s not as outrageous as you might think.

Um, except for yes it is.

Just like this was also stupid.

Sigh. Insert joke involving me having ______ (amount A) of ____________ (highly undesirable object B) to sell you if you think for more than 10 seconds about these articles.

I hate that it took a humiliating 58-point loss to get this to finally, finally happen. It sucks. It does  not make everything right, and seeing these words on ESPN is not worth what we’ve gone through as Hornets fans in the last month.

But reading this from Marc Stein makes me feel oddly vindicated and satisfied in a way that I would not expect I could feel this morning:

“It’s not just that the Hornets folded so meekly and early at home, which is sufficiently unforgivable.

Or that they also lost games to the Nuggets by 29, 15 and 21 points.

It’s that the Hornets unashamedly quit so quickly in Game 4 after fans in New Orleans showed up this season with greater regularity than the team could have ever dreamed, shaming misinformed know-it-alls like me who kept telling you that local residents couldn’t possibly invest their time and money into something as trivial as rooting for the local basketball team after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.

The Hornets consistently played at near-capacity in a building that holds 17,188, selling out well over half of their games. It seems that we were all wrong about the post-Katrina viability of NBA basketball in the Crescent City.

Not nearly as wrong, though, as foisting the unspeakable score line of Nuggets 121, Hornets 63 on a ridiculously loyal fan base in their farewell ’til next season.”

I know we already knew this. But I didn’t realize how good it would feel to have a major media outlet finally write the truth about New Orleans and the Hornets. Accompanied by the words “we were all wrong.” And I thank Mr. Stein for saying it.

I’m feeling so warm and fuzzy I think I have to take him off the $#*t List.

As for how I feel about the Hornets, better to ask me again in a month. Because– and I am not saying I don’t love this team, and I am not saying I’m cancelling my season tickets or never blogging again or anything like that– I agree with Marc Stein. I hope they know that when they said “F this!” to the game on Monday, they did that to me. They did that to us.

I don’t have anything else to say about it, except that I hope they know.

Don’t get too comfortable, JR….. I’m coming for you.

I knew I saved this picture for a certain moment

In all seriousness, though, thanks for being with us this season! We’ll be around, taking the hype into the summer. And talking about the NBA playoffs like they’re going out of style (Serious Question: if the Hornets aren’t in the playoffs, then can the playoffs really be said to be in style? … I think not!). And making changes in our heads that will never happen in real life. And drafting future greatness. And making small moves, or maybe even big moves. But the important point is, we’ll be here.

Because, really, you’re gonna tell Chris Paul that, because of one bad week, he’s out of it for next year? Then I got two words for you:

STAND. BACK.

“Myself, I’d trust him to the end of the Earth.”
“Oh yes, and how far’s that?”
“About twelve minutes away. Come on, I need a drink.”
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

JR is my hero!

Yep. That went well.

And so here I am writing a recap, of sorts, of a game that tied the record for the worst loss in playoff history. In which we learn that the Hornets as presently constructed are treading water (like, badly, and desparately, the way you do right before you give up and drown), and JR Smith hits a three in my face.

You know, there were moments when I thought they would make a game of it. But I think the run the Hornets gave up right out of halftime when they could have– and should have– cut it to 16 or 18 was when we looked at each other and said it wasn’t their night. The funny thing was that, before everyone left, it was really one of the loudest, most vicious crowds I’ve ever had the pleasure to be a part of in New Orleans. But, you know. Before everyone left.

Well, I had already made up my mind that I was having a good time last night, and the Hornets’ abysmal play wasn’t going to stop me. We slid over and down to the 5th row, left of center court, to enjoy ourselves a little scrub basketball as the way-richer-than-us see it.

I am not sure what came over me. I certainly didn’t care about the score. I was too shellshocked to even think about the game. And you know, if you can’t laugh, what else are you gonna do? So as JR Smith stood, large as life, right in front of me, and threw the ball into the basket for the 53-point lead, I did something I’ve never done before and leaned over the empty seat in front of me and hollered:

“YOU’RE A REAL F***ING HERO, JR!”

Everyone laughed. So I just rolled with it. “SHOOT IT, JR! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! JR FOR THE 55 POINT LEAD! YEAH!” He runs backward down the court,  gives this confused look to the crowd like “WTF girl is yelling at me?”, looks back at the play, looks again.

The Hornets do whatever they do (Oh, hey, I’ve got the play by play right in front of me. Antonio Daniels bad pass, apparently, is what they do), and here ol’ JR is coming back. “SHOOT IT, JR! YEAH, JACK THE THREE! DO IT!” He steps backward over the line, with his back right to us, and drills the three.

Me: “YEAH JR! YOU’RE AWESOME!”

mW: Um, I think he just hit a three in your grill.

Me: Wait, you think he heard me?

mW: We’re the only people here. He heard you.

Me: Seriously? AHAHAHAHA!

Looking at the play by play, I’m pretty sure it’s this stretch I’m talking about:

At one point, he was dribbling out on top of the fleur de bee logo, playing keepaway with Antonio Daniels. “SHOOT IT, JR! SHOOT THE HALF COURT SHOT! JR FROM HALF COURT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! PLAYER OF THE F***ING GAME RIGHT THERE!”

So I guess this is a note to whoever Denver faces next– get a girl to sit courtside and relentlessly and profanely heckle JR Smith. He will shoot. This may or may not end up working well for your team. But it will be funny.

I don’t want any Denver fans coming in here and saying I’m bitter– if I was that bitter, I would have left. If, in the future, anyone challenges my fan devotion, you all know I am allowed to point to this game and say, “I stayed through the 58 point blowout. I win.” And come on, JR is too easy to pick on. This is a guy who jacked a 3 with 24 seconds left in a 55 point blowout, after all.

I said yesterday that I wasn’t worried anymore. And you know what? It feels kind of weird to admit this, but I had a lot of fun at this game. I certainly got my money’s worth. (And learned that if I could afford to sit in those seats all the time, and there were actual people around me, I would be thrown out.) I think that’s what it’s all about. We can worry about the future of this team after the playoffs. This article, however, is a must-read. If you really want to know how I feel, my answer is, “Everything this guy said.” And to those who want to blow up the team THIS SECOND, remember three, no four, things:

1) The team whose 58-point-blowout-loss record we tied came back and won the next game of the series.

2) I think the Lakers recovered fine from their Finals beatdown.

3) Your lesson is right on the court in front of you. The Nuggets were embarrassed with the whole sweep and “We quit” thing last year. They didn’t trade the entire team. They made one move. One move that was the right move.

4) You’re not the GM. That’s for a reason.

That said…

Hint to the front office: Chris Bosh. Trade everyone you have to to make it happen. No, really, everyone. Extend his contract, fill out the roster with young picks, and watch the fun happen with your two 24-year-old All Stars for the next 3 years. I genuinely like our guys, but… I just want Chris Paul to win a championship for us. Not some other team. Us. That is seriously my #1 concern right now.

Thanks,

Me.