Hornets Hype

In a basement. In our pajamas.

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This is a Limited Edition Ticktock6 exclusive, coming at you live from the basement. I have come out of retirement to create this categorized compendium of possible Hornets names.

Regarding “serious” names versus joke names… Well, that’s how it is with this sort of thing, isn’t it? A name one person comes up with as a serious suggestion, another person thinks is hilariously lame. So I have decided to categorize according to topic and not joke/non-joke. Hopefully you can decide whether something is a joke for yourself. Hopefully (which is the real trick) the official selection committee can also decide.

Please note that in the case of C or K names, we have the option of going all Golden State and being the Crescent City ____ instead of New Orleans. I have seen that idea kicked around a couple of places. I don’t necessarily like it, but it is an option.

If you have ideas that aren’t on here, please leave them in a comment!


Stuff That Is “Uniquely New Orleans”




Krewe (** See Big List of Singular Nouns, below, for more on this)








Potholes Filled With Water (Oh. Sorry, I had a bad drive home from work just now.)




Tanks (Because everyone’s got tanking on the brain, so why not go all the way! Also, the World War II Museum)


Quarter Rats


Street Sweepers

Death (Because of ghost/vampire lore… the logo would be a giant SKULL.)




Neutral Grounds


Swamp People



River Pirates




Pistols (As in Pete, not guns, but I doubt this would fly.)

Voodoo (It’s taken though)

Buccaneers (note that our ABA team was called this)




This is a nutria. It is a giant rat.





Nutria (These are giant rats. I am not making this up.)



Gators (Been done.)

Crawgators (I saw this somewhere. It is not a real thing. But fine. Sure. It’s an animal. Sigh.)

Shrimp (Seriously, what is wrong with people? Do you want the team to get beat up? No animal names unless it’s something mean. The cardinal rule of animal names, people.)



Foods: Because There Aren’t Enough Edible Teams



Jambalaya (Yes. In the singular. BOOM.)




Po Boys


Booze: Because Why Aren’t There More Teams Named After Booze?


Hand Grenades




Beer (In the singular. As is. The New Orleans Beer.)



Something That’s Like Jazz, You Know, Musical… Because We Can’t Have Jazz



Brass (Note that we used to have a minor league hockey team called this)

Bounce (What? Musical form that originated in New Orleans, you say? And everyone can shake their booty during timeouts! It will be H-O-T!)





Funk (GUYS. And it has a DUAL MEANING. Music, and the smell of the standing water in the gutters on Bourbon Street!)

Hot Five

This is a Mardi Gras Indian

Mardi Gras Indians


Big Chiefs

Wild Men (I would totally root for this team. Just saying.)

Wild Tchoupitoulas (I am extremely partial to names the national media will not get/be able to pronounce.)


List of Singular Nouns Which, Like Neck Tattoos, I Am Against In Principle But Some of Which May Be Marginally Acceptable


Krewe (I personally find this better than most singular names due to the fact that, like a team, a Krewe is a group of people. If we are the Krewe, I prefer to be the Krewe of New Orleans instead of the New Orleans Krewe. The reasons being twofold: 1) It matches Mardi Gras Krewe nomenclature, ie: they are all Krewe of ____, 2) It yields the abbreviation of KNO rather than NOK, which would remind people too much of the Hornets’ much-hated Oklahoma City stint after Katrina.)



Brass (this is a popular suggestion, and appears above under Music, but it is also a dreaded Singular)




Big Easy

Humidity (When we played the Heat, things would get sweaty.)



Breeze (Ho Ho, we have a player named Drew Brees. We won’t forever, doofwads. Plus this name sucks.)

Bayou (I guess my thing here is the same as with animal names. The first evaluating question should be, “CAN IT KILL YOU? OR AT LEAST FUCK YOU UP?” If not, probably best to move on.)


Carnival (Or the Crescent City Carnival, as opposed to New Orleans. How alliterative.)




Names Which Are Counterparts to “Saints” But Which Are Mostly Lame



Archangels (and its Gil McGregor-esque pun twin, Arc Angels… shudder… No, look, I could hardly type it. I WOULD DIE.)


Crunk (After the Saints’ touchdown song, naturally! Actually, can we just do this? I would put aside my aversion to singular names to be the New Orleans Crunk.)


Names That Really Are a Joke. Really.


Latter Day Saints

Polygamists (the idea being that Salt Lake City gets so offended at the proposal of these names, they trade Jazz back to us)


… The Twitter Section’s pet idea. Please note that both S’s in Hustlers will appear as dollar signs on the jerseys. We designed this team’s entire concept during the 3rd quarter of Hornets/Jazz. It has meanings on multiple levels. 1) Basketball players who hustle– the innocent meaning that you save for Grandma, 2) Drug dealers– let’s face it, we have a lot of drug dealers in New Orleans, 3) Dudes who scam you by asking you where you got your shoes, 4) There is in fact a Hustler Club on Bourbon Street. The team colors are green, chrome, and diamond. (You will have to ask @LSUhornet17 what the color diamond entails, exactly.) After wins, they drop fake dollar bills instead of confetti. There is a massive built-in array of songs and sound clips involving Hustlers. Instead of “The Hive” the arena shall be referred to as “The Club.” What’s the  logo? Glad you asked. This.


Wishful Fucking Thinking



I know you are f*@#ing with me here. Putting a kid who does not look completely unlike Devin Brown’s little (thinner) brother in Devin Brown’s jersey. Here I am, innocently going through the Media Day pictures, until… BWAAAAA!!

I almost had a heart attack.



Now, in addition to being freaked out, I feel like I have to apologize to DJ Strawberry or whoever this is for momentarily thinking he resembles Devin Brown…

I have decided to go on blogging hiatus for the next several months. This might end up turning into semi-permanently. I honestly don’t know. I’ll re-evaluate after the season starts. What you can expect:

  • No posts from me on this site until at least November 1st, although it might be more like December 1st because November is National Novel Writing Month and I will be participating in that for the 4th year
  • Less commenting and involvement elsewhere
  • Less of me on Twitter (look, this one is more of a guideline than a rule…)

This is not a huge loss, considering I haven’t been posting much anyway. But I just don’t want the feeling hanging over my head that I should post, when X news happens or X rumor comes out. This past month and a half, I feel like I’ve known too much. And it wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t interesting. And yet I followed it with this weird sense of almost-guilt, of not wanting to miss something. I found myself arguing because of how much I like arguing, rather than because I actually cared. I didn’t even feel evil glee when everyone else decided LeBron was the douche I’d thought he was for years. I just felt bored and somewhat dirty. See, because it starts, “I want to know about the Hornets.” But then it balloons into, “I want to know what everyone else is saying about the Hornets. I want to know about players on other teams. I want to know what everyone is saying about players on other teams. I want to know what everyone is saying about what everyone is saying about the NBA and I want to have an opinion on it.” But you know what? I…. don’t.

What Will Leitch wrote after the LeBron “Decision” special aired really spoke to me. It’s been in my head ever since, and the more I thought about it, the bigger it grew.

We cheer because sports is, ultimately, harmless. And we trust that they will at least pretend. We trust that they will recognize the ultimate ludicrousness of this whole enterprise, that these are grown men wearing tank tops, throwing a ball up and around, running on wood, that this all exists because we allow it to exist, that the illusion must be maintained…

That trust felt broken tonight.

…[N]ever has it been laid more bare, and never did it feel so empty. It felt like a break, the moment when the tide crested, when we looked at the games, and their players, and ourselves, and wondered: Why in the world are we watching these awful people?

This is tricky, because I love social media, and this great, sprawling NBA blogosphere of ours, but I do think it’s responsible for the cracks in the illusion. The more I know, and the faster I know it, I’ve realized… the less I need to know. I can’t deny the information overload is making me sick of basketball. Why can’t I wake up and read in the paper that Jeff Bower has been fired or Chris Paul has been dealt? Why can’t I just go to games because I have season tickets and take the offseason, you know, off? Like average people. On Friday night, I looked at the last 48 hours of my life and realized I’d spent it on Twitter, writing sarcastic stuff, and in comment threads. What some of you may not know is that, in addition to basketball, I write fiction. I’m trying to finish my first novel right now. Over that 48 hours I put exactly zero words into this project I really cared about. And what had really happened, in basketball, that was worth the squandering of those precious words and that time?

Nothing. A transaction was not made. A solid, tangible, indisputably factual event had not occurred. A game had not been played. I had spent 48 hours of my life talking and writing and thinking about… nothing.

If The Thing With the Rumors happens, I will miss out on the chance to write one of the biggest, most epic posts of my blogging career. I am aware of this. I am aware that the Hornets are having an eventful offseason. I am aware there are people who have come to care about my opinions. My awareness of this made me consider and reconsider this hiatus a couple of times. So, if The Thing happens, just know that the post I would have written (Is there even a tense for this situation? “I might would having written”?) would have been great.

Despite this post, this has a lot less to do with basketball than it does with other parts of my life. (“It’s not you, NBA, it’s me! Only, it’s sorta you too!”) I am in the middle of a big writing project, and having my head in 2 places (one of which is a big drag) is not working for me. I was on the phone with my mom last week, and she said, “You know, all your non-fiction is great. Why don’t you just concentrate on writing that and getting paid for it or published?” This is a good question. It is probably the question. I said to myself, “Self, even IF you got paid by someone to blog and got media access to all the games and were a basketball journalist…  but never wrote a book, would you be happy with that?” I wish I could tell you I had to think long and hard about it, but I didn’t: I already knew the answer.

What it comes down to is I love basketball, and I love the Hornets. But I just want this more.

Thank you all so much for reading and following. I cannot count the number of great people I’ve met through blogging. I never meant for this thing to be anything. It was just a domain I spontaneously bought when I was excited after a game, and I had to get that excitement out somehow. That’s what the “Hype” in Hornets Hype means: it means getting hyped up, getting really into it. It means the rush I get from being inside New Orleans Arena. There’s nothing like it. And that’s something I never felt guilty about spending words on.

But I would like to be able to just go to basketball games again, as a fan, without feeling the need to talk about or care about every little thing. And that’s not where I am right now. Right now I feel like there are only so many words inside of me per day, and I owe it to myself to spend them in a way that is more meaningful to me.

I hope you will all appreciate the vast amount of self-restraint it took for me to not make a “I have to do what’s best for my family” or “I have taken my talents to _____” joke during this post.

Basketball. Uncomplicated.

These are Evil Trade Destinations. Do not leave me sad notes saying I’m mean. Evil is mean.

Charlotte Bobcats – They play the Miami Heat on a regular basis. “Oh, hey friends! Isn’t it awesome to have us all together here tonight?…… Oh……… WTF…. Why you gotta beat me down like that? I thought we were all friends?”

LA Clippers – He and Baron Davis can fight it out for the starting point guard spot. And for bragging rights over whose “Exit Strategy” from New Orleans went better.

Minnesota Timberwolves – Kahn (rubbing hands together with a maniacal grin): “Excellent. This will be the prime piece in my ultimate point guard collection. I will keep it on the top shelf, with my Darko bobblehead and the Chris Webber fingernail clipping I am saving for the voodoo doll.”

Indiana Pacers – All the mediocrity and small-town feel of New Orleans, but cold!

Golden State Warriors – Nellie: “WHO MADE THIS TRADE? This will never work. What do you mean I have three starters who are not 6-8 power forwards? Everyone knows you are supposed to have at least four 6-8 power forwards running the floor at. all. times! Who’s my GM? Who are all these midget guards? Where am I?”

Disclaimer: This has all been tongue-in-cheek. It is a joke. Hornets Hype does not in any way, shape, or form endorse the trading of Chris Paul. If anyone has an Evil Trade Destination they’d like to add, by all means drop it in the comments!

So let me sum up:

I'll be over here with my four friends, trying to process this.

I'll be over here with my four friends, trying to process this.

Jeff Bower has been fired. The Hornets are in the middle of free agency and haven’t signed anyone but Aaron Gray. They were already dealing with a million and two rumors of George Shinn’s sketchiness, and now they’re dealing with more because they may have backed out of Luther Head’s contract for no good reason and his agent is pitching a fit. Oh, plus the rumors that Chris Paul wants nothing to do with this mess. Let us not forget the Tom Thibodeau drama. And the rumors that the sale of the team to Gary Chouest has been held up for … why? Who even knows what the deal is? The last time there was a public statement was back in May when the local New Orleans public was told the deal was done.

Whether you liked Bower or not (I’m personally ambivalent), having him here was infinitely better than having no one. Who’s making the basketball decisions around here? The Assistant GM is– Oh. That’s right. We don’t have one. The guy in charge is George Shinn’s brother-in-law, who was a food service executive before joining the Hornets in 2005 (leaving aside for the moment the fact that he thinks Chris Paul rumors are started by people like me who “live in basements, in their pajamas” and never the perfectly legitimate New York media who are soooo responsible simply because they have a desk in an office).

Oh hey, maybe the VP is a basketball guy? Ha. Maybe he’s George Shinn’s son who has only a high school diploma, but according to his bio in the media guide “relies on his 20 years of experience in basketball to provide insight about basketball-related decisions” and “has been closely involved with the Hornets organization since its inception in 1987.” That sounds like a lot of experience. Huh. Maybe I am wrong. Except I’m not. Y’all, Chad Shinn is 30. His biography actually, no joke, IS COUNTING THE VAST EXPERIENCE HE GLEANED AS A 10-YEAR-OLD AMONG HIS QUALIFICATIONS. But hey, we do have, like, two scouts though. Let’s give a Hornets Hype shout out to our two scouts! What uuuuuupp Basketball Operations Department! Keep on fighting the good fight there. Yeah.

I mean, have I missed anything here? Can we get some basketball people up in here?

Dear god, I’m surrounded by idiots. Get me six martinis. I’ll be over there, with my fingers in my ears till October. I… can’t… hear… you.

  • So Darren Collison is leaving Vegas? Too bad. Thornton looked like he was forcing a lot of shots without him to penetrate last night. Our team will probably beast on everyone a little less than expected.
  • Quincy Pondexter is quite the multi-tasker, isn’t he? Nice shot, nice aggressiveness, nice muscle, nice energy. He’s put together two straight nice games. Julian Wright should be worried. Right now this kid looks more deserving of his minutes.
  • CON: Brackins pulled down zero rebounds last night. But he did eventually dunk, toward the end of last night’s game. I was so excited to see him in the post I thought I was hallucinating.
  • PRO: Monty Williams, on Brackins’ game: “Playing that many minutes without a rebound is not something that we will put up with.” BWAHA! I like this guy already.
  • Kevin McHale thinks that David West doesn’t have a post game. No wonder Kevin McHale is no longer coaching…
  • Did anyone see Nellie at Friday night’s game? He looked totally drunk or stoned or both.
  • Lawrence Frank is now my new favorite thing on NBA TV. After the game, he insinuated with an entirely straight face that Nellie was drunk, so I know it wasn’t just me who thought that. How’d I miss this guy? He’s much more suited to being on my TV than being with the Nets anyway.
  • I like this Kyle Hines kid. He plays like he’s much bigger than 6-6. Think the Hornets will give him a camp invite? (Don’t know where he would play… he’s a 4. But he’s way undersized. And we already have all these undersized power forwards. But it doesn’t hurt to ask him to camp.)
  • Hornets signed Aaron Gray. Guess that means they don’t need the Dude With the Aaron Gray Hair (Sonderleiter). They already have the real one.
  • I think the people who harp on Thornton’s defense are just parroting stuff Byron Scott used to say and not really watching him. He is both fiesty and fast, plus he crashes the boards with abandon down there among the tall trees. I think 5 out of his 6 rebounds last night were on the defensive end. He’s not as long as some other guys, but he works hard.
  • In fact he outrebounded everyone on the team… this says more about them than about him, however.
  • I did think Lil Buckets was lazy on O last night, however. Every time he tried to involve others, they dropped the ball or something. Lazy or frustrated, couldn’t tell. He took a bazillion poor fadeaway jumpers. Still shot 7-14 though, which is 50% so it can’t be as bad as I remember it being. But those two missed FTs probably lost the game for the Hornets.
  • David Thorpe: “One of my lasting memories of this week will be Marcus Thornton ferociously attacking the rim the way a tiger  goes after a deer. He makes an angry face and blows to the hole.  If he was 6’6, he’d be an all-star.  As it is, he’s a terrific NBA player.” This should be on Thornton’s bulletin board.
  • That Wheeler guy has brown hair on the sides with a yellow stripe on top. @LSUHornet17 described it best when he said, “It’s like a mohawk made purely out of hair dye.” Haha.
  • Hornets had a late lead in both games and somehow managed to lose anyway. #rookiecloserfail
  • I think we need a Summer League Drinking Game. Therefore, when Brackins finally gets a rebound on Tuesday night, let’s all do a shot! If he gets two, do another one! … Don’t worry, you won’t get that shitcanned. Trust me. (If you’re reading this, rook: prove me wrong! Get us all drunk! Do it!)

On Our Hero Chris Paul, a final word:

We’ve all seen the various media reports and various goings-on of the past couple of weeks. Man, I want to think the best of Chris Paul. I want to continue to see him and Drew Brees as New Orleans’ heroes. I want him to play here for a long time, and I want to make trades this year to get some great players alongside him. But… it is really hard for me to feel the same way about a player if he has one foot out the door. Maybe we’re into “It’s not you, it’s me” territory. Maybe that’s my mental block. I don’t have a problem with putting pressure on our front office… they’ve been pretty conservative, although to be fair, at the moment the salary cap won’t really allow them to be anything but.

NOLA isn’t a place that’s going to take kindly to you, though, if you’re gonna flirt with other cities for two years. I’m also a bit disappointed that CP didn’t choose to distance himself from the shitstorm of a backlash that’s hitting LeBron and his crew right now. I still don’t think we should trade him under any circumstances, as long as there’s a chance to win with him. And I don’t believe he will pull a Baron Davis and pretend to be hurt, or any of that nonsense. As I said, I really, really want to think the best of this guy who’s been so great to New Orleans up to this point. But do I have the same unwavering faith in him that I had a month ago? No. It’s like how you can sometimes sense a breakup coming, so you start picking fights and distancing yourself before it happens. I hope Chris Paul has the ability to step away from his friendship from LeBron James, just for a moment, objectively, and see how some of his friend’s behavior in the last two years was inappropriate and inconsiderate. Not the person, the behavior. They’re not the same thing. (Or are they? Are we who we say we are, or are we our choices? Something to think about.)

Anyway, I hope he continues to be the upstanding person and representative for New Orleans we have known him to be. I would never want to lose that Chris Paul.

Having one of those right now.

Paul joins LeBron’s marketing “company” (oh fine, I may have been, um, editorializing a bit there with the quotes)

Don’t make the mistake of underestimating this: it’s epically bad for New Orleans. This is the beginning of a dark spiral of bullshit, betrayal, hype, empty drama, diva behavior, leaks, “anonymous sources in Chris Paul’s camp”, and rumors that leads nowhere good. I’m not trying to be Cassandra here, but… start preparing yourselves.

More later, I guess. I’m too disappointed right now.

There are two reasons I’m excited about Summer League. The first is it doesn’t involve things not restricted to but including anonymous sources, league sources, World Wide Wes, trade rumors, free agency, Chris Paul hating New Orleans, or LeBron. What a dull week. Seriously. You’re fooling yourselves if you think greatness is made in business transactions. Greatness is made on the court. Which brings us to the second reason: Marcus Buckets Thornton and Darren Collison! Do you realize most of the other top rookies (Tyreke Evans, Stephen Curry) from last year aren’t playing? Therefore we can expect Lil Buckets, Lil Dimes & Co. to put a world of beatdown and beastliness on all the other teams in Vegas.

This year, probably thanks to having two of the top 5 rookies in the league, the Hornets are going to be televised on NBA TV for four out of their five Vegas games. This is, apparently, some sort of record for us and also means I’ll be able to watch on a screen big enough to actually see the numbers on the uniforms, rather than in an itty bitty low-res window on my computer. Yay?

The Hornets summer league roster is generally underwhelming besides Our Favorite Rookie Heroes, but you should note that Craig Brackins and Quincy Pondexter are going to be added to the roster July 8th. I’m sure they’re already there with the rest of the team, or headed there, but the team isn’t allowed to officially talk about it because trades and signings don’t become official till then. Here’s a mini-preview of who the Baby Buzz will be up against. I broke it down into 3 categories: Actual People You’ve Heard Of, Draft Picks, and Former Rookies Who Are Too Cool For School Unlike Our Rookies Who Will Feast Upon Your Team’s Flesh in Your Absence Ha Ha Suckersss.

Friday, July 9, vs. Golden State, 7 p.m. (9 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Reggie Williams (that kid from the D-League who destroyed us in one of the most infuriatingly stupid Don Nelson-esque comebacks of all time last season), Anthony Randolph, Brandan Wright. Draft Pick: Ekpe Udoh. Not On the Roster: Stephen Curry.

Sunday, July 11, vs. Miami, 7 p.m. (9 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Jon Scheyer (that kid from Duke who makes really douchey faces), Michael Beasley (I’ve seen like 2 sites saying he’s on the roster and 2 saying he’s not, so I have no idea). Draft Pick: Dexter Pittman, Jarvis Varnado, Da’Sean Butler (all 2nd round). Not On the Roster: Mario Chalmers. Fun fact: Chalmers and Beasley are actually the ONLY two players currently on the Heat roster. I am not making this up. Have fun with that, guys.

Tuesday, July 13, vs. Portland, 7 p.m. (9 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Dante Cunningham, Jeff Pendergraph. Draft Pick: Luke Babbit, Armon Johnson. Not on the Roster: Monty Williams will not be coaching. ‘Cause he don’t work there no more.

Friday, July 16, vs. Washington, 5 p.m. (7 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Sun Yue, JaVale McGee, Jon Scheyer (shut up, no he’s not, he’s playing for Miami. Update your shit, Wizards internet. Haha). Draft Pick: John Wall. El Numero Uno gets a nice challenge here going up against DC. Not on the Roster: I don’t even know who’s on the Wizards anymore.

Saturday, July 17, vs. Toronto, 3:30 p.m. (5:30 p.m. Central)

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Bobby Brown (BOBBY!!!), Sonny Weems, DeMar DeRozan, Joey Dorsey. Draft Pick: Ed Davis, Solomon Alabi. Not on the Roster: I think all the Raptors young players are here. Lots of vets could equal a challenge for our squad. This game is the only one not on NBA TV, but never fear, I shall post the address of the illegal feed when I find it.

Let the countdown begin!

He’s a talker, this one. Welcome to New Orleans, Craig! We don’t care if you washed your socks or not. :-)

Hornets 247 has a video of his reaction to being drafted. (I am a sucker for heartwarming draft night videos, oh yes I am. Especially when they cry. Just kidding. Well, maybe not.) More interesting is this story and this one, indicating that Iowa State’s coach — and former T-Wolves exec– Fred Hoiberg knew or guessed at least a half hour in advance he would go to New Orleans. (He wrote “No. 21, N.O.” on a piece of paper after the #16 pick and put it in his pocket.) I wonder if we just liked his workout that much… I know some Hornets fans don’t like this pick, but you really can’t go wrong with two first round prospects for the price of one (not to mention trading Mo Pete’s $6.5M contract). Fun Fact: Brackins wore #21 and was the #21 pick.

Here’s Quincy Pondexter’s post-draft interview. One reporter mentions that there are rumors OKC traded his pick to New Orleans, and he brushes it right off. Guess he was so excited to get drafted he didn’t care where. Haha. Fun Fact: Pondexter’s also responsible for this bit of YouTube hilarity:

I hope both of these kids make the team. They both sound awesome. Oh, and I guess we also hope they’ll play some ball…

Hat tip to @LSUHornet17 for the link to this radio interview on WIST 690 AM by Hornets President Hugh Weber. He addresses Chris Paul and the ownership transfer, and he does it much better than the official statement from George Shinn did yesterday.

I definitely recommend you check it out.

I would listen to it again and transcribe the interesting bits, but I was so annoyed by the chunk in the middle where he blames the Chris Paul rumors on “bloggers in the basement in their pajamas writing at midnight” that I can’t bring myself to. In fact, you can expect a scathing post in response when the draft is over.

Mr. Weber, I went to war for this team yesterday on Twitter. Both At the Hive and Hornets 247 cover your team with a depth of statistical knowledge that vastly, vastly surpasses both the local paper and the mainstream national sports media. Who, by the way, were 100% responsible for the creation and perpetuation of the Chris Paul rumors that, if you bothered to look at all, your local bloggers were savvy enough to scoff at immediately. I know all this “new media” is scary, but we’re not your enemy. And we certainly know your team better than Chad Ford and Bill freaking Simmons.

I’m sorry you don’t know it.