It was Chris Paul that Killed Michael Jackson, Jessica Biel’s boobs, and Obama is a Nazi.
By mW on September 3, 2009
Well, that should get Google’s attention. Maybe even someone who follows basketball. Apparently, my breakdown of how Chris Paul’s numbers last season gave him one of the most historic point guard seasons ever, and which, incidentally, blew away Steve Nash’s two MVP seasons, is forgotten. Some people, who don’t believe in small markets, are convinced the Hornets will finish no better than 7th this year, and that CP3 does not even get consideration, let alone a single vote, in the MVP category, though Derrick Rose and Kevin Durant do. Crazy. And people wonder why I disappear in the offseason. People are so fucking ridiculous that they forget what the sport of basketball is and/or are so fucking bored that they just invent stories to keep themselves occupied. Oooh… Stephon is insane, Rubio won’t come over, C.J. Watson only took a one year deal?! Whatthefuckever.

Listen. It’s not rocket science. If you’ve ever watched basketball, it’s pretty fucking obvious that Chris Paul is a once-in-a-generation talent. Quick, name the best players in the NBA. If you didn’t say CP, Kobe, and one other person, then you’re a moron. Yeah, yeah, freedom of choice, opinion, etc. All that also includes the freedom to be wrong, to be a moron, and just plain ignorant. Congratulations. Sometimes I wish this country was a totalitarian state and they made everyone worship the players who had talent and heart (yeah, I’m talking to you Vince Carter), rather than just those that get the most attention. At least it’d be a little more honest.
Sorry if I don’t drop to my knees and worship the capitalist propaganda that would make us believe the Knicks deserve a championship when they haven’t even put forth a team that resembles a professional unit since Allan Houston played for them and don’t bask in the glow of yet another Celtics-Lakers matchup when there are are 30 teams in the league with 30 equally laudable fanbases, or for that matter, drool at the mere mention of the “Chosen One”—a.k.a. the Nike whore or whoever makes the sponsors figure will make them the most money (um, Dwayne Wade?). Call me an elitist, call me a purist, yeah, like those are bad things, but I appreciate the game of basketball. I’ll follow the talent like Deep Throat said to follow the money. And the media is complicit. Already they’re putting it again as Kobe-LRJ for MVP and Celts-Lakeshow for the ring. Fucking sad. Unprecedented parity and they mouth the same shit? Dimemag is one of the few that gets it. They ask the hard questions. Steve Nash (no offense, dude, I love your game), and Duncan (ditto) both have two MVPs, and Shaq one? What the fuck? Dime thought that weird. Me too. But I digress. Dime also noticed that no one has truly appreciated CP3’s greatness. That the rest of the country isn’t onboard makes me want to drop a bunch of downers chased with beer like Hunter S. Thompson and go on a shooting spree.
But why cry over spilt media milk? That’s just how it is today, money, money, money. No one cares about the truth or the purity of existence that is exemplified by the beauty of physical perfection, which is exactly what excellence in sports is. Forget that Chris does things that no one has, probably ever, other than Magic, Johnny Stock, and the Big O. That’s okay. People can forget. And then the season will start. And then you’ll all remember why they called him the Baby-Faced Assassin, the Grief Merchant, or the guy who could talk about Fight Club. Call him what you will, or ignore him if you will; I’ll be watching, though, and I’ll call him what he is: a warrior, a winner, and the-real-MVP, and someday soon, an NBA Champion.
And it will happen in New Orleans. And people will wonder why they don’t know more about him. They’ll wonder what inane thing they were doing when Chris Paul did ______ because their TV station didn’t carry that game. You really want to know what “amazing” is? Just watch CP do his thing.
Until then, pretend that someone else deserves the headlines. Pretend that some other player should be the league’s MVP. When the truth is he can do things that no one else can, is a leader like few others, and who will continue to smash records on his way to greatness. I know where I’ll be when it happens. Do you?






No iffs ands or buts. Well, unless we put up like 18 three-pointers, but Butler, Mo, and the rest of the cast haven’t seemed to have been putting up that many lately, let alone making them all. But otherwise, if our two All-Stars don’t rip it up, well, it’s back to the Ledge for Hornets fans. (Speaking of, haven’t seen those Phoenix people lately…where they at?) But I don’t see our guys failing. Win or lose, these two are going to leave it all out there.
Psych. Chris Paul = Where Amazing Happens. I really can’t sum it up better than a friend of mine, Alden, who turned to me after the first quarter of the Lakers game, and said straight-faced, “that Chris Paul is a wizard.” Right? CP does seem to routinely defy the laws of physics. How better to put it? Incredulously, though, no one calls CP “the Wizard,” “the Little Wizard,” or anything similar. So how to describe his play?
You hear now and then that Chris broke one of Oscar Robertson’s records. Well, Oscar won the MVP in 1963-64. Byron also likes to call CP a six-foot Magic Johnson; MJ won the MVP three times: in 1986-87, 1988-89, and 1989-90. And, of course, the most recent point guard to win the MVP, was Steve Nash, back-to-back in 2004-05 and 2005-06. So how does CP stack up? Pretty damn well. Not the best year ever by a point guard, but certainly within the spectrum of MVP-caliber play. Let’s get to it.
One caveat must be given. Oscar Robertson played in a different era, with different rules. For starters, you’ll see he has no 3-point shooting stats. There was no 3-point shot back then. Also, they didn’t break the boards down into offensive and defensive, and didn’t count turnovers or steals. I’ve compared percentages and per game stats because obviously CP hasn’t played a full season yet this year. The immediate impression that jumps out is that CP’s year is better really than either of Nash’s MVP seasons (something which the below stats will clearly confirm). The other initial impressions are that Magic Johnson has some awesome years and the Big O played lots of minutes.
Now, the second set of stats make Chris’ case even more. First, they show that CP is the master thief among MVP point guards. Also, CP held onto the ball much better than any of these other guys. Not surprisingly, thought, he’s not the best shot blocker. Chris commits a few more fouls than anyone but Oscar, but as long as he’s not on average in foul trouble, which he’s not, who cares? Magic and Oscar definitely kill CP in scoring, but CP crushed Nash. Although, in fairness, Stevie was definitely the most effective scorer, as shown by True Shooting % and Effective Field Goal Percentage.
The only remaining question is, then, is CP as good as Kobe, Lebron, or Dwyane this year? One difficulty in making this determination is that they have different style games. It’s like trying to explain why Nash beat out Shaq in 2006. How do you really quantify what each one brings in comparison? It’s apples and oranges. Two 2 guards, a 3, and Chris at the 1? You just can’t look at the same criteria for each one, but have to balance the overall impact of each player on his team, in some sort balancing test of shifting priorities.