Hornets Hype

He might not actually be a real person right now. He might not even be on the same planet as everyone else. Outscoring Kobe Bryant with 40-11! Make that the same planet as everyone else except Chris Paul (32-15!).

You know, to tell you the truth, I had a good feeling about this one. I had it all day. You ever read the Harry Potter books? The best comparison I can think of is when Harry takes the Felix Felicis potion, the one that makes you lucky, and he’s coasting through the day like, “Nah, man, it’s aaaaaaallll good. Let’s just roll with this.” And I can’t even explain it. I felt very relaxed about this game, very unstressed. And the Hornets just roll in and show us who they can be. No pressure or anything, guys. They did it with great performances. They did it with one of the best games of the season. (Three All Stars going off? Insanity. There was total insanity happening at the Staples Center.)

I’m scared to officially announce this, but the Hornets’ season might be out of beta. Looks like we’re scheduled to release on time after all.

It’s on. Tell your friends.

You know what else makes children cry? Chris Paul not getting to start the All Star Game.

Let me repeat that, in all caps, in case you didn’t get it the first time. CHRIS PAUL MIGHT NOT START THE NBA ALL-STAR GAME.

Yes, we are talking about the man who is widely regarded as the best point guard in the game and the future of the point guard position. At the moment, in the vote count for guards in the Western Conference, Chris Paul is in third place, trailing Kobe Bryant (1 million and whatever) and Tracy McGrady (746,098).

I’m just going to cut to the chase here. I hope no one minds. And here is the message I’ve come to you here today to deliver: If you voted for Tracy McGrady, you are a douchebag. I don’t care what country you are from. You’re still douchebags. Let’s just skip the PC bullshit and say it: This is China’s fault. And we all know it. Clearly there is no other explanation for 762,162 people thinking Yi Jianlian is better than Chris Bosh, Paul Pierce, and Danny Granger. Or how about the 211,017 people who think that Rafer Alston (Houston!) is better than Brandon Roy?

09p823pohifglskjhfiug137`p20592y5ilafkhslk…. ggggg… rr. bl

Oh, excuse me. I spontaneously died on my keyboard while typing the previous sentence. You know how I feel about Brandon Roy.

Come on, China. What happened to loving the game of basketball? What happened to a sincere appreciation for the sport and those who excel at it? Chris Paul even visited your country this summer! And I bet he was nice to people while he was there. Because that is the kind of person he is. Well, you know what? Tracy McGrady wasn’t nice to the place where I live. As a matter of fact, he was outright goddamn ignorant. Maybe you should all stop for a minute and think about that.

Or don’t. Stop instead and think about the numbers.

Chris Paul

• leads the NBA in assists (11.3)
• leads the NBA in steals (3.0)
• 20.1 ppg
• 5.2 rebounds, which is hard to do when you are LESS THAN SIX FEET TALL
• widely regarded as the best point guard in the league and one of the top 4-5 players
• team is currently 18-9

Tracy McGrady

• leads the NBA in nothing
• leads his team in nothing
• 15.9 ppg, 4.7 apg, 4.8 rpg (despite having 8 inches on, well hello, what a coincidence… Chris Paul)
• widely regarded as an aging supertalented player who gets injured all the time and has never won a playoff series
• team is currently 20-11
• has only played in 23 of those games because of injury

If those stats weren’t enough for you, consider the following summary of what happened during the final 3:35 of the fourth quarter in tonight’s game against the Indiana Pacers, as brought to you by our friends At the Hive:

• 3:35 Chris Paul makes driving lay up
• 3:11 Chris Paul makes 11 foot jumper
• 2:42 Chris Paul makes driving lay up
• 2:42 Chris Paul makes free throw
• 2:23 Chris Paul steals ball
• 1:45 Chris Paul makes jumper
• 0:30 Chris Paul makes 15 foot jumper
• 0:02 Chris Paul assists on David West’s 17 foot jumper (Hornets win 105-103)

11 points in three minutes to utterly decimate the Pacers’ souls and take over the game, and this man is not an All Star starter.

Do you require more analysis? No. You don’t. I am telling you you don’t. The statistics say you don’t. Common sense says you don’t. OK, forget about Chris Paul for a second. Yes, really. Let’s just forget about the stats I just cited and pause for a moment… and think about the fact that, the way the All Star balloting is set up (it’s stupid, you know it’s stupid, I know it’s stupid, but we must operate with concise guerilla voting tactics within the confines of its stupidity here), if voting ended today, the West would start Kobe Bryant and Tracy McGrady. The West– home to the likes of Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Steve Nash, and Jason Kidd– would not start a point guard. That is just disgraceful. It’s a travesty. It’s a joke.

What is the logical conclusion to be drawn here? If you are one of the 746,098 people who voted for Tracy McGrady, then you can give yourself an extra special pat on your own back, because you, my friend, are a douchebag. Douche. Bag. If you think you can live with that, fine. But just remember… at the end of the day, a douchebag doesn’t have a brain. It’s just a somewhat archaic feminine hygiene product.

So if you are reading this post thinking, “Wow, did this person just imply that the citizens of an entire nation are douchebags?” then you have it right. Yes. Yes, I did. I want us to be perfectly clear on that point. And I didn’t imply it. I flat out said it. (OK, you got me. Obviously they can’t all be douchebags, since there are way more than 700K people in China. But these voters are.)

What can we all do about it? I don’t know. How do you compete with a nation of All Star-voting douchebags, when that nation is bigger than America? That is a question I am not sure how to answer. And as a small-market team, it’s already hard enough to compete with the douchebags in larger American cities with crappier players than CP. (And don’t think you’re off the hook, America. The 200,000 people who voted for Gilbert Arenas, despite the fact that he hasn’t played a minute all year? You douchebags deserve a special shout out.) But there’s one thing I know how to do. And that is check the friggin’ checky box. Check it next to CHRIS. PAUL. I urge you all to do the same. Don’t do it for me. Do it for the sport of basketball.

And so we’re not all really, really embarrassed come the All Star break.

THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE. BROUGHT TO YOU BY HORNETSHYPE.COM. THANK YOU FOR READING. AND HAVING A BRAIN.

Seriously. No questions. Or I will have to kill people.

Fourth quarter. The Hornets are in the hole big time. The crowd doesn’t know what to do. The usual shots just aren’t going in. We’ve been here before. May 19th. The Spurs went on to take a heartbreaking Game 7 on the Hornets’ floor, 91-82.

Tonight, on Chris Paul’s historic record-setting ball-thieving night, the Hornets also found themselves down in the fourth quarter. The crowd was subdued, after coming out screaming and booing and standing in what absolutely looked and felt like a playoff game. With 8 minutes to go, the Hornets were behind 74-67. I sat in the arena watching the shots not falling, thinking, “Not again.”

Not tonight. I wrote on May 19th that Game 7 would be one that defined the team.

And maybe it did. This time New Orleans won 90-83.

• Wow.
• CP’s huge jump ball against Manu Ginobili. Insane. He’s at least 6 inches shorter, maybe 7. It was like he just went, “I will not be stopped.” (mW while watching the replay: “Oh my god, I think he actually flopped on the jump ball. No, seriously, I think he’s in the act of flopping WHILE IN THE AIR.”)
• D-West for three? Wait, really? OK… D-West for three AGAIN??
• I straight up want to have sex with James Posey. But that’s OK, because so does everyone else who was in New Orleans Arena. Yep, even the dudes. The man seals the deal like none other.
• Our side of the arena saw CP’s steal right away and everyone leaped out of their seats and started yelling. “THAT WAS IT! Was that it? That was it!” It rolled into a standing O that lasted several minutes, drowned out the PA guy, and ended with Chris Paul going to center court alone and waving to the crowd.
• I forgot about mW’s rampant hatred for Kurt Thomas.
• Tyson! Making both free throws down the stretch to give the Hornets the lead! Tyson, I love you! I wear your jersey!
• I want a stat for how many consecutive games CP has done that thing where he runs in a circle around the opposing team’s entire defense and then either passes or scores. That alley oop with Chandler where no one should conceivably have been looking that direction was… whoa.
• Oh, yeah, and this all happens with Peja and Mo Pete not dressed, and in fact not even there. The Hornets rolled with the same nine guys all night (they didn’t have to– hello, Byron– but whatev).
• “Why are they booing Tony Parker?” – random commenter on Spurs blog. Psshhh. Why AREN’T we booing the Spurs? That is the question.
• Rasual Butler’s ridiculously ridiculous stretch of what had to be the best 10 seconds of his career. He races down the court to get the hard foul on a Spurs breakaway, somehow comes up with a block instead, steals the ball back, dives to save it from going out of bounds, and then scores on a jumper.
• LOL at CP being interviewed after the game calling his steal record “a weird stat.” Also, sure enough, as he’s said before, he also mentioned the fact that D West shoots threes all the time and is perfectly capable of it, he just doesn’t take the shot in games. We’re all glad he took it tonight.
• Quote of the Night: “Ginobili is 6′6. He used to be 6′7. But his hair flopped.” – mW
• At the free throw line with 17 seconds left, Chris Paul received the first MVP chant of the season. This time he hit both of the free throws too.
• Best game I’ve seen this season, hands down.
• I wore my tall socks to this game, and I am not sure I should launder them ever. I wouldn’t want to wash the Win off them.
• Wow.

I told you I was going to wear tall socks. They are an homage to Posey. They are the wrong color for tonight's game, but the gods of the three care not.

The answer is nothing, right?

Wrong! As proven by tonight’s giveaway, featuring not one but two Chris Pauls. The Hornets are participating in Hardwood Classic Night, kicking it old school ABA style in New Orleans Bucs jerseys. (Damn, those shorts are small. The Hornets, it should be noted, will be playing tonight sans small shorts. That is to say, they will be wearing shorts. But they’ll be regular uniform sized shorts.) But if you want your two Chris Pauls, you have to be one of the first 8,000 people through the door. Which means you will have to forgo the dollar beers, alas.

There are probably still tickets available if you want to get in on this, because the Hornets are putting the revenge smackdown on playing the Charlotte Bobcats.

Meanwhile, over at At the Hive, Hornets GM Jeff Bower answers his phone calls…

Update: Meanwhile, it seems Jeff Bower really was on the phone, because the team seems to have traded Mike James to Washington for Antonio Daniels.

For the 1259th time in the last year or two it has become painfully obvious that national journalists do not watch the Hornets.  They do not know the Hornets.  And they simply don’t take the time to research the Hornets.  In yesterday’s ESPN Dime, Jalen Rose said the following:

I’m a big Chris Paul fan, and he should definitely be in the argument when talking about best point guards in the game, but to me, [Tony] Parker is the best point guard playing. He plays in a situation where it’s all about the pot of gold at the end. It’s all about the title for him. His statistics might not be 20 and 10 on a nightly basis, but that is because he plays with two other superstars. One thing about being a good teammate is the unselfishness to let others make plays. You have to do that in order for your team to be a championship contender. I’ve always respected that about his game. Paul is the most talented point guard in the game, but Parker is the best point guard.

Is Rose actually implying Paul gets his 20/10 selfishly?  What an idiot.  Anyone who has watched the Hornets more than once (read not Bill Simmons) knows that Paul is the most selfless player on the floor.  What apparently people don’t realize is how often Paul has 2/7 at halftime.  Then he puts up 16 the next quarter, while picking up 1 assist, and then goes 2/2 in the final stanza.  He is a uniquely talented man, who can score at will.  If he was selfish, he’d have 30/10 every night, punctuated by 40 and 50 point games now and then.  (As we wondered at atthehive the other week, what would happen if CP just decided to try to score every play?  Could he put up 60?  80?  100?  Could anyone stop him?)  If Paul was going for statistics only, he’d probably have more rebounds and steals too.  But as Paul himself said, “Some guys look to score.  I look to win.”

Moreover, Jalen Rose claims Tony Parker’s numbers are lower because there are two superstars on his team.  Timmy and Manu?  Fine.  How about those guys called West and Peja in Nola?  Besides, did Rose miss the fact that the assist leader is typically the man presumed to be the least selfish and most engaged in getting his teammates going?  Not to mention the fact that Paul had more 15+ assist games than anyone last year.  Listen, I love Tony Parker.  He’s clearly one of the point guards in the game.  But CP’s one of the best players in the game.  Honestly, if CP had played on the Spurs teams that Tony did, he’d have rings too.  Give him a few years to compare to Parker’s.  We’ll see what happens.

You could have just said how good Tony was, Jalen.  You didn’t have to bring CP into it.  Idiot.

In this morning’s Times Picayune, CP fires back at Bill Simmons. By now you’re aware of my opinion of Simmons’ column alleging the chemistry problems between Chris Paul and coach Byron Scott. But you knew Chris Paul, despite his choirboy reputation offcourt, would have something to say. You can read the whole article here, but this is CP’s quote:

For his part, Paul, too, was dumbfounded over the baseless Internet report.

“It’s crazy,” Paul said. “I figure you guys (beat writers) who are with us every day, if something was going on, you all would see it. Maybe he knows something I don’t know. If he knows something I don’t know, tell him to let me know. I would think me and coach might have one of the best relationships out of the entire NBA.

“I guess people got to have something to talk about. Maybe he should come to a game. Let’s talk. If I had a problem with coach, I’d say it. I guess he comes to one game, and he can figure it out.”

Snark! We knew CP could do snark, after the Rafer Alston incident last spring. Here’s the thing. I don’t care if it’s true or not. They were aware that it was out there, floating on the front page of ESPN.com and giving a negative impression of the team to casual NBA fans, and so they dealt with it. (Just to show you how quick that stuff travels, I’ve already read one article this weekend, and now I can’t remember where, that cited the Simmons column about the CP/Byron clash. “Reports are that Chris Paul and Byron Scott…”) Chris Paul is not going to go rogue, or go Marbury, or any junk like that.

No. You circle up, close ranks, and deal with it behind closed doors. You stick up for the team.

And you know what? I’ll throw a shout-out to the T.P. beat writers too on this one. You did something right.

OMG! Despair! Bill Simmons thinks the Hornets’ team chemistry is in DIRE PERIL. We should be freaking out. And we should listen to him. Because he has a PhD in these things.
And because, in the second quarter of a road game in which the Hornets had yet to pull away from the Clippers, a 2-11 team, he thought, in his expert opinion, they didn’t look happy enough.

Claims the front page story on ESPN.com (yes, seriously, photographic proof to the left– slow news day what?), “I mistakenly believed it would be one of those lovefest teams that players josh around during the shootarounds before each half and hug each other too much. Nope.”

Wait, huh? Don’t they? Is he talking about the same Hornets team I’m watching? Now, usually I would say, who am I to lay doubt upon the sage and expert opinions of the Sports Guy? But I think it is fair to say I have watched more Hornets games in the past year and a half than he has, approximately, ever. And to me, the Hornets generally look like they’re having a great time out there with each other. Except for Chris Paul, who looks like he is about to go nova and kill people. But guys, this is the way he always looks on the court. Haven’t you people seen the highlight from one of the playoff wins last year, where Mo Pete comes up to hug CP, and CP swaggers and slaps him away because he’s in total game mode? It’s not that he hates Mo Pete, he’s just got his game face on.

Is there maybe a bit more tension because the Hornets aren’t doing as well as their stated goals for themselves and their team? Perhaps. You know, I would be worried if they were dropping games to teams like the Sacramento Kings and then going out and goofing around. That would show they weren’t taking the losing seriously. The thing about Chris Paul tuning out Byron Scott? I don’t know. I personally don’t think Byron Scott actually does that much on-court coaching. He mostly just knows CP is gonna do his thing, and trusts him to do it. It’s not like they need to be buddy-buddy and talk all the time.

Still, I guess Bill Simmons could be right. And we are in for ridiculous Jason Kidd-esque sabotaging and chemistry issues.

Yeah. Well, back up for a sec. And consider who we’re talking about. For example, in the same column, Simmons drops this gem:

9. Is there a dumber argument in sports than “Chris Paul or Deron Williams”?

I argued before the season, passionately, that Paul was in a different league and earned myself a few death threats from the Salt Lake City area. (You stay classy, Utah.) Check out their 2009 stats through four weeks:

• Paul: 20.5 PPG, 12.2 APG, 2.9 steals, 52.3% FG, 85.6% FT.
• Williams: 7.5 PPG, 8.0 APG, 0.0 steals, 26.7% FG, 66.7% FT.

I mean, that’s a landslide! Come on! Can we all agree to stop arguing about this?

Nice analysis there, “Sports Guy.” Oh, except for the fact that Deron Williams has played in 2 games this year for a whopping statistical sample of 32 minutes each. But I mean, you go right ahead. That’s a great time to quote stats from “four weeks” into the season. Was that paragraph meant to be sarcasm? No, I’m serious. Was it, and I just didn’t get it? Because I believe CP3 is better, as much as the next Hornets fan, but I believe the technical term for analysis like that is statistically retarded. (And if it’s sarcasm, he’s still stupid. Does he not realize that thousands of eyes-glazed-over Utah fans are going to ambush him on the way to his car in the dark of night. Does he have a death wish?)

You know what? Hit me back when this happens.

Until then let’s just say I’m not worried. As a wise man once said, ‘Get back motherf***** you don’t know me like that.”

It’s okay, Posey. We all do. We all do.

Yes, you may touch the greatness

Something I’ve been tossing about with TT6, and also discussed the other day at another great Hornets’ blog, At The Hive, is what I’ll call the Chaos Effect.  I think it’s what makes the Hornets offense great, not just good.  Normally, they are this San Antonio-type mold offense, who just methodically chunks points away like a banker counting his money.  A jumper here, an alley-oop here, a three here, oops, you’re up by twelve!  Sweet!  But part of what makes them uber-effective is Chris Paul.  No surprise, right?  But there are two questions that this specifically begs: (1) specifically why, and (2) how does this translate to the second unit?

1.  Specifically why (admittedly, only in part…)?  Chris is at his most effective when he is swimming through  the lane the offensive zone.  I’m not sure what the right word is other than swimming.  He’s so fluid cutting through defenders and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone do it like he does, his head on a swivel with 360 awareness, juking and jiving, and all at full speed.  That’s what’s the craziest.  CP doesn’t even slow down.  He just tears through everyone.  How can teams react, rotate, or defend when they don’t even know where he is?  It’s pure chaos.  And while teams are scrambling to cut him off, he dishes to the open shooter or someone streaking to the rim.  2 points.  It’s this Chaos Effect that makes him unstoppable and can utterly confound defenses.

2. The Second Unit.  Now for the tough question.  What does the second unit do to replicate this kind of chaotic energy?  So far in the regular season, they haven’t.  Three point howitzers fired by Posey and Butler have been the key to our second unit.  They misfired last game, though, and we lost.  Mike James has seemed utterly unable to get the offense to run like it does with CP.  Of course it’s because he’s not CP.  But it’s also because he can’t create the Chaos Effect.  But Julian Wright can.  Remember the first few games of the preseason, when we started to think that MJ really was going to be a great back-up?  He had Ju-Ju.  With MJ able to drive or shoot, Butler and Posey on the wings, and Hilton underneath, it was Julian who was able to terrorize the opposing team’s defense with his chaotic style of play.  Ju-Ju might spot up for three, he might take a midrange jumper, he might drive to the hole; or he might just pass it off to an open shooter; but moreso, he did it with freakish celerity and balance, and always seems keenly aware of his floor spacing.  It’s chaotic.  He’s frenetic energy.  And I’m not even getting to his defense here.  Julian was the one who created the Chaos Effect on the second unit, and he who made MJ look good.  So for once, I’m not sure why Byron is so insistent on returning him to 110% conditioning.  The man only needs to play 10-20 minutes.  Let him go out there and go nuts on other teams.

I’d like to see it tonight.  Please, Byron.  I believe.  In Chaos.

People have been sending me mad cool stuff from around the internet, and this blog has been out of town (Adirondacks, Gustav, and San Francisco, in that order) for most of the last 3 weeks, so I haven’t had a chance to post it.

• Stu Holdren from NBA Noise sent me this wild and crazy Toyota Sequoia that’s being auctioned on Ebay. It’s an All Star Game themed car that’s got a mini-replica of the New Orleans All Star court, which is signed by Chris Paul among other super famous NBA names. It’s also got a 32 inch TV and (I missed this the first time around!) is decorated in BASKETBALL. You know, like some cars are made of all leather interior? This one is made of orange basketball. Seriously. Go have a look. And hey, if you’ve got $69,000 kicking around…
• Cox Sports TV (Ch. 37 in New Orleans) announced that they’ll carry 65 Hornets games. When you add in the previously announced nationally televised games, that’s a total of 78 Hornets games on TV. Which is apparently the most the team has ever had. That’s not counting NBATV games that haven’t been decided yet, either. CST isn’t doing any preseason games, unfortunately. And if you have Direct TV or Charter, you’re still pretty much screwed. OTHERWISE, Matt thinks the TV schedule is hype-worthy. And I agree.
• New Jordan CP shoes are out in the world… they look a little busier than the first version. Chris Paul was actually wearing them in the photo shoot a couple weeks ago with the new uniforms. (Thanks to Mark for the pics.)
  

  CP back view

  

  2009 CP shoe

  And finally, CP3, LeBron, Deron Williams, Chris Bosh and Dwight Howard eat Wendy’s in a gas station next to, as Chris Paul astutely notes, a rack of Pennzoil and Slim Jims. Hilarity. (Thanks to Ethan for the link. And Chris Bosh for being so awesome as to YouTube stuff like this so we can all giggle over it.)

And look, I finally upgraded Wordpress, and henceforth my pictures will have cute little captions. Only today they’re not cute because I just got off a plane. And now– I’m out like Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers at rookie camp…