Hornets Hype

Admittedly, since the New Orleans Hornets landed Chris Paul, it’s been easy to be a fan. After being thrown into the deep West, the once-Playoff-worthy Hornets nose-dived into one of the worst years in franchise history, short as it is. But then we drafted this kid that somehow three other teams didn’t sense would be a once-in-a-generation talent. Other than one half-blind thieves’ fan (yes, Utah, you stole our team and colors and we tend not to forget things like that), Chris was the unanimous Rookie of the Year in 2005-06, and we started to believe things would be okay, even though still suffering from the aftereffects of Hurricane Katrina, and with our team still playing in Oklahoma City.

Injuries tarnished the next year, but then, back in New Orleans, the Hornets suddenly were contending with the Lakers for the top spot in the West, and Chris was contending for MVP, and, yeah, our coach won the yearly honor for turning the ship around. We believed that just as he did in Jersey, this coach would take us to the Finals. Life as a Hornets fan was easy. Two of every three games was a win. We had the All-Star Game in Nola, featuring two Hornets’ players and our coach, and Chris Paul was hailed as the Savior of Basketball in New Orleans. As fans, we honestly, honestly believed that when the media talk of Kobe, Lebron, and Wade faded in May and the dust settled, it was Chris and the Hornets that they’d be talking about in June.

Except nothing’s that easy in the chaos of the NBA, and you learn that nothing can be taken for granted; there are no guarantees. Even if you have one of the top three talents in the League. In hindsight, you begin to respect the Pistons and Pacers of old, the Lakers and Mavs now, and all the other teams who are there every year, playing late into the Second Season and legitimately fighting for Rings. For Hornets’ fans, 2008-09 was a rough one, marred again by injuries, but still, at least we were in the Playoffs, which is, of course, why our guys play the game. Even if it didn’t end like we wanted, we’d find redemption the next year.

But then a 3-7 start that even Chris Paul couldn’t save, a coach that lost his team, and then his job, and we all felt sucker-punched. We had assumed the prior year was the aberration, not our success of two years ago. Were we wrong? Did we or did we not have three career all-stars? Did we or did we not have the X-Factor of back-ups in Ringmaster, James Posey? Did we not have two promising rookies that tore up the Summer League? What was wrong with this team? The only bright spot was a sterling home record to give us our money’s worth for our ticket price purchases; but this was overshadowed by the team’s utter inability to win on the road and a porous defense. Then injuries started creeping in again, and then seats that were sold stopped being bought. Those of us, who out of habit, still look around the Arena at the start of every game to gauge the attendance, figured with the Saints’ success, there was less attention on basketball, generally, but the empty seats would be temporary, right? We’d heal up, pull ourselves into the Playoffs, football would end, and the sell-outs would ensue, right? Kind of. That was the plan before Chris got injured.

Life, generally speaking, is a creature of chaos, not bound to order or rules, no matter how hard we try to insist otherwise; the NBA is little different, and perhaps, even a hyperbole of life’s ordinary upheaval: where all the chaos is played out in front of us, to be taped, recorded, and Tivo’d for instant re-watching and slow-motion back angle reviews again and again, concomitant with the back-room deals and quiet trades that transform even the most stable teams out from under us. So, as fans, our neat little plan to back a yearly winner is subject to that beyond our control, and when our expectations collide with a harsh reality, it can take a toll on that which makes us want to be fans in the first place. But one thing I can say about this Hornets team, which may yet serve them well in the short weeks to come: they are fighters. In few games, win or lose, have they refused to fight, to give it their all. Even as they make frustrating mistakes—bad passes, errant dribbles, stupid fouls—they’re trying their hardest. On most nights, they give us the opportunity to experience a wondrous sense of vicarious agency were anything can happen. And on some nights, maybe even Amazing will happen.

That’s why I became a basketball fan. And in New Orleans, where we look-out for anything that’s ours and jealousy guard it even as we willingly share it with our friends and visitors, a paradox that escapes many transients to our City, we’re still excited about the Hornets and support them without reservation. That won’t stop anytime soon, despite all the panic-mongers who have been on the blogs and boards from our first loss telling everyone to blow the team up and start over. If you’re one of those types, then maybe you just don’t get it. Maybe you never will. And maybe you were the one walking out of a 7 point game with 4:32 to go.

It’s hard to be a fan of a bubble-team with higher expectations. But it’s still basketball. And the Hornets are our team. All the hindsight in the world can tell you what they’re doing wrong. But seeing how hard they work to make it right, makes it worth it. I’m impressed with Jeff Bower, and believe he has us moving in the right direction. We have a solid core and a respectable bench, when healthy. Our rookies are fantastic, and, of course, we have Chris Paul, who is still our Savior. Nonetheless, with all the adversity we’ve faced this year, maybe we won’t make the Playoffs. But that’s okay, because I believe that if they don’t become who we think they can be this year, they will next year. Or the next year after that. I’ll wait.

Is this too blunt?

I just don’t.

Recently a lot of Hornets fans and other people around the internet seem to have an opinion about Chris Paul’s knee surgery. Or, specifically, Chris Paul’s knee surgery coupled with Darren Collison’s solid play in his absence, and what this could mean for the future of the franchise. This discussion usually occurs with melodramatic hyperbole, ie: “Chris Paul is never going to be the same again!”

We’ve actually heard this before, last season, when the Hornets tried to trade Tyson Chandler at the deadline and the trade was rescinded because he failed his physical in Oklahoma City. The internet was rife with speculation and presumption: “The Hornets must know something we don’t.” “Anyway we all know Tyson Chandler will never play at that level again.” “His career is over, it’s good we got rid of him.” And then the worst thing that could have happened in the world happened: Tyson Chandler actually has missed 22 games in Charlotte due to the same two injuries in the same foot. From the reaction from some quarters of the Hornets internet, you’d think this had spontaneously given people medical degrees. Because THEY WERE RIGHT.

Let me tell you a story. A couple weeks ago, I was reading a blog, and some sanctimonious douche in the comment thread took it upon himself to critique the grammar of the original poster, rather than respond to the content of the post. I read the comment and was left baffled and slightly embarrassed for the person. See, I majored in English, specifically writing, and I’ve taught English in the past. What the person had spent two paragraphs laying out– in pretentious and condescending language, of course– was not an actual grammatical term. It just wasn’t a real thing. The person clearly thought it was a real thing… but it just wasn’t.

And the thing is, grammar is the kind of thing you can look up on a wiki. You can’t look up how to operate on people’s body parts with FRICKIN LASER BEAMS on a wiki. This is all a long-winded way of saying that the point you may think you are making, when you expound on something about which you have no expertise, you might not really be making at all. You may even– I know, gasp!– be saying things that an actual medical professional is sitting in her chair giggling at on coffee break.

So when you offer comments such as “CHRIS PAUL IS NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AGAIN AFTER THIS SURGERY EVERYONE KNOWS IT THE HORNETS ARE JUST HIDING IT TRADE HIM NOW,” my first question is, Are you in the medical field? My second question is, Are you a doctor? My third question is, Are you an orthopedic surgeon? My fourth question is, Are you one of the top orthopedic surgeons in sports medicine in the United States? My fifth question is, Have you been sent back in time from the future using Skynet technology? If the answer to none of those questions is yes, you can be quite comfortable in assuming that I don’t care about your medical opinion.

I might be persuaded to make an exception, if you can convince me you have in fact had surgery on your own meniscus at least 2+ years ago, and would like to offer your personal experience with the level of pain, recovery time, etc. But I would still take it with a huge grain of salt, because there is a wide range of difference in how people recover from injuries and surgeries, and (no offense to your health insurance) the level of therapy and care an NBA player receives is probably higher than the level you got. Grant Hill almost died in 2003, yet is still in the NBA at age 37. Dejuan Blair has no freakin’ ACLs. It is pointless to sit and judge what an injury will or will not do to a player until the surgery is over, rehab is completed, and he’s been back playing for about 6 months to a year.

So, you may want to try and tell me these things, things like “Darren Collison is going to be a starting caliber point guard so the Hornets need to trade Chris Paul RIGHT NOW while his value is high.” But I will just refer you to the title of this post, which, in case you forgot, is “I Don’t Care About Your Pretend Medical Opinion.” The reason I titled it that… is because I don’t care. I’m not against free speech. I’m not against you having an opinion that is different from mine. I’m just letting you know that, on this topic at least, it is quite impossible for you to make me care about it, unless your answers to questions 2 through 5, as listed above, are yes. (And on #5, it really is going to depend on if you’re a terminator or not, because I am not sure I trust anything terminators say, no offense.) So you should not waste your time.

Just for gits and shiggles, here are some other things I don’t care about, so you can not bother talking to me about them either:

• reality TV
• major league baseball
• Tracy McGrady

Thank you for your time and have a good day.

About a week and a half back, I got a ticket to attend the ESPN taping of Chris Paul’s annual celebrity bowling event. Well, here’s my big shiny recap of the day, complete with pictures. Be warned, though, since this is going to be on TV, I can’t tell you who wins. But believe me when I say the ending was about as exciting as you can get in bowling.

The trophy

Upon my arrival at Harrah’s Hotel to catch the shuttle to the event, I immediately see Ludacris wander out (on the phone) and stand right next to where I am. He’s wearing sunglasses and a red leather jacket with his name stitched on it. (I tweet: “Ten minutes ago I was standing right beside Ludacris. He DEFINITELY is not tall. He may be shorter than me.”) Jack Del Rio, coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, was also there to bowl, as well as LaMarr Woodley and Hines Ward of the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Tweet: “Am standing beside Hines Ward and LaMarr Woodley. I guess they are football ppl or something. They’re not very tall.”) I’m not sure what my strange obsession with celebrity height is. It just seems that every time I meet someone I expect them to be tall, and they’re not. Haha.

Everyone was waiting around for Chris Paul to arrive. Which he did, quite ironically, as I was leaning on a column in the hotel lobby tweeting on my Blackberry about how none of the celebrities were tall. He literally strolled through my field of vision about two feet away. It will probably not come as a shock to you that he is not tall, either. Chris Paul is wearing a Yankees cap and a pair of navy and orange Nikes. I immediately decide to start an obnoxious Twitter rumor about him signing with the Knicks.

We hopped on the shuttles to the event (I was on the one with the Hornets people and PBA people, not the celebrities), which was held on the Belle Chase Naval Base. The audience was basically all servicemen and women, in uniform, and some of them brought their kids. The minute we got there I realized A) the place was really, really small, and B) I was sitting in the front row. I was definitely going to be on TV at some point. Yuck. I pulled my stuff out of my bag and began to furtively tackily do my makeup. Meanwhile, the celebrities and the PBA bowlers they were matched up with started to warm up, as the ESPN crew gave instructions to the crowd.

Jason Belmonte, Pete Weber, and Ludacris

This was the first TV taping of anything I’ve ever been to. I can tell you that it was mostly three things: 1) Hot, 2) Long, and 3) Late. Everything was late. It started late. It ended late. Mostly this was due to the “commercial breaks” they built into it, even though it wasn’t live. So the guy would get on the loudspeaker and tell people they had ten minutes to get food or go to the bathroom. And whenever he did this, the entire audience would– you guessed it– get up. And then it took forever to get everyone back in their seats and continue with the tournament. The event started with a play-in round between Jack Del Rio and LaMarr Woodley to see which of them would be on the fourth team in the main tournament. (I’m not sure that part is going to be televised.) But after that, we didn’t get to take any more pictures, so as not to spoil how it all turns out. Yes, I know who wins, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU. Muahahaha… Chris Paul, however, has never won his own tournament, which, considering the supercompetitor that he is, must really really irk him, so I can tell you he was gunning for it.

Chris & Ludacris

One of my favorite moments involved little CP, Chris Paul’s baby son who was sitting with his parents two rows behind me. At one point, Chris was about to bowl, and little CP starts loudly going, “Da-da! Da-da!” The whole place was silent, so everyone heard him. Chris turned around and gave him a smile and a little wave. Then he bowled a strike. It was super, super cute. My other favorite moment was when Hines Ward dived down the lane on his stomach after making a really big shot. The guys were being goofy and making it fun to watch.

The only other Hornet who made an appearance was Peja, who came for a bit with his five-year-old son. He actually sat right behind me, which is a nice way of saying his knees were in my back because it is really hard to sit on bleachers when you’re 6-10. This is the point in the broadcast where you will definitely see me, because they do a close-up of Peja and put his name up on the screen. And lo, there I will be, trying to look like I’m not looking at myself on the screen across the way. Chris Paul came up and sat behind me and talked to Peja for a bit. Peja was mentioning a present CP had gotten his son for Christmas, I think, and saying his son wasn’t really into basketball (he knows that his dad plays but that’s about it) but ever since then he talks about Chris Paul. Aw. Peja and his son, by the way, do not speak in English to each other.

I did get introduced to and shake hands with both of them. Chris Paul was his usual polite self. I mentioned I had met him before when I won a video contest, and he said, “Oh, that’s right, the MVP video.” (I think this is more a function of there being only one video contest in the last 3 years than Chris Paul having an OMG AMAZING MEMORY, so don’t get too excited. Haha.) I was sitting right in front of the whole Paul family and friends contingent, and they were all very nice.

Me and Hines Ward after he tried to cut me off. Haha

Afterward there was a reception at Harrah’s Hotel. We chatted with some fans, random people, and Hornets employees. I had an entertaining conversation with one of the biggest name-droppers I have ever met (seriously, this guy deserved an award). Hines Ward and LaMarr Woodley amusingly parked themselves at the bar and made themselves the center of the party, chatting and taking pictures with just about everyone who came up to get a drink. They also kept pushing pineapple juice and vodka (ew!) on people. I have one funny celebrity story from that night, and here it is: I went up to the bar to grab myself a drink. After declining the pineapple and vodka, I mentioned that I was going to have one drink, because I had to work the next day. It was only 9:30 at that point. Hines asked me what I did for a living, that I had to be up at 6:30 AM for. I told him, and he informed me he was going to order the perfect drink for me. He turned away for a second, and then turned back to me with…. a bottle of water. I said, “Wait, did you just cut me off?” Him: “Yup.” Other appearances at the party included local artist Amanda Shaw and Danny Glover, who strolled in in a long trench coat and had everyone excited, even Chris Paul.

The event will air on ESPN on Super Bowl Sunday. I recommend watching or DVR-ing if you like:

• actual PBA bowling
• Chris Paul
• glimpses of Ticktock6 looking goofy on national TV
• exciting endings that go down to the very last frame

Below the cut, a gallery of pictures from the event (they’re big, so Scary Loading Time Warning). Huge thanks to Matt of Storm Surge Photography. Please contact him and not me if you’d like to use any of them on your site:

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Happy Mardi Gras!

The Hornets officially unveiled their Mardi Gras special third jerseys today in a super secret (OK, not really, it was semi-open to the public, just at the inconvenient hour of 3 PM, so I didn’t go) ceremony at Mardi Gras World. So it clashes like crazy and might make your eyes bleed. Everything Mardi Gras related clashes like crazy! It’s all good. I mean, you can’t complain about the colors in this case. The colors are Mardi Gras. I like the NOLA and the patterned sides. The only thing I’m not a fan of is the two-toned front and back. It looks really cool in theory, but the Hornets better not be playing any teams that wear green or purple, because you won’t be able to tell who’s coming or going. Like the 2008 All Star jerseys that looked great until you realized the white/gold of the West looked really similar to the white/silver of the East, and when the players turned around it was impossible to tell which team was which.

And now for some pics from the unveiling, courtesy of Matt a.k.a. Storm Surge Photography. Darren Collison and Julian Wright modeled the jerseys for fans and media. Click the thumbnail to see the large version. Huge thanks to Matt, who attended the event, for sending along the pics.

I bet people will totally pick these up. It’s something you can wear at parades every year. It’s the very definition of “local color.” Check out what UniWatch has to say about the new jerseys (basically that they do so many things wrong, it should be hideous, and yet they like ‘em anyway). You can already buy a Chris Paul one, plus matching wristbands, headband, and hat in the Hornets Nest online store. The unis debut on February 5th at home vs. the Sixers.

P.S. Look at the close-up detail on the CP jersey. I just realized the trim that actually looks like a weird checkered pattern is actually BEADS. Now that’s pretty cool.

Chris Paul Mardi Gras swingman