Hornets Hype

You are right. I am wrong. The Hornets are the Dirtiest! Basketball! Team! Ever! Assembled! There has never in the history of basketball been such a conglomeration of cheap, dirty players on one team. You don’t even have to argue with me. I’m conceding! I even included video proof.

I really don’t even know how I can follow this team and still respect myself in the morning. A Flagrant 2 doesn’t even reflect how dirty the Hornets are, from that little punk Chris Paul to that big punk David West and right on down. They should invent the Flagrant 7 JUST FOR THIS TEAM. Yup. You all are totally right, O Anonymous Internet Commenters. You have converted me. You are wise.

Now will you shut up?

Haters.

In these dark times, what’s better than the Hornets singing Good Times?

I think you’ll all agree, with the exception of if Chris Paul was playing tonight, nothing.

Oh, and in other pregame linkage, Ticktock6 does some Hornets Q&A on Talk Hoops.

Good luck tonight AD! … We out.

The last we heard from Bonzi Wells, he was putting up 52 points in China for $40K a year and some egg rolls. There were rumors that Chinese fans referred to him as “His Majesty,” the best player to grace the Chinese Basketball Association.

On January 12, we learn that they play the Hallelujah chorus when he dunks. No, I didn’t make that up. When have I ever made stuff like that up? … Oh, OK. But regardless, this time I’m not:

In the final period, the 1.96-metre (six-foot-five-inch) guard/forward repeatedly played off the screens of his Nigerian teammate Olumide Oyedeji to beat his defender and race down the lane for slam dunks. That’s when the public address system blared a five-second snippet of Handel’s Hallelujah chorus as the frenzied crowd — few of whom were likely to know the classic’s homage to the resurrection of Christ — stood and cheered.

“In all my years, I have never heard the Hallelujah chorus at a basketball game,” Shanxi’s American coach Bob Weiss, formerly of the National Basketball Association’s Seattle Supersonics, told AFP.

AND he was going to be on the cover of China’s version of Sports Illustrated:

After going through a strategy session at a practice last week, Wells spent the rest of the afternoon at a photo shoot for the Chinese edition of Sports Illustrated magazine. Wells is expected to grace the cover of the magazine for its Chinese New Year’s edition — an impressive accomplishment for a new comer to the country.

But wait, hold the presses, because last week Shanxi Zhongyu apparently sacked Wells when he never came back from vacation.

“He should have come back to the club on January 30, but he did not,” said the man, who declined to be named. According to a statement posted on Zhongyu’s website over the weekend, Wells — who was dogged by troublesome on-court behaviour and run-ins with coaches during his 10-year NBA career — went home for a holiday last month. He was meant to come back on January 27, but asked for a two-day extension to “attend to some personal matters,” the statement said.

On January 29, he asked for another extension, which the club agreed to as long as he came back in time for a weekend match. Wells, however, still failed to return, prompting the cancellation of his one-year contract.

Wait, what? HAHAHA! Hey, guys, maybe we should sign him.

And while he’s at it, he could bring me an egg roll. ‘Cause I got all this leftover Chinese in my fridge right now but no egg rolls.

The NBA… Where, ‘It’s Really OK Not To Use Every Photo You Take. No, Really’ Happens

Good vs. Evil.

Humans vs. Robots.

The followup to a huge cliffhanger about the nature of existence, the deep and tantalizing question of who we really are and what we want to become.

Two stars collide on your television tonight.

I’m talking about the Hornets breezing into Cleveland tonight, where the Cavs are 19-0 on the season, in a nationally televised game on ESPN, right?

Sigh.

Y’all. This is a very serious crisis. The final season premiere of Battlestar Galactica is tonight at 9 PM. But the Hornets play the Cavaliers at 7 PM.

Of course I’m going to DVR the show and watch the game. I was always going to record the show and watch the game. Even though I have been watching the show longer than I have been watching the NBA. You know I have loyalty to the Hornets… Except I just read today that a character who’s been on the show since the miniseries is going to die, and they might reveal the final Cylon. Guys, they finally found Earth in last year’s finale. Only it was a nuclear wasteland. And then that’s how it ended. Oh my gods. HOW CAN I NOT WATCH THIS SHOW?

I decided the reasonable thing is to look at what’s at stake tonight. The Battlestar Galactica premiere may answer some of our questions about the future! Or, it may raise more questions than it answers! We don’t know what’s going to happen. It may set the stage for the rest of the season, for all that comes after! It’s important.

But the same things can be said about Hornets/Cavs. Crap!

Sometimes I guess you have to make a choice about what is more important. But all I’m saying is, if they even closeup on LeBron clapping chalk, I’m gonna flip to SciFi. I’m JUST SAYING.

I think we all suspect, after Wednesday’s casually superhuman performance, who the final Cylon’s going to turn out to be anyway…

While making fun of the corporate-whorish NBA TV/Nike “24 Hours of LeBron” to celebrate LeBron James’ 24th birthday, TT6 jokingly stated that the next Hornet birthday, She’d top that. January 13th is James Posey’s birthday. And TT6 is a woman of her word. Check out the rest of the silliness here.

This is the transcript of a maybe real interview of James Posey by NBATV’s Rick Kamla, from last night, after the Knicks-Hornets game.

Rick: [In the studio] So I’m here with James Posey, one of the key 6th men in the NBA this year or any other.  How are you Pose?

Pose: [Headphones on somewhere in the Hive]  Cold.  [Shivers.]  I moved here for the warmth, man.  The warmth.  What, it’s like 42 degrees up in this, um, piece.

Rick: Posey, as many of you know was instrumental in the NBA Championship runs during 2 of the last 3 years, first with Miami and then with Beantown.  How do you do it, Mr. Posey?

Pose: I’m like the Robert Horry of the Eastern Conference.

Rick: Well, you’re in the Western Conference now.  Dominant still?

Pose: Of course, of course.

Rick: If you had signed with my T-Wolves this year instead of the Hornets, do you think my Wolves would be playing in June this year?

Pose: No doubt.  And McHale would be GM of the year.

Rick: Right.  Ha, great to hear, man.  I would’ve loved that.  But onto this year with the Hornets, you are looking great and have been hitting clutch shots and game-winners all year!

Pose: Was that a question?

Rick: Nope, just saying you’re the man.

Pose: That’s right.

Rick: But now onto last night.  In New Orleans, playing the lowly Knicks, and you were only 1-4 overall and 0-2 from deep.  What’s up with that?

Pose: I had five rebounds and a steal, man, you see that?

Rick: I did, but I also saw you getting run around by Wilson Chandler.  Do you feel like you’ve lost a step, or were you just maybe looking past this game and ahead to the upcoming road trip?

Pose: …..

Rick: Not trying to bust on you, just wondering how a good defensive team like the Hornets struggled against the Knicks?

Pose: [Pulls off headset and steps off camera.]

Rick: Um, are we having a technical problem here?  Is James still there?  [Holds hand to his earpiece.]  Well folks, we’re not sure what happened to — [eyes go wide in shock]  — what the?!?

Pose: [In the NBATV studio Posey commits a Flagrant 2 Foul on Rick Kamla, knocking him from his seat and onto the floor.]  How you like my defense now?  [The cameras switch and we can see Rick on his back, Posey standing over him.]

Rick: [In shock] How the hell did you get from New Orleans to Atlanta in just seconds?!

Pose: [Looking angry]  I can travel instantaneously through a little thing I call the Dark Dimension.  Did you say I lost a step?

Rick: [Still on his back]  No way.  Quick as ever.  Plus, you’re defintely the baddest player in the NBA, James Posey.

Pose:  Yeah.  You better remember that when you cover my Bees on this road trip.  [Fakes head bob toward Rick, who flinches.]  Or I’ll be back.

Rick: Definitely won’t forget.

Pose: [Steps into suddenly appearing Dark portal and enters another dimension.]

Rick: [Climbs back into his seat and adjusts his mic.  The camera returns to the normal studio angle.]  Well, there you have it.  James Posey.  Straight from the Dark Dimension.  One hell of a defender, who is not afraid to put his critics on their backs.  We’ll return after a short commercial break and some treatment on my back.

…if you haven’t seen it, you should. Technically, it has to do with our foes tonight, the Lakers.

It is all your holiday wishes come true. Believe me. They are wishes you didn’t know you had, but still.

I promise that now your life will be complete.

Merry Christmas and a Happy LakersGame Day!

The rhythm of Mo Pete, the dancing of TC and the lyrical stylings of Mr. Ryan Bowen

So we play the Kings tomorrow night in the Big Easy. Yet, one question that will not be answered by that game is which team has the superior dance squad. Sactown Royalty posts a Youtube Clip of the SKDT’s photo shoot for an upcoming calendar here. On the other hand, the Honeybees new website can be found here. I’ll let you make the call.

You can tell from the stands when teams are happy and everyone is on the same page. You can see it during every timeout huddle, you can see it with how they interact and support each other, and you can see it with the way they carry themselves. So last night at the Phoenix game I studied the Hornets like a marriage counselor. With a PhD. Here are some observations…

Pre-Game

The starters circle up. Chris Paul’s hand touches David West’s butt.

Posey stands by the scorers’ table offering some man loving to Peja and D-West, but they’re having none of it. He gets a taker in CP, and they have a prolonged hug. Oh, Posey. Why won’t you whisper in my ear?

At the end of the bench, Ryan Bowen tells Sean Marks a joke. Marks doesn’t get it.

1st Quarter

11:04 Morris Peterson and Julian Wright leap off the bench in happiness as Peja takes a shot. Interesting. I read on ESPN.com that the Hornets are not happy. Oh, Hornets, you’re so tricky. Fooling me with your fake camaraderie and joy.

8:16 Tyson Chandler dunks. Chris Paul hugs him around the waist. ‘Cause that’s just how tall he is.

5:45 Byron Scott smiles at assistant coach Kenny Gattison.

2:12 David West misses a shot. Chris Paul tells him all the missed long twos in the world can’t stop him from loving him.

2nd Quarter

11:23 David West returns from a bathroom break, towel on his head, to find that Melvin Ely has placed his nachos on D-West’s seat. In a touching moment, Ely, dressed in a plaid suit, offers to share.

9:33 Devin Brown falls under the basket. BUT! Hilton Armstrong helps him up.

8:00 The bench gets yanked for letting up an 8-0 run.

0:58 Rasual Butler smiles goofily.

3rd Quarter

10:49 Mike James is not a cancer on this team. I know this because he is sitting on the bench with his leg touching Mo Pete’s, and you know Mo would not let him do that if he thought he was contagious. He’s just misunderstood.

2:29 Julian Wright sings Hilton Armstrong a song he made up.

0:34 James Posey kicks up his feet, puts his head on Mo Pete’s shoulder, and they watch the Dance Cam together on the jumbotron.

4th Quarter

8:55 David West is sweating. Devin Brown offers to share his headband. It is the ultimate display of sacrifice and camaraderie. Because that is one bald man and that is a lot of sweat.

6:13 Peja and Posey are chatting just outside the huddle. Peja lays a hand on Posey’s chest. Clearly some deep expression of teammateship was just exchanged. I don’t know what it is because I sit in Row 26.

4:44 Hilton Armstrong hands Morris Peterson a cup of Gatorade. Sweetly.

2:18 JuJu tries to sing Chris Paul his song. CP stares past him with the eyes of a predator locked into its prey. That CP, he is just so mean and detached to everyone on court. Even his teammates, who only want to sing to him while CP is obsessing over silly things like closing out games.

1:06 Melvin Ely and Ryan Bowen surreptitiously clink plastic arena beer bottles together under their seats on the bench.

0:21 Byron Scott gives Chris Paul a celebratory butt slap as the Hornets roll 104-91.

This has been breaking news, brought to you by Hornets Hype. It’s breaking ’cause I WAS THERE. I saw it. That’s what makes news news, ya know. Stay tuned, people. To paraphrase a wise literary man, I’ll have grounds more relative than this.

The game’s the thing.