Hornets Hype

All work and no play makes a person, well, it depends on what your work is. Seriously, I was just updating links on the sidebar, making sure we have a handy way for our readers to access other teams’ blogs and news sources for when the season cranks up. And yes, as a result, the first post I’m putting up since Ticktock left for a week to NYC is about cheerleaders, but I swear it’s a coincidence. I just happened to stumble onto two news items, one timely, and the other just too good to put down.

As some of you may know, HoneyBee tryouts are in full swing. Finalist workshops are going to be held July 22-23, and the audition finals will be held Sunday, July 27th, at 2-5 P.M. at the House of Blues. These auditions are open to the public (the doors open at noon). Also, as recipients of BeeMail know, you can also enter a contest to get VIP seating for this event. So, as Hypers of everything Hornets, we of course hope plenty of you will turn out on Sunday!

But this, too, is a cautionary tale. Sure, being a cheerleader can be glamorous. You know, in the kind of sexist, no-of-course-we-don’t -have-male-cheerleaders-at-WNBA-games kind of way, in that special, the hell with it, we cater to what people want, and it’s physical excellence in either execution or appearance, acquiescence. So just as TT6 and others have their crushes on NBA players (read Tyson, CP), NBA teams exercise their marketing know-how that says, you know what, politics be damned, sex sells. So there it is. Cold realism. Now. That said, ladies, D-O N-O-T get swept up in your own success if you make the team. You are just as much a public face of the organization as the players.

Don’t believe me? Ask the Kings’ Royal Court dancers. It might start in the clubhouse. It might just be a drink or two. Maybe at some point you’re just too comfortable with the camera. Smile! Give me happy! Snap-click. Give me sexy! Snap-click. You’re signing autographs, you’re recognized. Before you know it, you’re completely comfortable with your fifteen minutes on the stage.

And then this happens.

People, listen. There is such a thing as the internet. Camera phones. Video phones. Wireless networking. I-N-S-T-A-N-T information. Nothing is private anymore. It’s either the golden age of information or the apocalypse of privacy, you make the call. But either way, if you are trying out for the HoneyBees, remember to watch yourself. People will exploit you and use your image for their own purposes. Overnight, images of you are around the world and your employer can judge you based on it. It kind of sucks. I’m not judging either, I’m just saying when you’re involved at that level, be you a player or cheerleader, you need to watch what you do and who might be recording it.

But if anyone is out with the HoneyBees-to-be at some random FQ party and you have salacious pics…um…let me know.

… I find it amusing that I’ve managed to be on both Hornets.com and True Hoop (somewhat trickier to spot) today without having spent more than five actual minutes on the computer since I got up.

Now that’s efficiency.

Now, if you wanted actual news about the Hornets’ free agency moves, I got nothing. In fact, I’m starting to get a little frustrated and thinking maybe they don’t really have something major in the works after all…

HornetsHype’s official stance is that we are not in panic mode yet.

P.S. Olympics special “Road to Redemption” on ESPN2 at 6 P.M. Central. I’m sure it’ll be replayed, but Chris Paul is on it at any rate.

So I’m doing some redesigning of the site, and I was going through my huge folder of Hornets pictures from this season. I came across this gem from the Celtics win (I think that was the best night of my life, by the way– shit, that whole stretch was amazing… they just couldn’t lose).

I love this photo of Tyson and Bonzi.

It’s cracking me up. What are they doing? Celebrating their mutant ninja takedown of Ray Allen? Preparing to kick ass and fight crime? Or maybe a fat dude just got naked in the second row off to the right and that is actually a look of horror?

This isn’t a bad look for JuJu, the Hornets’ most recent draftee. (I guess if they don’t draft this year, he’s kind of going to be the baby forever, right? Tough luck there. At least they’re done making him carry around the pink backpack.) Everything matches, I like the tie, and the pocket square is always a nice touch (although here it looks more like a pocket… chunk of fabric that’s stuffed in there). Good job, Mr. Wright. Nothing embarrassing here. You have escaped unscathed.

Down below, however. Oh hey, Bonzi, is that you under the shadow of that hat and that ginormous suit? I think it’s really more of a trench coat. It’s the spy look. He doesn’t want to be seen. I think that jacket is as tall as David Stern.

And below Bonzi? I know he’s not a Hornet anymore, but…

I could not resist the pull of Bobby Jackson’s BLUE draft day suit. I had to give an honorary shout-out to it. Just look at it. You can’t drag your eyes away from it, can you? It’s electric!

Because someone’s gotta do it, I dug through the internet in an attempt to find humiliating draft night photos of current Hornets players. Now, I’ve got a little bit of a hole in the starting lineup because Mo Pete and David West are MIA (I’m guessing you get less photo ops if you’re not in the top 15 or so of the first round), but for our purposes we can assume that David West wore black and looked exactly like he always looks. Moving on…

Today we’re going to start with TC. Give me a moment to say, “Eeeee!” ‘Cause Baby Tyson is super cute. What’s he saying on the phone? “Guys, listen, I was drafted #2 by the Clippers and then they traded me five minutes later to the Bulls! I know, right? Five years in the future I will be traded to New Orleans and appear at that press conference in a suit that’s far more attractive and better fitting than this one. Today it’s aaaalll cooolll…”

Next up, our Fearless Leader, the Savior of All Basketball, Favorite Son of the City of New Orleans, the MVP, etc., etc. With bonus hilarious appearance from the Serbian Sharpshooter. To answer the question of “Could Chris Paul be any more babyfaced?”, here’s CP3 on draft night, wearing a Wake Forest-themed outfit. I get the tie, but the jacket’s a little scary. I’m not sure you can wear 2 different colored stripes in the same outfit, plus where are you inside that jacket? (The answer to the previous question, by the way, is yes, but only a little bit.) CP3 looks a little sharper these days.

And oh boy, where do I start with Peja? The scarecrow hair! The lack of 5:00 shadow! The suit that might be made of suede! I love it.

Via Dime, I present for your entertainment the NBA Finals Celtics-Lakers Wife Showdown. I about spit out my ravioli thanks to commenter #4, who says, “Once again Kobe’s teammates don’t provide him with too much help.” Haha. The Celtics are currently winning the poll.

All I can say is, damn, ladies. I’ve dated guys who were 6′5″ and 6′6″ and it was a major pain in my ass. You have to wear heels all the time just so more than your head is in pictures. Seriously. And I’m not even that short. (Actually, come to think of it, how tall are Luke Walton’s and P2’s girls? They’re the only two who come close.)

The NBA… where goofy looking men with hot wives/girlfriends happen.

Ticktock6: (watching Game 3 press conference) I think, of any player in the NBA, Ray Allen might be the most likely to have many leatherbound books. And his apartment smelling of rich mahogany.

mW: I’m sure he’s a genius.

Ticktock6: No, but I think he seems like one of the smarter ones.

mW: Yeah, like if you put him in front of a keyboard and he typed for 100 years he would maybe type Hamlet.

Ticktock6: Whatever, if Kobe Bryant typed for that long, he’d type, like, “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

mW: (laughter)

Ticktock6: Yeah, so WHAT-EVER.

P.S. You may wonder why I’m still updating this blog, albeit with random, random shit, now that the Hornets are done. Rest assured, it’s not that I don’t have a life… it’s that I don’t have a job. So like, imagine the 40+ hours a week you are at work, then subtract 10-15 for the hours I’m supposedly working on writing a novel (entirely unrelated to the Hornets but true), and… you know, that’s still several hours to be B.S.ing on the internet. And I’ve got 2 blogs, Facebook, and Twitter. I’m a terrifyingly useless human being. You have no idea. Anyhow, signing off to go pay the Hornets the $600 we owe them for the playoffs…. yes, really. (Actually I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it would be more.)

… to the Heads on Sticks craze, I give you: Robert Horry On a Stick.

For a bit of mindless fun, check out the T.P.’s silly Hornets flash game.

Quick Gameplay Summary: You’re a Fleur de Bee. You get to shoot at little falling Spurs, Mavs logos that shoot red lasers at you, and yellow Kobes! If watching Kobe Bryant accept the his Lifetime Achievement MVP award last night was enough to make you want to blow junks, get even by blowing him into chunks! (Well, a little orange scribble anyway… haha.)

Seeing as I started an ENTIRE BLOG devoted to the idea of “You need more Hornets in your life,” my biased self would like to state that HornetsHype wholly supports TrueHoop’s support of the New Orleans Hornets. Me supporting their support… it’s like a little circle of teal. It just warms my heart.

Speaking of TrueHoop, there was an amusing tidbit posted yesterday about how to make your own Manu Ginobili votive candle (skull head, #20 jersey, and all). So yours truly commented thusly: “That’s all right. New Orleans fans’ backyard voodoo altar > San Antonio votives. We put da gris gris on them, bebe.”

Someone in the comment thread asked what that meant, and I represented for New Orleans thusly:

“Gris gris… It’s like… if you took some grave dirt, and some of Manu Ginobili’s hair, and snuck behind the bench and cut off a corner of Tony Parker’s jersey… and put it all in a little bag, and voila!”

So there. You cannot say my mission is not to educate.

Welcome, friendly bandwagoners of America! Talk to me when you’re wearing as much teal as I am (see photo)… I keep saying the HypeMeter is at an all time high, and then it just gets a little higher! Now where to find some grave dirt…

EDITED: I lied, though. This is the best Hornet wackiness the internet has to offer today. Just watch the whole thing and you’ll see. Watch till right after Tony Parker’s interview.