Hornets Hype

Because someone’s gotta do it, I dug through the internet in an attempt to find humiliating draft night photos of current Hornets players. Now, I’ve got a little bit of a hole in the starting lineup because Mo Pete and David West are MIA (I’m guessing you get less photo ops if you’re not in the top 15 or so of the first round), but for our purposes we can assume that David West wore black and looked exactly like he always looks. Moving on…

Today we’re going to start with TC. Give me a moment to say, “Eeeee!” ‘Cause Baby Tyson is super cute. What’s he saying on the phone? “Guys, listen, I was drafted #2 by the Clippers and then they traded me five minutes later to the Bulls! I know, right? Five years in the future I will be traded to New Orleans and appear at that press conference in a suit that’s far more attractive and better fitting than this one. Today it’s aaaalll cooolll…”

Next up, our Fearless Leader, the Savior of All Basketball, Favorite Son of the City of New Orleans, the MVP, etc., etc. With bonus hilarious appearance from the Serbian Sharpshooter. To answer the question of “Could Chris Paul be any more babyfaced?”, here’s CP3 on draft night, wearing a Wake Forest-themed outfit. I get the tie, but the jacket’s a little scary. I’m not sure you can wear 2 different colored stripes in the same outfit, plus where are you inside that jacket? (The answer to the previous question, by the way, is yes, but only a little bit.) CP3 looks a little sharper these days.

And oh boy, where do I start with Peja? The scarecrow hair! The lack of 5:00 shadow! The suit that might be made of suede! I love it.

Via Dime, I present for your entertainment the NBA Finals Celtics-Lakers Wife Showdown. I about spit out my ravioli thanks to commenter #4, who says, “Once again Kobe’s teammates don’t provide him with too much help.” Haha. The Celtics are currently winning the poll.

All I can say is, damn, ladies. I’ve dated guys who were 6′5″ and 6′6″ and it was a major pain in my ass. You have to wear heels all the time just so more than your head is in pictures. Seriously. And I’m not even that short. (Actually, come to think of it, how tall are Luke Walton’s and P2’s girls? They’re the only two who come close.)

The NBA… where goofy looking men with hot wives/girlfriends happen.

Ticktock6: (watching Game 3 press conference) I think, of any player in the NBA, Ray Allen might be the most likely to have many leatherbound books. And his apartment smelling of rich mahogany.

mW: I’m sure he’s a genius.

Ticktock6: No, but I think he seems like one of the smarter ones.

mW: Yeah, like if you put him in front of a keyboard and he typed for 100 years he would maybe type Hamlet.

Ticktock6: Whatever, if Kobe Bryant typed for that long, he’d type, like, “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

mW: (laughter)

Ticktock6: Yeah, so WHAT-EVER.

P.S. You may wonder why I’m still updating this blog, albeit with random, random shit, now that the Hornets are done. Rest assured, it’s not that I don’t have a life… it’s that I don’t have a job. So like, imagine the 40+ hours a week you are at work, then subtract 10-15 for the hours I’m supposedly working on writing a novel (entirely unrelated to the Hornets but true), and… you know, that’s still several hours to be B.S.ing on the internet. And I’ve got 2 blogs, Facebook, and Twitter. I’m a terrifyingly useless human being. You have no idea. Anyhow, signing off to go pay the Hornets the $600 we owe them for the playoffs…. yes, really. (Actually I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it would be more.)

… to the Heads on Sticks craze, I give you: Robert Horry On a Stick.

For a bit of mindless fun, check out the T.P.’s silly Hornets flash game.

Quick Gameplay Summary: You’re a Fleur de Bee. You get to shoot at little falling Spurs, Mavs logos that shoot red lasers at you, and yellow Kobes! If watching Kobe Bryant accept the his Lifetime Achievement MVP award last night was enough to make you want to blow junks, get even by blowing him into chunks! (Well, a little orange scribble anyway… haha.)

Seeing as I started an ENTIRE BLOG devoted to the idea of “You need more Hornets in your life,” my biased self would like to state that HornetsHype wholly supports TrueHoop’s support of the New Orleans Hornets. Me supporting their support… it’s like a little circle of teal. It just warms my heart.

Speaking of TrueHoop, there was an amusing tidbit posted yesterday about how to make your own Manu Ginobili votive candle (skull head, #20 jersey, and all). So yours truly commented thusly: “That’s all right. New Orleans fans’ backyard voodoo altar > San Antonio votives. We put da gris gris on them, bebe.”

Someone in the comment thread asked what that meant, and I represented for New Orleans thusly:

“Gris gris… It’s like… if you took some grave dirt, and some of Manu Ginobili’s hair, and snuck behind the bench and cut off a corner of Tony Parker’s jersey… and put it all in a little bag, and voila!”

So there. You cannot say my mission is not to educate.

Welcome, friendly bandwagoners of America! Talk to me when you’re wearing as much teal as I am (see photo)… I keep saying the HypeMeter is at an all time high, and then it just gets a little higher! Now where to find some grave dirt…

EDITED: I lied, though. This is the best Hornet wackiness the internet has to offer today. Just watch the whole thing and you’ll see. Watch till right after Tony Parker’s interview.

Because someone mentioned it last week… the New Orleans Globetrotters! I was at this game. There was a long timeout due to the net being ripped during a stunt, but instead of everyone having a fit over it a la The Ring of Fire, the players started clowning around. I wish they’d gotten JuJu going crazy to “Jump On It” and Josh Childress trying to lick Tyson Chandler, but alas, those gems seem to have gone untelevised.

Okay. So there was a basketball game last night. Apparently the whole point of it was to determine that the Hornets will not win the series in 4 games, but either 5, 6, or 7. As we at Hornets Hype don’t feel that determination is all that important, we choose not to comment on this game, but check out the recaps at At The Hive or Hornets247 for that.

Rather, we decided to give you all a tangently-related sneak peak into the upcoming summer blockbuster, co-starring the Mavs’ own Josh Howard: Harold, Kumar, and Josh Howard Go to Popeye’s. Read on.

Harold: Josh, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?

Josh Howard: Dude, I don’t even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible chronic – next thing I know I’m being thrown out of a moving car. I’ve been trippin’ balls ever since.

Kumar: That’s crazy, dude. We’ve been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We’ve just been driving around looking for Popeye’s but we keep getting sidetracked.

Josh Howard: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget Popeye’s, let’s go get some reefer!

Harold: Huh?

Josh Howard: It’s a Bees Nest in here, bros. I keep seeing them everywhere.

[Harold and Kumar exchange looks]

Josh Howard: Let’s get some pot, now, and THEN go to Popeye’s. It’s not something I’m needing. But it’s the offseason. So I gotta get it NOW.

Kumar: No, Josh, you don’t understand. We’ve been craving spicy chicken all night.

Josh Howard: Yeah, I’ve been craving spicy chicken, too. If by spicy chicken you mean Ganja. Come on, dudes, it’s not like I have to have it. But it’s the offseason. At least that line works on Stern and Cuban.

Josh Howard: [singing] I love my Mary Jane!

Kumar: [pause] There’s a gas station. I’m gonna see if I can get some directions.

Josh Howard: You don’t need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I’m losing my high.

[they park, pause]

Josh Howard: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry…

Kumar: Look, chill.

Harold: We’ll be right back, Josh.

[they exit the car]

Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Josh Howard? Why is he so eager to smoke?

Kumar: Dude, look who’s talking. [Stops] Whoa. I just got the weirdest sense of deja vu.

Harold: Maybe it’s because his team got crushed by New Orleans in the playoffs last year.

Kumar: Haven’t we done this all before?

Harold: I guess that kind of a beating would make me want to get high too.

Josh Howard: [leaning out of the passenger side car window] It’s the OFFSEASON guys!

Instant Hollywood gold. No word yet if Mark Cuban’s movie production company was involved or if Josh is planning on doing any further acting. Don’t look back for updates on the movie. But do watch the game on Sunday. It’s still the season.

So just to be funny one night when we might have been drinking (OK, that’s a huge lie– we were wasted), we stuck the Hornets winter hat over the top of the Tyson Chandler bobblehead like a cape and declared him Obi-Ty Kenobi. Then I woke up the next morning and it was still there, so I took a picture of it. And when I started this blog in January in a fit of jealous rage, due to the lack of local/national notice of the Hornets’ rise to prominence, I stuck Obi-Ty Kenobi at the top of the sidebar with the quote, “I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

Because if you are not cracking Star Wars quotes while posing your Hornets bobblehead dolls for your blog, clearly you do not understand how to truly maximize the time-wasting potential of the internet.

Anyhow, it’s April 10th. The Hornets still hold the top seed in the West with four games left to play. The Chris Paul MVP hype machine is rolling, after a slow start. Last night the Hornets hit 55 wins to officially become the best Hornets team in the 21-year history of the franchise.

And I wanted to give a shout-out to Obi-Ty Kenobi, because I’m taking him down. It’s been fun, Ty, but you’re being replaced by a new bobblehead tableau. As you can see now to the right, we have the Hornets Empire.

Fear it.

(Oh, you thought I was kidding when I said I was going to pose those bobbleheads in fun ways. That’s funny. Also of mild hilarity are the three Photo Booth shots that my cat jumped into before I managed to get that one, which I am not posting. Don’t worry.)