Hornets Hype

Because someone mentioned it last week… the New Orleans Globetrotters! I was at this game. There was a long timeout due to the net being ripped during a stunt, but instead of everyone having a fit over it a la The Ring of Fire, the players started clowning around. I wish they’d gotten JuJu going crazy to “Jump On It” and Josh Childress trying to lick Tyson Chandler, but alas, those gems seem to have gone untelevised.

Okay. So there was a basketball game last night. Apparently the whole point of it was to determine that the Hornets will not win the series in 4 games, but either 5, 6, or 7. As we at Hornets Hype don’t feel that determination is all that important, we choose not to comment on this game, but check out the recaps at At The Hive or Hornets247 for that.

Rather, we decided to give you all a tangently-related sneak peak into the upcoming summer blockbuster, co-starring the Mavs’ own Josh Howard: Harold, Kumar, and Josh Howard Go to Popeye’s. Read on.

Harold: Josh, you wouldn’t happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?

Josh Howard: Dude, I don’t even know where the fuck I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible chronic – next thing I know I’m being thrown out of a moving car. I’ve been trippin’ balls ever since.

Kumar: That’s crazy, dude. We’ve been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We’ve just been driving around looking for Popeye’s but we keep getting sidetracked.

Josh Howard: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget Popeye’s, let’s go get some reefer!

Harold: Huh?

Josh Howard: It’s a Bees Nest in here, bros. I keep seeing them everywhere.

[Harold and Kumar exchange looks]

Josh Howard: Let’s get some pot, now, and THEN go to Popeye’s. It’s not something I’m needing. But it’s the offseason. So I gotta get it NOW.

Kumar: No, Josh, you don’t understand. We’ve been craving spicy chicken all night.

Josh Howard: Yeah, I’ve been craving spicy chicken, too. If by spicy chicken you mean Ganja. Come on, dudes, it’s not like I have to have it. But it’s the offseason. At least that line works on Stern and Cuban.

Josh Howard: [singing] I love my Mary Jane!

Kumar: [pause] There’s a gas station. I’m gonna see if I can get some directions.

Josh Howard: You don’t need dir- gah! Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I’m losing my high.

[they park, pause]

Josh Howard: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry…

Kumar: Look, chill.

Harold: We’ll be right back, Josh.

[they exit the car]

Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Josh Howard? Why is he so eager to smoke?

Kumar: Dude, look who’s talking. [Stops] Whoa. I just got the weirdest sense of deja vu.

Harold: Maybe it’s because his team got crushed by New Orleans in the playoffs last year.

Kumar: Haven’t we done this all before?

Harold: I guess that kind of a beating would make me want to get high too.

Josh Howard: [leaning out of the passenger side car window] It’s the OFFSEASON guys!

Instant Hollywood gold. No word yet if Mark Cuban’s movie production company was involved or if Josh is planning on doing any further acting. Don’t look back for updates on the movie. But do watch the game on Sunday. It’s still the season.

So just to be funny one night when we might have been drinking (OK, that’s a huge lie– we were wasted), we stuck the Hornets winter hat over the top of the Tyson Chandler bobblehead like a cape and declared him Obi-Ty Kenobi. Then I woke up the next morning and it was still there, so I took a picture of it. And when I started this blog in January in a fit of jealous rage, due to the lack of local/national notice of the Hornets’ rise to prominence, I stuck Obi-Ty Kenobi at the top of the sidebar with the quote, “I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

Because if you are not cracking Star Wars quotes while posing your Hornets bobblehead dolls for your blog, clearly you do not understand how to truly maximize the time-wasting potential of the internet.

Anyhow, it’s April 10th. The Hornets still hold the top seed in the West with four games left to play. The Chris Paul MVP hype machine is rolling, after a slow start. Last night the Hornets hit 55 wins to officially become the best Hornets team in the 21-year history of the franchise.

And I wanted to give a shout-out to Obi-Ty Kenobi, because I’m taking him down. It’s been fun, Ty, but you’re being replaced by a new bobblehead tableau. As you can see now to the right, we have the Hornets Empire.

Fear it.

(Oh, you thought I was kidding when I said I was going to pose those bobbleheads in fun ways. That’s funny. Also of mild hilarity are the three Photo Booth shots that my cat jumped into before I managed to get that one, which I am not posting. Don’t worry.)

Tyson is a man who has destroyed lesser competition this year and tonight was no different. Miami’s frontcourt, apparently made up of actual NBA players, had no answer for the Bees’ big man. He ended up with 20 points on 10/10 shooting, with 10 rebounds thrown in for giggles. The only disappointing thing is that he had I think 14 at halftime and didn’t even take a shot in the third. Oh well. Much love TC.

….

ticktock6: Is Bonzi chewing gum?

mW: Lots of players chew gum.

ticktock6: You think he was blowing bubbles on the floor when they were playing the Celtics? I’m just saying.

mW: I’m not going to answer that question.

34-19 in the 2nd.

….

Oh god. Gil and Bob discussing buying teal seersucker suits for the playoffs. And I think they’re serious.

The Heat closed for a short time but then the Hornets started playing again.

91-70 in the 4th.

….

LOL at Tyson swinging a towel in circles on the bench and hitting himself in the eye with it. They are gonna show that clip all night. When CST latches onto something, they do not let it go. That shit was made for YouTube.

Plus we actually missed the last minute of play or so because CST thought Chris Paul tossing autographed sneakers into the crowd and other bench hijink was more interesting than the game . . . ummm . . . (sudden silence)

106-77 Final.

….

ESPN, apropos of nothing, during Mavs/Warriors game just now:

“How about the New Orleans Hornets? Wow… blah blah… 52-22… can’t see them finishing out of the Top 2… just a great team… 30 games over .500… great record against the Western Conference too… oh, and Dirk just scored.”

YES, HOW ABOUT THE NEW ORLEANS HORNETS!!!

I have seen enough to know that my job here is done.

Quote of the Night:

[while watching NBATV cover every game in progress between every scrub team in the NBA]

“Where is our game? I don’t get it. We know they love to suck LeBron’s dick… Maybe they’re embarrassed because he prematurely ejaculated tonight.”

- mW, referring to LeBron inexplicably driving to the basket and leaving 7 entire seconds for the Hornets to get the ball and win the game

Sometimes I sit at night and wonder what would make the Hornets a better team in the Western Conference.

And then it came to me in a flash of inspiration.

So, Tyson Chandler, Chris Paul, and an elephant walk into a bar…

Just kidding. It’s Tyson Chandler, CP3, and an elephant. It’s already funny just on principle.

Hey guys, is that an elephant in the room? Oh OK, it’s just the Lakers game tonight. NO BIG DEAL or anything.

Go Hornets! The BUZZ is in full force!