Hornets Hype

There are two reasons I’m excited about Summer League. The first is it doesn’t involve things not restricted to but including anonymous sources, league sources, World Wide Wes, trade rumors, free agency, Chris Paul hating New Orleans, or LeBron. What a dull week. Seriously. You’re fooling yourselves if you think greatness is made in business transactions. Greatness is made on the court. Which brings us to the second reason: Marcus Buckets Thornton and Darren Collison! Do you realize most of the other top rookies (Tyreke Evans, Stephen Curry) from last year aren’t playing? Therefore we can expect Lil Buckets, Lil Dimes & Co. to put a world of beatdown and beastliness on all the other teams in Vegas.

This year, probably thanks to having two of the top 5 rookies in the league, the Hornets are going to be televised on NBA TV for four out of their five Vegas games. This is, apparently, some sort of record for us and also means I’ll be able to watch on a screen big enough to actually see the numbers on the uniforms, rather than in an itty bitty low-res window on my computer. Yay?

The Hornets summer league roster is generally underwhelming besides Our Favorite Rookie Heroes, but you should note that Craig Brackins and Quincy Pondexter are going to be added to the roster July 8th. I’m sure they’re already there with the rest of the team, or headed there, but the team isn’t allowed to officially talk about it because trades and signings don’t become official till then. Here’s a mini-preview of who the Baby Buzz will be up against. I broke it down into 3 categories: Actual People You’ve Heard Of, Draft Picks, and Former Rookies Who Are Too Cool For School Unlike Our Rookies Who Will Feast Upon Your Team’s Flesh in Your Absence Ha Ha Suckersss.

HORNETS 2009 NBA SUMMER LEAGUE SCHEDULE
Friday, July 9, vs. Golden State, 7 p.m. (9 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Reggie Williams (that kid from the D-League who destroyed us in one of the most infuriatingly stupid Don Nelson-esque comebacks of all time last season), Anthony Randolph, Brandan Wright. Draft Pick: Ekpe Udoh. Not On the Roster: Stephen Curry.

Sunday, July 11, vs. Miami, 7 p.m. (9 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Jon Scheyer (that kid from Duke who makes really douchey faces), Michael Beasley (I’ve seen like 2 sites saying he’s on the roster and 2 saying he’s not, so I have no idea). Draft Pick: Dexter Pittman, Jarvis Varnado, Da’Sean Butler (all 2nd round). Not On the Roster: Mario Chalmers. Fun fact: Chalmers and Beasley are actually the ONLY two players currently on the Heat roster. I am not making this up. Have fun with that, guys.

Tuesday, July 13, vs. Portland, 7 p.m. (9 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Dante Cunningham, Jeff Pendergraph. Draft Pick: Luke Babbit, Armon Johnson. Not on the Roster: Monty Williams will not be coaching. ‘Cause he don’t work there no more.

Friday, July 16, vs. Washington, 5 p.m. (7 p.m. Central), NBA TV

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Sun Yue, JaVale McGee, Jon Scheyer (shut up, no he’s not, he’s playing for Miami. Update your shit, Wizards internet. Haha). Draft Pick: John Wall. El Numero Uno gets a nice challenge here going up against DC. Not on the Roster: I don’t even know who’s on the Wizards anymore.

Saturday, July 17, vs. Toronto, 3:30 p.m. (5:30 p.m. Central)

Actual People You’ve Heard Of: Bobby Brown (BOBBY!!!), Sonny Weems, DeMar DeRozan, Joey Dorsey. Draft Pick: Ed Davis, Solomon Alabi. Not on the Roster: I think all the Raptors young players are here. Lots of vets could equal a challenge for our squad. This game is the only one not on NBA TV, but never fear, I shall post the address of the illegal feed when I find it.

Let the countdown begin!

One of the reasons we started this blog was to launch an all-out assault on ignorant and ill-informed media. One of the historically problematic culprits: our local paper, the Times Picayune.  (Though, admittedly, they have improved much over the years.)  In particular, one of those esteemed beat  writers is always on our Shit List: John DeShazier. If anyone ever mastered the “Our team played great but sucked doing it and I’ll tell you how and why they suck,” J.D. has.   His article in today’s paper?   TT6 and can’t find it online.   As far as I’m concerned, they pulled it, knowing the Hype would rip it apart.  Score one for the Bush Doctrine and us.  Too bad for the Times Pic, I’m going to talk about it anyway.

The article focuses on new owner Gary Chouest embarking on his interview road trip with team president, Hugh Weber, and general manager, Jeff Bower, looking for a new Hornets head coach; and assumes Chouest is monitoring and assessing Weber and Bower at the same time. Of course, Johnny cites no sources, no authorities for this information, and his story is 100% speculation.   Okay.  Fine.  He’s an “editorial” writer.  Fair enough. But I know what you’re saying, how can I verify what he said if it’s not online?   Well, here it is, in black and white.  Look to the right.  I’m just going to focus on his most absurd points.   For example, DeShazier argues that Bower has more non-playoff appearances since becoming GM in 2005 than playoff appearances (3-2).  Neglecting to mention that Bower took over after the team was thrust into the much tougher Western Conference and blown up; also not mentioning that he built a winner from nothing.  DeShazier also points out that Bower’s teams have declined in victory totals the last three years.  Neglecting to mention that the place from which the Hornets were descending was the best Hornets regular season record ever.  Or that two of those three years were the team’s best, by far, since moving to the Western Conference.  Okay, but this is all really small fries, nit-picking a fellow journalist, who, as you all know, is already on our bad side.  But then he makes the mistake which no doubt got his article pulled from Nola.com.  Some of you may have already skimmed ahead and ruined the surprise.

DeShazier writes: “and just two draft picks – Chris Paul in 2005 and Darren Collison in 2009 – can be considered successes.”  Well, certainly they were successes.  But, I don’t know, maybe there was a guy drafted last year by Bower called MARCUS THORNTON.  Listen folks, Thornton broke the Hornets rookie records for most points in a game, most points off the bench in a game, most 3s in a season, most combined rookie points in a season (with Collison), and most points in a single quarter.  Oh yeah, he also holds the non-rookie Hornets’ records for most points off the bench and most points in a quarter.   He also made the Second All-NBA Rookie team, and by most accounts, was the best 2-guard out of this year’s rookies.  So if you’re John DeShazier, wake up this morning and give yourself a nice hard facepalm.  Because you deserve it.

As to Marcus Thornton, on behalf of New Orleans, we apologize for all the haters and idiots.  We’ll be back next year, cheering you, hyping you, and watching you help this team back to the Playoffs.

It makes me LOL every time I look at it. Every once in a while someone will do something, and I will think, “I totally wish I’d thought of that first.” At the Hive’s “visual recap” of last night’s Hornets/Celtics game is that thing. It is also probably the funniest thing I’ll see all month. Which is sad. Because it went up November 1.

Oh, November, I’m sorry… you’ve got nothing left to live for.

Speaking of our man Bobby Brown, I am now going to engage in a feat of AMAZING STATISTICAL ANALYSIS.

Game 1 @ Spurs: Bobby Brown takes 12 shots. Hornets lose.

Game 2 vs. Kings: Bobby Brown takes 4 shots. Hornets win.

Game 3 @ Celtics: Bobby Brown takes 12 shots. Hornets lose.

Are you starting to see what I’m seeing? What? The two losses were on the road against contenders? What’s that you say? The sample size is too small? There are other things wrong with the Hornets’ starting lineup that don’t even have to do with Bobby Brown?

I will have none of this. You know I’m right. Now, don’t question me or I shall call you a Dusche Bagel.