Devin Brown scores a career high 30 points in the Hornets win at Utah in a wild & desperate bid to make me take him seriously
Where do we go from here, Devin? Where do we go from here?
Let me lay this out there. I get a lot of enjoyment out of my neverending mockery of you. A lot. I know it’s sort of irrational, in a “what did this guy ever do to you?” type of way. And I know that I am all about loving my team, and indeed you are, in fact, on my team. That is a conundrum. But hating you gives me pure amusement, and I think that is rare enough in life that you can understand why I am loath to let something as insignificant as your newly rediscovered ability to play basketball take all the fun away from me. Your name is like a swear word to me, always uttered in its entirety. You are neither “Devin” nor “Brown” to me, but instead some special amalgamation: “wtfdevinbrown.”
Why you, Devin Brown? It’s hard to say. I suspect it probably started when you shot 15% from three last November. I also suspect you are something of a scapegoat. “How come the Hornets sucked so badly last night?” “Because Devin Brown turned the ball over three times.” “Why is it raining and forty degrees outside?” “Probably because Devin Brown is somewhere in the city, lurking.” “Why did the toaster catch on fire and fill the apartment with smoke?” “I blame Devin Brown.” Etc. Oh yeah, and your stupid shoes with the velcro strap that you always leave flapping like a 6th grader who thinks he looks cool? … They suck too. And you look like a ninja turtle (if only DB and Bonzi Wells had been on the team at the same time. The photoshoppings could have been mind-blowing, I tell you. Mind-blowing.)
But there are also real things. Devin Brown is one of those infuriating players who has a great game every … well, honestly, it used to be every 8th or 10th game, but this season it’s been more like every 4th or 5th. And while, sure, I was glad superficially when he contributed something, because, hey, I think the Hornets have enough players dragging down their roster who contribute practically nothing, I also experienced a sinking feeling whenever Devin Brown had a good game. Because I knew deep down inside that it was just justification for Byron Scott to hand Devin Brown more minutes. Minutes that, last year, I thought would be better off given to Mo Pete (one of my favorites) or Julian Wright (youth) and, this year, Marcus Thornton (LIL BUCKETS!!!)
Devin Brown is also infuriating in that, if I compliment him, before I am finished typing the comment (“You know, Devin Brown is act– WHAT. THE. FUCK.”) or have closed my mouth, he has flailed up into the air and thrown the ball away out of bounds or taken a long two after having at least 4 seconds with no defender remotely in the same zip code to stare at his feet. Or charged someone. Or… failed in some other egregious way. (Devin Brown does have a knack for failing quite spectacularly, I have to give him that. You won’t not notice a Devin Brown turnover. Oh no.) On the flip side, if I rag on Devin mercilessly, he usually hits his threes. And the more I hate on him, the better he plays and the more I am incensed.
An actual tweet about Devin Brown.
So, I ask you, what is my motivation for ceasing my sheer irrational hatred of Devin Brown? There is none. The more I hate, the better he is. Do you really want me to stop now? Of course you don’t. And so, in answer to the several people who commented or @ replied me on Twitter and asked if I was going to stop hating on Devin Brown, hell no! It’s like a way of life, okay? You can’t just change it, just like that. Look, I have made hating on Devin Brown into a pastime, nay, an art form. You can’t ask me to give that up because– yeah, yeah, yeah, you scored 30 points. The Hornets won in Utah. The team is .500 for the first time all year. I saw you, Devin.
Just keeeeeeep walking, Leonardo………. Oh, and well played.