Hornets Hype

Dear Sean Marks and Devin Brown,

OK. You got my attention.

Devin Brown. You, who some nights resemble nothing so much as the barreling and flailing personification of an offensive foul waiting to happen. You, who stole my beloved Mo Pete’s minutes in December. You, of the .150 three point shooting percentage. (I wonder how many nights like the Dallas game and last night you have to have to mathematically overcome 15% shooting? Even today it’s still sitting at .224.) I admit it: I laughed my ass off when mW turned to me in the third quarter and said, deadpan, “The alien who replaced Devin Brown is good.” All right? I admit it. While I’m in a confessional mood, I guess I should also admit that I yelled, “No!!” out loud when you took your third three… it went in. Just like the other two. Devin Brown hitting 6 of 7 shots, 3 for 3 from downtown?

I guess that makes me wrong. Well, it makes me wrong last night.

Where do we go from here, Devin Brown? That’s what I want to know.

I dunno. That was some pretty good shooting, I type as I grit my teeth. It really was. Maybe you should think about settling down, getting an apartment, and ending your capricious vagabond ways. Or, you know, don’t. Live in a hotel the rest of the year for all I care. I’ve given up trying to predict what you’ll do.

Sean Marks, Sean Marks.

I will be the first to say that I didn’t get what Byron Scott saw in you. Like, you are a backup backup big man off the bench. Period. We don’t have a lot of them. How come you shot so many long jumpers? Just ’cause you hit a three in your first floor time with the Hornets doesn’t mean we should make a habit of these things, right? Really all you have to do to help the team is be 6-10 and stand in the right spot. And oh lord, for the past month or so, the Sean Marks Experiment has not looked like it was working out.

And then at Minnesota you hit like every shot you took. Okay. I was wary. I defended you when the crowd unfairly booed you last week, but I was wary just the same. And then there was last night.

Sean Marks getting nasty athletic Block of the Night blocks, followed by a swaggering staredown? Well, all right then. It was like someone whispered in his ear that he didn’t have to turn himself into David West. He didn’t have to take every open 17-foot jump shot that came along. (I wept tears of joy last night when, just beyond the paint, Marks found himself with a long rebound. He held tight to it, froze… I held my breath and got ready to cringe… and then pivoted and whipped a pass to Peja in the corner, who promptly sank one.) Mr. Marks, you had a great night under the basket. It was probably your best game as a Hornet.

Whatever, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Marks. I’m onto you now.

Aw, you know I’m kidding, right? You know I love my team.

P.S. I have some messages to pass on to the rest of the dudes, if that’s OK. Tell Chris no one blames him for not being superhuman every night. Tell Hilton we’re proud of him. Tell AD he’s the best cheerleader we’ve ever seen and we’re 100% happy to have him with us. Tell Peja thanks for being rock solid in these dark times, and Mo that we hope his foot gets better soon. Oh, and tell Pose that if you’re cracking up while running up the court after missing your fifth three pointer of the game, taking that sixth one is probably not such a hot idea.

Well, the Hornets got Hilton Armstrong and his gimpy knee back on Monday, and it looks like David West could return Friday, so this excruciating stretch of No Big Men Whatsoever may be drawing to a close. It could have been a huge disaster. Yet the Hornets managed to go 3-1 with David West, Tyson Chandler, and (mostly) Hilton Armstrong out, and even the loss was against a team on a hot streak with a dominant big man (Minnesota) and was tied right up until the end.

In the last week and a half, we’ve gotten to see a little bit of what our Hornets are made of. And when the answer to that question is “Grit, heart, and hustle,” then maybe a dash of adversity is not a bad thing.

But there were two players who really stepped it up, making the Hornets a two-headed dragon: Chris Paul and Peja Stojakovic. But especially Peja, because let’s be honest. CP is always going to be CP– he was just CP to a mildly more intense degree this week. Check out their stats over the last four games:

Chris Paul

26.5 points per game (Season Avg: 21.3)

11 assists (11)

6.75 rebounds (5.5)

3 steals (2.7)

Peja Stojakovic

22.3 points (Season Avg: 13.7)

5 rebounds (3.9)

.500 from three (.415)

Bottom line: Peja played like a veteran leader and Chris Paul played like a star. (Bonus leader points to Pose, who apparently gives one hell of a locker room speech. Bonus hustle points to Ryan Bowen and JuJu, for making the most of the minutes they’ve been waiting for.) All right, two-headed dragon– now go forth and beastify thyself against the Denver Nuggets.

And you know, I was gonna check the box to categorize this post “CP3 Will Eat Your Soul,” like I always do, but something stopped me at the last second.

F that. CP3 for MVP.

So I know Chris Paul had a triple double and 7 steals, but that totally happened last week too, so I hope you don’t mind if I skip it.

The Hornets had a 69-63 lead after the third quarter. Then, to open the fourth, Peja hit a three. Yes, yes, whatever. Then he came down and hit another one. Okay. He proceeded to score 15 straight points on five straight threes. When I say straight points, I mean, he scored all the teams’ points. This occurred on six possessions. A dramatization: “Pejjjjjjaaaaa for threeeeeee!” [something happens on Sixers' end] “Ppppppejaaaaa for threeeee!” [a Sixer probably misses a free throw-- this is just a dramatization but they missed a lot, so why not?] “Pppejjaaaaa! For threeeeeeeeeeee!” [Hornets get rebound, crowd thinks, 'Oh come on, that's just cold, I'm cringing, you don't have to--] “Peja for three!” [Oh, fuck it.]

So here’s the crazy part. He hit all five from THE EXACT SAME SPOT ON THE FLOOR. Now, you might say I am exaggerating. Okay, fine. You might be right. The last one was slightly to the left. Check out the shot chart. He even got a nice little swagger dance going toward the end, and good-naturedly laughed off the sixth three that was called off because of the shot clock… but not before the arena had absolutely exploded.

A HornetsHype conversation (TM)

TT6: (reading recap) The Hornets are 23-7 when Peja scores double digits, but only 4-7 when he doesn’t.

mW: (snort) Yeah, and they’re 11-1 when I scratch my nose in the third quarter.

TT6: But they’re 7-2 when I wear my Posey jersey. [Note: This is a fact. And! Now they're 1-0 when Hilton Armstrong wears tall socks. SOMETIMES STATS HAVE MEANING. SEE?]

And one final note… who was watching at the very end of the game? Am I imagining this, or did Andre Miller intentionally foul Rasual Butler so everyone could get free Popeyes? He’s officially my new NBA hero. No, seriously. Here’s the situation: the Hornets have 99 points and a double digit lead, and the crowd is yelling. Whatever, we’re kind of new to the “Free fast food if they score 100 points” thing, because they didn’t have it before this season. And double whatever, because I was not aware before this season that Popeyes even had a chicken wrap to get a free one of… I mean, frankly, that’s a little healthier than what I want when I head to Popeyes, ya know what I’m saying? I want like a twelve piece spicy box with biscuits and Cajun rice… But I digress.

So Chris Paul gets a rebound with 24 seconds left in the fourth quarter, which gives him the triple double. Everyone cheers, but he heads up the court and decides to do the polite thing and dribble it out. Then, with 2.2 seconds left, Rasual Butler is half-assedly dribbling over near the Sixers bench, and Andre Miller reaches out and half-assedly hacks him across the wrist. They close up on him, and he’s laughing. Sual hits the free throws. HAHA!

I just gotta conclude that Andre Miller knows about Popeyes. He knows.

Because everyone loves a game when your starting big men are Sean Marks and Melvin Ely, right? Nah, it’s cool. We dominated.

• With David West and Tyson Chandler out, CP and Peja were cruising in leader-mode last night against the Nets for sure.
• I kind of shudder to think how the game would’ve gone if Posey/Peja/Sual had had one of their “cold” games from three.
• Byron Scott scolded the home crowd for their uncalled-for booing of Sean Marks in the first two minutes of Monday’s game. Rightly so. I really hope a little success doesn’t turn us into a bunch of spoiled jackasses. Like it was the guy’s choice to start. He and Ely combined for a couple of nice rejections last night. Besides, Marks got a long hug from Posey before the game, during which I can only assume the secrets of the universe were whispered into his ear. Who knows what magic he’ll be capable of now?
• The moment I had been waiting for occurred when Antonio Daniels, James Posey, and Julian Wright were all on the floor in tall socks at the same time. Bonus tall sock points for having Mo Pete on the floor too, with his black hybrid-tall-sock things.
• I didn’t realize until the fourth quarter that there was a new guy on the Hornets bench. I mean, I knew they signed him. But I didn’t know he was there there.
• Peja went double digits in rebounds before points!
• You could tell the Hornets lineup was completely messed up because there were always two guys walking over to inbound the ball before one of them was like, “Oh, oops.”
• That nasty little dribbling move Peja did before he drilled a shot in Jarvis Hayes’ face? Damn, Peja! We knew you were money like big fat dolla bills.
• CP was a highlight reel unto himself last night. Everything he did was pretty. Everything. He even sipped Gatorade gracefully.
• When you roll out a lineup in which James Posey is the 5, I think it is fair to say that you are playing small ball. Or actually, Peja might have been the 5. Who knows? Is that better or worse? Ehhh, forget it, they were rolling.
• Tuesday night, Ray Allen was in my dream. I was looting this bombed-out building and these people were after me with guns because they wanted some gold thing I found, and then Ray Allen was there, just kinda quiet and chilling, and we went to the hotel next door and he was gonna reserve the pool for a party… It was at that point that I realized I’ve been watching too much basketball and playing too much Fallout 3.
• To Shawn Marion trade rumormongers, I say only this: Peja. Today. Tomorrow. And always.

And as the time ticked down in the 4th quarter, it wasn’t always pretty. It didn’t look quite like Hornets basketball. But it was fast and a little crazy and fun to watch and it worked.

Oh, and about that bouncy long-limbed guy who came unglued from the bench tonight for 11 points and 6 rebounds?

Consider him freed.

No, seriously. Go to this thread on Hornets Report. I promise it will make you feel better, if you keep in mind that it was posted prior to the game. Just click on it. I promise… Peja on a Stick in London!

P.S. SPURS TROLL INDEX: HIGH. If you are trolling, I will delete you. Consider yourself fairly warned. Wah, wah, free speech, wah, Hornets fans suck. I’m not the one who spends my workday after victories making myself feel cool by saying douchey things on the internet. You’re a real f@*king winner. Whatever. Go complain about it to the owner of the site… Oh wait.

… Speaking of Peja on a Stick, and when are we not this week? I JUST saw the new flash intro on the Hornets website for the Spurs series, and I almost spit water all over my laptop. I missed it the first time. Just wait for it to load, and don’t do what I did at first and click right through to the regular site.

Just. Wait.

Ball Don’t Lie wanted some of that Peja on a Stick today. (What should I say? We got BDLed? Doesn’t quite lend itself to verbmaking the way “We got TrueHooped” does.) Coincidentally, they’ve also picked Hornets in 7. And SI’s got Hornets in 6. See, now, the reason I was so PO-ed about everyone picking the Mavs and giving the Hornets no love was because, hello, the #7 over the #2 seed? Like the Hornets tripped one morning and fell into the #2 seed in the West by accident. But the Hornets only have home court against the Spurs by virtue of a tiebreaker, and the Spurs are the defending champions (even though they only win in odd years). Just when I wasn’t gonna be particularly militant about the national media picking the Hornets to lose this one… go figure, they start getting all trendy and picking them to win.

And finally, via the T.P. and falling under the broad heading of “Only In New Orleans”…

Huge breaking news. Straight from the Hornets website:

May 3: Hornets vs. Spurs, 9:00 p.m.
Giveaway: Gold “Fan Up New Orleans” T-Shirt, courtesy of Toyota (everyone in attendance)
Peja Stojakovic Head (everyone in attendance)

Yes! Seriously! No joke.

Oh wow, so let me get this straight. We’re going to have CP3’s “Gold Out” on Saturday… the game is at 9 PM, meaning everyone will be Jazzfesting/partying in the street all evening beforehand… and… and Pejas on sticks! This is almost too much for HornetsHype to handle.

The Hornets are also not messing around with the Buzzfest. Dollar beers will start flowing at the fine, fresh hour of 6:30. Except if you’re a season ticketholder. Then you’ll get the only thing better than a dollar beer. And what’s the only thing better than a dollar beer?

Yeah, you know it.

(Edited: This is just indicative of the kind of fan I am. mW just walked through the door and I said I just posted huge breaking news. He was like, “Chris Paul is MVP?” I was like, “Dude, Peja on a STICK!” … yeah. It’s a good thing y’all don’t come here for deeply compelling statistical analysis.)

… that the Hornets have a Giant Peja Head wallpaper up on their site.

Don’t expect any graphical wonders. It is exactly what it sounds like: a giant smiling Peja head exactly like the ones that run around on sticks. So if you can’t get enough Peja On a Stick, this is totally for you! (Hmmm… it occurs to me the thing is probably high res enough that if you have the right printer and special paper, I dare say you could use the image to craft your very own mini-Peja On a Stick…)

Click here to check it out, and the other playoff wallpapers too. (Thanks to Mark for alerting me to this little morsel of greatness.)

This post is dedicated to Peja on a Stick. I have nothing to say about it. It’s self-explanatory. The crazy speaks for itself.

Now that’s some hot 5:00 shadow action… Is it me, or does the Peja Stojakovic bobblehead look remarkably like Peja? This thing kills me.

The only thing I find to criticize about it is… why is it running? For a guy whose sole job on offense consists of planting himself in his special magic spot in the corner outside the 3 point line, it’s just funny. They should have made it with its arms stretched over its head, looking down to check its feet.

The PejaHead: Tonight only at New Orleans Arena!

Also featuring: $1 beers outside starting at 5:30, the Free Agent Brass Band, and the Utah Jazz’ abysmal 16-22 road record.