Hornets Hype

So last night after the Lakers defeated the Nuggets in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, I fell asleep for like 2 hours. When I woke up, contacts sticking to my eyes, this is the first thing I saw:

Oh, you know, just had this red leather vest lying around the house and thought, "Wouldn't that look sweet with my madras shirt?"

Clearly this was some sleep-induced hallucination. Surely no one would be wacky enough to show up at an NBA press conference dressed as the really tall other half of Starsky and Hutch.

And yet Lamar Odom did. We shouldn’t be surprised. After all, we’re talking about a guy who showed up at a game last year wearing this:

It's a hoodie! It's a suit! It's a Lakesuit!

Like, wait, hold up. Is that…. a Laker colored suit? A Lakesuit? Or is it a hoodie? Or is it… a suit and a hoodie?

Lamar Odom strolled into the Lakers’ locker room some 25 minutes late. Lakers coach Phil Jackson had just finishing addressing the media during his pregame press session when he saw Odom and blurted out:

“Oh, my God,” Jackson said, laughing. “No wonder it took you a long time to get here.”

Jackson laughed at Odom’s outfit he was wearing. It was an all white suit. The sleeves on the coat were purple. The lapels were gold. “Are you in a marching band?” Jackson joked.

It was hard to describe what Odom was wearing. “This is indescribable,” Odom correctly said. “You can’t describe this.”

Pull up a seat, as we take a spin through the fashion world of one Lamar Odom…

[More]

Don’t get too comfortable, JR….. I’m coming for you.

I knew I saved this picture for a certain moment

In all seriousness, though, thanks for being with us this season! We’ll be around, taking the hype into the summer. And talking about the NBA playoffs like they’re going out of style (Serious Question: if the Hornets aren’t in the playoffs, then can the playoffs really be said to be in style? … I think not!). And making changes in our heads that will never happen in real life. And drafting future greatness. And making small moves, or maybe even big moves. But the important point is, we’ll be here.

Because, really, you’re gonna tell Chris Paul that, because of one bad week, he’s out of it for next year? Then I got two words for you:

STAND. BACK.

This edition of Hornets Arts and Crafts Time is brought to you by Ticktock6.

Ill-conceived Nike Zoom Kobe IV

OK, these kicks have not been released yet, but the colors do draw the eye, don’t they? What we have here is a pretty nice Hornets shoe, complete with turquoise, purple, and pinstripes. There’s even a little honeycomb texture. If you like to wear shoes to the games that match your gear, like me, you are totally on the lookout for stuff like this.

FIGURE 1

BUT WAIT. In a nonsensical bit of rubbing-it-in douchery, Nike has released a version of Kobe’s shoe to commemorate the super special occasion of him being drafted by the Hornets… aaaaaand then being instantly traded and never playing a minute for them. Yep, a sneaker in the team colors of a jersey he never wore. With his draft date on the back! Evil. Speaking of which, how come they made it in the newer, more-blue-than-green Hornets colors? Kobe would certainly have never worn the New Orleans version of the colors and pinstripes. He would have worn the old school teal. Baffling.

But you know what? Fortunately, you can totally stil buy this shoe. After all, there aren’t that many turquoise and purple sneakers out there, so it would be a shame to waste this one! For this art project, you will need:

1) 1 pair Nike Zoom Kobe IVs in Hornets colors

2) White out

3) Purple Sharpie

This is a three step project that should be simple even for amateur artists. The end result should be a piece of Hornets gear you will feel proud to wear to a game with your David West jersey.

Step 1: Apply white out to the vertical portion of both 1’s in the number 11. Leave the top and bottom of the numbers. You’ll need those later. Blot out the middle of the 9, and the left lower side of the 6.

Step 2: Using your purple Sharpie, follow the pattern shown in Figure 2, below.

Step 3: Wait for white out and marker to dry. Then wear and enjoy!

FIGURE 2: Now that's a sneaker this franchise can be proud of!

The Beastitude of a True Fighter

A lot of us die-hards were dealing with disillusionment in the aftermath of Friday’s loss to the Knicks. I think it was the point when some of us finally said goodbye to this season’s playoff hopes. The team came out of the All-Star break on a tear, traded Tyson Chandler, got him back, went on a 7-game winning streak, lost Peja, lost Tyson again, had a chance to steal the division lead from the Rockets at home and failed miserably, won too-close games against weak teams, and then had another chance to leap a spot in the standings against the Nuggets at home and failed miserably. Roller coaster, right?

Losing to the Knicks, in a game where Chris Paul stooped so low as to engage in trash talk with the likes of Nate Robinson … James Posey got ejected and suspended for chucking the ball at a ref … the team performed a complete 180 and decided to entirely abandon defense in the second half… seemed sort of like an end. It seemed like we were able to exhale that breath and finally come to terms with the fact that a team that could lose, and worse, lose like that, in the middle of a tight playoff race was just not a contender. And I’m ashamed to admit it almost felt good to let go of that, after all the injuries and disappointments of this season. I wondered on Twitter whether it would be better to save money by not buying playoff tickets, since we were one and done anyway.

And so it was that on Sunday I arrived at the Spurs game thinking, “Okay, we’re not going to win. No Tyson. No Peja. No Posey. I’ll just have some beers and enjoy being here. Enjoy the games we have left.” It’s a slow process, letting go of a season. The cracks appeared early. The .500 start. Then they got a little deeper. The home loss to the Warriors. The 4th quarter meltdown against the Blazers. Then they dropped the Knicks game on Friday. And suddenly, there it was in front of us, what we should have seen all along.

It was right after tipoff that I glanced up and realized that the arena was full. And I mean really full. People stacked to the top of the upper bowl. And not quiet people, either. This became apparent in the first two or three minutes, when a weak foul call on what looked like a Tim Duncan flop was met with a roar of boos.

So I guess at this point I should explain the hangup I have about this team. Which is that, every time they go on a losing streak, I get completely freaked out. Because we’re not that far removed from last season, when no one was coming to games. And part of me is just terrified that if the team fails this season, people will give up and stop coming. I do not want this team to leave New Orleans. I will fight and scratch and throw elbows for them not to leave this city. I will do whatever I can to prevent that from ever happening. I started this blog because I felt this so strongly.

On Sunday, I looked at the people hanging over the edge of the upper deck and it hit me, and I thought, “Oh my god. The city still believes in this team.” The crowd was roaring and the adrenaline was blazing and I’d forgotten how that could be.  And the Hornets were winning. They had no business winning. I don’t think anyone I talked to that day even bothered to entertain the thought of them winning. I mean, we were all just there for the beer. I thought to myself at that moment, “I would trade three losses to the Knicks for what I saw in this building tonight.” And it’s a sentiment that doesn’t make sense when you’re racing for playoff seeding. You can’t trade three games for one game. It’s a feeling I can’t explain. Maybe I’m just a junkie for this team, but I meant it. Five days later, I still mean it.

It’s stupid, right? Because how I feel can’t impact what happens in these games. What is a crowd, after all, but a lot of people yelling? But we do care. And we feel disillusioned and mad and cheated on the nights when it seems like the team doesn’t care. Because when we come to games, come yelling till we’re hoarse, come wearing the team colors, come booing and cursing and refusing to sit down, we’re putting a bit of ourselves out there and into the game. And we want to feel like we’re getting something in return.

We just want something we can feel proud of.

The team gives David West a standing ovation

And then, as if we were even expecting it to be taken up another notch after the Spurs game, in stepped David West.

I’m not sure this was appreciated by the national media, because how many people watch Kings or Clippers games? Surely not many. But the dude could barely walk on a messed-up ankle, let alone run. And he drops 40-9-6 on the Kings. He comes out of the game with just a couple minutes left and we think, surely he’s done. But suddenly Sacramento throws up a crazy shot, and the Hornets are down one with just 1.7 on the clock. And there’s David West, checking into the game, wincing. And yet he holds off two Kings defenders so Rasual Butler can get that one shot. And, well, we all know what happens then.

This is what I say.

It’s time to stop waiting for the team of potential greatness that exists in my head to show up. It’s time to love the team we have. The one that’s fun but terribly flawed. The one that sometimes seems a little too laid-back and underachieving. The one that the rest of the country gave up on a long time ago. Because they wear New Orleans on their shirts, and when you think about it, they’re not so different from this city, are they?

What it comes down to for me is this: Any team that can come out and fight like what I saw this week, I will follow to the end.

So let’s go there. 74 down. 8 to go.

I submit for your consideration the following conversation that took place during the first half of the Hornets/Rockets game:

Ticktock6: Hey, I wonder if T-Mac made the trip. Probably not. After all, this is New Orleans. He might get shot.

mW: Yeah, I know, man. All those shootings that go on at the W.

Ticktock6: It’s a dangerous place. That W is like the wild, wild West.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s been over a year since Tracy McGrady made those comments about being scared to go to the All Star Game in New Orleans (the best part about that article, by the way, is how Rafer Alston chimes in and agrees with him, saying, “I’m scared right now, only because of the situation down there now. Right now, it’s pretty unsafe,” like anyone ever asked Rafer Alston to go to an All Star Game. Yeah you right, Skip. It’s like motherf***in Baghdad down here, BE AFRAID!). The rest of the world has pretty much forgotten it. But McGrady’s still on our $#*tlist. When am I gonna let it go? Oh come on, you know the answer is, like, never.

Especially not after this morning’s news that Rockets forward Carl Landry was shot in the leg late last night following Rockets @ Hornets. Oh, T-Mac, it was so wise and prescient of you to be worried about getting shot in New Orleans. You are clearly a prophet for our age….. BUT WAIT! Landry was actually shot when he stopped at a fast food restaurant at around 4 AM, after the Rockets’ flight back from New Orleans landed in Houston sometime after midnight last night.

OK, no seriously, it’s not funny. Someone being shot is never funny. And I am glad Carl Landry is all right. But…

I’m not saying… I’m just saying.

HornetsHype: Being Huge Assholes in the Name of New Orleans Patriotism Since 2008

I’m going to flat out say this: I haven’t read the Charley Rosen “Deron Williams is better than CP” column.

I know, right? Amazing self-restraint… or is it just that I find it difficult to summon up the will to care about a piece of writing I know isn’t backed up by statistical fact, written by a guy — who works for Fox– who has had a penchant in the past for watching one Hornets game a year (usually a blowout loss) and making sweeping generalizations based on that one game? I think Rosen spent most of last season on my $#*tList. Because I have a deep and abiding hatred for him? No, because he just sucks. “Williams goes left better than Paul”? Is this basketball, or fucking Zoolander?

I dunno. You go read it if you want. Or instead you could check out this post by Rob Fitz of Celtics 17 to see how Chris stacks up to Magic and Stockton. Or you could just look at this:

2006
Paul:
16 points
8 assists
5 rebounds
2 steals
2.3 TO

Williams:
10 points
5 assists
2 rebounds
1 steal
1.8 TO

2007
Paul:
17 points
9 assists
4 rebounds
3 steals
2.5 TO

Williams:
16 points
9 assists
3 rebounds
1 steal
3.0 TO

2008
Paul:
21 points
12 assists
4 rebounds
3 steals
2.5 TO

Williams:
19 points
11 assists
3 rebounds
1 steal
3.4 TO

2009
Paul:
21 points
11 assists
5 rebounds
3 steals
2.9 TO

Williams:
19 points
11 assists
3 rebounds
1 steal
3.4 TO

FG% on 2-point jump shots this season:
Paul 47.4 percent, Williams 47.2 percent.

FG% on 3-pointers this season:
Paul 34.1 percent, Williams 31.9 percent.

FG% on inside shots this season:
Paul 63.1 percent, Williams 56.5 percent.

And 1’s this season:
Paul 31, Williams 19

(Thanks, Hornets Report and Hornets 24/7.)

When will it end? When? When? (UPDATE: Apparently never. Whatever. Ryne Nelson can’t really hide the fact that he’s laughably biased against Chris Paul at this point. In fact, I don’t even know why I linked to that. It killed brain cells. It literally had nothing to add except, “Haha! I found someone who thinks I’m not wrong.” UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Hollinger knows.)

The following page appeared in this weekend’s Hornets game programs. Hehe… All I’m saying is, picture of Brandon Roy… Ladies Night… Brandon Roy…

You know what I’m saying. Uh huh. That is some smart marketing. See, they’re always thinking like that. Smart.

Now, BRoy, don’t go thinking you’re going to confuse me with your muscular shoulders and your superclutch shots and your whizzing through the lane all talented and All-Star like. It’s not like you came here just for me or anything. You came to beat my team. And we quite simply can’t have that.

… but this blogger just said it 100% better: “Hey, LeBron, here’s 10 better ways to use your chalk.” For instance, #7:

Perhaps Lebron could get his whole team involved – he is supposed to be unselfish after all – and have everyone tossing up chalk at the scorers table. It would lead to a cool illusion where for 3.5 seconds Zydrunas Ilgauskas would completely disappear.

I nearly snorted gin and tonic out my nose. When someone is being way funnier than me, I recognize. Shout out to Truth About It for the link.

Why not?  The Hornets have an extra roster spot.  The pundits say that we still lack a reliable big.  Darius Miles is a lanky 6′9″, 235 lbs. that we could use.  You say he’s already 27 and injury-prone; he’s barely played in the last two-three years.  Does he still have anything left after what was declared a career-ending injury?  (Which by the way, was a way bigger deal than most people give credit for…I mean what were Jamal Mashburn’s injuries?  How long did he sit on our cap space after he couldn’t play and was talking in a TV studio?)  I say it’s worth it to find out.

The NBA, like all big business, is a risk-reward equation.  For the Hornets, there is almost no risk in signing Miles.  Sign him to a 10-day contract at the League minimum.  I’m sure he’d be dying to be here (plus the Trailblazers are paying him $9 mil any way each for this year and next).  Keep res-signing him to those 10-day contracts up until just before March 1st, when the playoff roster must be set.  If you like what you see by then, sign him to a contract through the rest of the year.  If not, you can cut him at any time.

Listen, we had issues behind the scenes with Birdman.  Then, he looked horrible last year when he played.  But now he’s doing well in Denver.  Too bad those issues kept us from re-signing him.  Let’s not make the same mistake here.  First of all, as aforementioned, there’s so little risk.  Second, it puts $9 mil back on the salary cap of the Blazers for the next two years.  How can we not want to stick it to a rival like that, especially when we got screwed on the abovementioned Mashburn deal?  I’m sure George Shinn is a good ole boy who doesn’t like to play dirty, but this is, again, a big business; that’s how it’s played. 

So, we stick it to a rival who has way too much cap space and too many players to trade, hamstringing their ability to make moves, and, who incidentally, is directly threatening to our positioning in the conference. Worst case scenario, give him two minutes of play in eight straight games and cut him.  You fuck the Blazers (who I do like and respect, but come on, this isn’t about being nice, it’s about winning), and you get an almost free look at Miles.  Best case scenario, you find another big who can play.  That sounds like a good risk-reward equation.

I say pull the trigger on it while you can, Jeff Bower.

He might not actually be a real person right now. He might not even be on the same planet as everyone else. Outscoring Kobe Bryant with 40-11! Make that the same planet as everyone else except Chris Paul (32-15!).

You know, to tell you the truth, I had a good feeling about this one. I had it all day. You ever read the Harry Potter books? The best comparison I can think of is when Harry takes the Felix Felicis potion, the one that makes you lucky, and he’s coasting through the day like, “Nah, man, it’s aaaaaaallll good. Let’s just roll with this.” And I can’t even explain it. I felt very relaxed about this game, very unstressed. And the Hornets just roll in and show us who they can be. No pressure or anything, guys. They did it with great performances. They did it with one of the best games of the season. (Three All Stars going off? Insanity. There was total insanity happening at the Staples Center.)

I’m scared to officially announce this, but the Hornets’ season might be out of beta. Looks like we’re scheduled to release on time after all.

It’s on. Tell your friends.