Hornets Hype

In a basement. In our pajamas.

Archive for the ‘ Worldwide Domination ’ Category

This is a Limited Edition Ticktock6 exclusive, coming at you live from the basement. I have come out of retirement to create this categorized compendium of possible Hornets names.

Regarding “serious” names versus joke names… Well, that’s how it is with this sort of thing, isn’t it? A name one person comes up with as a serious suggestion, another person thinks is hilariously lame. So I have decided to categorize according to topic and not joke/non-joke. Hopefully you can decide whether something is a joke for yourself. Hopefully (which is the real trick) the official selection committee can also decide.

Please note that in the case of C or K names, we have the option of going all Golden State and being the Crescent City ____ instead of New Orleans. I have seen that idea kicked around a couple of places. I don’t necessarily like it, but it is an option.

If you have ideas that aren’t on here, please leave them in a comment!

 

Stuff That Is “Uniquely New Orleans”

 

Creoles

Cajuns

Krewe (** See Big List of Singular Nouns, below, for more on this)

Hurricanes

Crescents

Jesters

Gris-Gris

Witchdoctors

Spirits

Potholes

Potholes Filled With Water (Oh. Sorry, I had a bad drive home from work just now.)

Outlaws

Gamblers

Streetcars

Tanks (Because everyone’s got tanking on the brain, so why not go all the way! Also, the World War II Museum)

Gutterpunks

Quarter Rats

Yats

Street Sweepers

Death (Because of ghost/vampire lore… the logo would be a giant SKULL.)

Zombies

Revelers

Paraders

Neutral Grounds

Levees

Swamp People

Breakers

Pirates

River Pirates

Captains

Corsairs

Knights/Nights

Pistols (As in Pete, not guns, but I doubt this would fly.)

Voodoo (It’s taken though)

Buccaneers (note that our ABA team was called this)

Festivals

Chefs

 

This is a nutria. It is a giant rat.

Animals

 

Crawfish

Mudbugs

Nutria (These are giant rats. I am not making this up.)

Pelicans

Redfish

Gators (Been done.)

Crawgators (I saw this somewhere. It is not a real thing. But fine. Sure. It’s an animal. Sigh.)

Shrimp (Seriously, what is wrong with people? Do you want the team to get beat up? No animal names unless it’s something mean. The cardinal rule of animal names, people.)

Mosquitos/Skeeters

 

Foods: Because There Aren’t Enough Edible Teams

 

Beignets

Jambalaya (Yes. In the singular. BOOM.)

Gumbo

Muffaletta

Etouffee

Po Boys

 

Booze: Because Why Aren’t There More Teams Named After Booze?

 

Hand Grenades

Sazeracs

Juleps

Absinthe

Beer (In the singular. As is. The New Orleans Beer.)

Go-Cups

 

Something That’s Like Jazz, You Know, Musical… Because We Can’t Have Jazz

 

Blues

Brass (Note that we used to have a minor league hockey team called this)

Bounce (What? Musical form that originated in New Orleans, you say? And everyone can shake their booty during timeouts! It will be H-O-T!)

Soul

Horns

Tipitinas

Rhythm

Funk (GUYS. And it has a DUAL MEANING. Music, and the smell of the standing water in the gutters on Bourbon Street!)

Hot Five

This is a Mardi Gras Indian

Mardi Gras Indians

 

Big Chiefs

Wild Men (I would totally root for this team. Just saying.)

Wild Tchoupitoulas (I am extremely partial to names the national media will not get/be able to pronounce.)

 

List of Singular Nouns Which, Like Neck Tattoos, I Am Against In Principle But Some of Which May Be Marginally Acceptable

 

Krewe (I personally find this better than most singular names due to the fact that, like a team, a Krewe is a group of people. If we are the Krewe, I prefer to be the Krewe of New Orleans instead of the New Orleans Krewe. The reasons being twofold: 1) It matches Mardi Gras Krewe nomenclature, ie: they are all Krewe of ____, 2) It yields the abbreviation of KNO rather than NOK, which would remind people too much of the Hornets’ much-hated Oklahoma City stint after Katrina.)

Sound

Flavor

Brass (this is a popular suggestion, and appears above under Music, but it is also a dreaded Singular)

Corruption

Decadence

Lagniappe

Big Easy

Humidity (When we played the Heat, things would get sweaty.)

Weather

Crime

Breeze (Ho Ho, we have a player named Drew Brees. We won’t forever, doofwads. Plus this name sucks.)

Bayou (I guess my thing here is the same as with animal names. The first evaluating question should be, “CAN IT KILL YOU? OR AT LEAST FUCK YOU UP?” If not, probably best to move on.)

Pride

Carnival (Or the Crescent City Carnival, as opposed to New Orleans. How alliterative.)

Rex

 

 

Names Which Are Counterparts to “Saints” But Which Are Mostly Lame

 

Angels

Archangels (and its Gil McGregor-esque pun twin, Arc Angels… shudder… No, look, I could hardly type it. I WOULD DIE.)

Sinners

Crunk (After the Saints’ touchdown song, naturally! Actually, can we just do this? I would put aside my aversion to singular names to be the New Orleans Crunk.)

 

Names That Really Are a Joke. Really.

Mormons

Latter Day Saints

Polygamists (the idea being that Salt Lake City gets so offended at the proposal of these names, they trade Jazz back to us)

Hu$tler$

… The Twitter Section’s pet idea. Please note that both S’s in Hustlers will appear as dollar signs on the jerseys. We designed this team’s entire concept during the 3rd quarter of Hornets/Jazz. It has meanings on multiple levels. 1) Basketball players who hustle– the innocent meaning that you save for Grandma, 2) Drug dealers– let’s face it, we have a lot of drug dealers in New Orleans, 3) Dudes who scam you by asking you where you got your shoes, 4) There is in fact a Hustler Club on Bourbon Street. The team colors are green, chrome, and diamond. (You will have to ask @LSUhornet17 what the color diamond entails, exactly.) After wins, they drop fake dollar bills instead of confetti. There is a massive built-in array of songs and sound clips involving Hustlers. Instead of “The Hive” the arena shall be referred to as “The Club.” What’s the  logo? Glad you asked. This.

 

Wishful Fucking Thinking

Jazz

 

Hornets Hyped in Brazil

By on February 2, 2011

Although Hornets’ fans have decried the lack of National TV games for the New Orleans Hornets this season, it’s obvious that anyone who has League Pass or watches NBA highlights still loves, at the very least, Chris Paul, who was one of two guards elected by popular vote to start for the Western Conference All-Stars in Dallas.  This is not just a U.S. phenomenon, though; Paul and the Hornets are followed worldwide.  We’ve pointed out in the past that the Chinese love CP3 (or “Small Cannon” as they call him–among other nicknames), and have linked to blogs and forums in China, as well as Germany.  Well, now we have one more to add from Brazil:

NoHornetsBrasil, which y’all can find at http://nohornetsbrasil.wordpress.com/.  You will need to be able to read Portuguese to read their posts, but I have it on good authority that they rock, and no doubt they are hyping the Hornets.  Or, if you trust Google, check out its page translator and input NoHornetsBrasil’s website.

I know the Hornets were popular in Brazil when we had Marcus Vinicius (pictured on right) as one of our young, developing players.  Alas, he never quite became the player we were hoping when we picked him up in the mid-second round in 2006.  By 2008, Vinicius was shipped out to Memphis as part of the trade that brought us Bonzi Wells and Mike James.  Soon thereafter, he returned to Brazil, and, ultimately, surfaced in the Italian League.  Also, if you watched the Worlds closely over the summer, you would have seen him representing Brazil.  Anywho, it looks like some people in Brazil still dig the Hornets.

So, no matter what language the folks over at NoHornetsBrasil are writing, or how you read their posts, we love having more and more people writing and reading about, watching, following, and just loving the Hornets.  Welcome to the extended Hornets family, NoHornetsBrasil!

Chaos Effect

By on January 30, 2011

A while back, I wrote about the Chaos Effect that Chris Paul creates. At his best, he’s completely unpredictable and indefensible.  Will he roll the ball to half-court only to explode past an overzealous defender, dribble up lazily and run brutal pick and roll half-court sets, push the fast break, or wind around defenders, sanguine and unfathomable, with his patented fake-dribble, opposite shoulder juke, and thread a no-look pass past defenders to an open three point shooter?  Paul is leading all point guards in 3-point shooting, is a master of drawing fouls (with a correspondingly deadly 90% accuracy at the line), and can carve up your team with zero-to-sixty acceleration scoring drives or his unerring ability to draw defenders and dish it out for assist on easy basket after assist on easy basket.  That ability to do everything well, concomitant with the willingness to be cerebral and deceive defenders makes him difficult to guard in even the worst of his games.

When the Miami Heat started their 21-1 stretch earlier in the season, one of the observations made was that James, Wade, and Bosh were reacting to defenses and exploiting what they saw in the moment, rather than running straight sets.  That is, they were all deciding on the spot what to do and using their growing cohesion and athletic talent to take advantage.  One of the keys?  They became much, much more unpredictable.  When a team is predictable, it is easy to stop as long as you have the right defensive strategy and can execute it, which, in contrast, the early strugglesof the Heat, before that streak, showed.  Some commentators likened this evolution to Phil Jackson’s judo-like reflexive Triangle offense, which, by design, runs less straight plays and instead takes what it is given.  Jackson is the most successful coach in NBA history, so we don’t have to question the efficacy of his strategies.  Unpredictability, inherently, shares a link to chaos, in that neither can be controlled.

When I first proposed my Chaos theory, I asked what the second unit could do to replicate Chris’ unpredictable skillset, even if to a lesser degree.  At that time, I suggested Julian Wright might be able to produce chaotic effects to the team’s benefit, with his ability to shoot threes, long arms on defense, ability to run the break, and thunderous dunks.  Wright never developed with any consistency, however, and was shipped out to Toronto over the summer.  But what I wrote then still holds as true then as it does now: sometimes you have to stop trying to make players into your kind of guy and just free them.  Any coach that tries to make CP3 or David West into anything they aren’t is fooling themselves.  To his credit, new coach, Monty Williams, has done a superb job of building an offense around those two.  But there’s just one thing he still needs to learn is okay.

How to free Marcus “Lil’ Buckets” Thornton.

Say it again.  Free Marcus “Buckets”  Thornton.  Say it again.  Free Buckets.  The young second round draft pick has surpassed the expectations of most players picked in his position and has exploded over defenses again and again.  Most three pointers by a Hornets rookie ever.  Most points in a quarter by a Hornet (rookie or otherwise) ever.  Listen to announcers from other teams on League Pass.  They are always nervous when he enters the game.  With good reason.  Marcus has one of the quickest releases in the League and isn’t afraid to let it go.  One of the reasons he is so valuable is that he can score in any way, at any time.  How do you defend someone who is as likely to catch-and-shoot a deep three as he is to pump, pump, pump, and then explode past you to the rim, twist through your help defenders and contort around the rim for an impossible lay-in?  How do you game someone who is as comfortable coming around off-ball screens to fire an open look as he is to take the ball, drive to the next defender, and dish to an open teammate?  He runs the break with the best of them and can dominate defenders in isolation.  He’s an excellent ballhandler, who despite being a natural shooting guard rarely turns the ball over, even when pressed to play the point, such as when injuries reduced the Hornets to him as the only guard last year, or even just to help beat the press.  So the only question is what is causing Williams to give him less minutes than expected?

I understand the argument that he can be your sixth man.  People like to compare his offensive game to Jason Terry, Jamal Crawford, and J.R. Smith.  I’m fine with that.  I wouldd prefer Paul and West get the largest percentage of first unit shots.  So bringing Thornton off the bench makes sense.  Kind of.  I am also partial to starting your best players.  But, regardless, Thornton is playing 16 minutes per game under Coach Williams.  Terry plays 32 minutes a game, Crawford 31, and Smith 24.  So what is it that Williams sees in those 16 minutes or at practice that he would prefer Willie Green at the two-spot?  With three less minutes a game, Thornton is averaging more points, rebounds, assists, and steals per game than Green, while shooting the deep ball 6% better.  Is it that defense thing?  Monty would have us believe so.  But I don’t buy it.

Thornton is a chaotic defender, who, though he can get lost from time to time, can also disrupt opposing offenses.  He cheats the lanes, gets steals, and leads or participates in more fastbreaks than any Hornet on those turnovers the Hornets are so good at creating.  And where does Thornton get the idea to play like that?  Surely other Hornets don’t do that.  Unless you’re talking about Paul or Trevor Ariza.  Our two best defenders.  Of course Marcus is not nearly as good as a defender as either, but he’s cut from the same cloth and he’s way better than he’s given credit for.  Another factor is MT5′s speed.  Green can’t match that; neither can Jack for that matter, who also sees some time at the shooting guard spot next to Paul.  A lot of faster players can blow by a slower Green, while Thornton has the ability to keep with those guys.  For that matter, I submit Thornton is as good as a defender as the Hornets’ starting two guard, Marco Belinelli, who has never been known as a stout defender (though has he has done reasonably well under Coach Williams).  Does he have techniques and strategies to improve on?  Of course.  He’s a second year player.

But not always knowing whether he’ll be a frenetic devil on defense or a lost-in-screens, over-cheating two guard are not reasons to bench Thornton.  A guy who can easily put up 16 points in 17 minutes on 70% shooting (with one of his misses being a half court heave) is not the guy that should be in a suit or getting a DNP-CD, just because he might go 2-10 instead of 7-10.  In the NBA, every shooter has off nights.  But most nights, Thornton is shooting lights out.  If he’s not starting next to Chris Paul, he should be the first one off the bench, with heavy minutes in crunch time.

Coach Williams talks a lot about trust, and of young guys needing to learn at actual game speed.  So how about it, Coach?  Ready to sit back, take a deep breath, and be okay with not knowing what Buckets will bring your team?  I’m not denying his performance will create chaos.  But what I am saying is that it might be a good thing.  Chris Paul creates MVP-quality chaos.  Marcus Thornton could easily create sixth man of the year chaos, laying waste to NBA second units.  But Williams has to go to him first.  Not just when he’s desperate to stage the best comeback in team history.

Lots of people are talking about players’ rights versus owners’ rights, basketball being a business, winning is everything, and it all breaking down into an almost mechanical equation of loyalists of all varieties, arguing three sides to every story.  Lebron this, Amare this, Chris Paul that.  Kevin Durant.  But there is something more to it, something primal, that on a base level, each of us implicitly realizes, no matter how many manufactured storylines are put forth by Stern, the Media, or the so-called reality television shows which are even now infesting this sport.  It’s greatness.  It’s that thing that makes one individual greater than the sum or so many before him that have tried and failed; it’s that which allows one to put his teammates on his shoulders and carry or push them through or over every obstacle to victory.  It’s an intangible quality precious few possess.

Greatness is never given to you.  It must be earned.  You cannot be born into it without sacrifice, dedication, and effort.  It cannot be handed to you on a silver platter.  It must be uniquely yours, a what-some-would-call destiny forged through your sweat and tears: a combination of what is possible and what you will to be.  Today, though, too many people, be they athletes, celebrities, or the well-to-do, have a sense of entitlement, like yesteryear’s aristocracy, that they were born special so they should have it all with little or no effort.  Lebron James is the prototype of this societal model: before he had played a single game in the NBA he was called “King James.”  Yet what’s to say then that he wouldn’t have been the Darko, the DeShawn Stevenson, or even Jermaine O’Neal?  Who knew for sure that that 18-year-old would be a two-time MVP?  Then?  No one.  Nevertheless, it was all given to him from day one, marketed to him, signed, sealed, and delivered to him.  Even now, or at least up until “The Decision,”  he still is  (was) treated like aristocracy despite his anti-climatic disappointments the last two years.  Having the best regular season record in the League only to flame out in the Playoffs?  Let’s let the blame fall where it belongs: on the man who doesn’t have the heart of a champion.

So untouchable was James, before Wojnarowski roasted him, he was lionized despite his obvious faults.  Look at ESPN’s free agency picture for him (above).  The basketball falls behind his head like a too-low saint’s halo.  Which intern broke through his or her boss’ blinders, and was like, dude, you have to lower the rock, people will think we’re trying to make him into Jesus.  Who?  ”King James,” the “Chosen One”?  What?  I know, hard to imagine elevating him with near-religious overtones.  Fortunately, not everyone has fallen under his monumental shadow.  There are those, who have always seen he just doesn’t have It.  But is Chris Paul one of them?

Each and every time Lebron has had a chance to be a champion, he’s faltered.  Every time he needed to show heart, he shrank from it.  If it isn’t part of his billion-dollar plan, he’s not invested.  And now, when there’s no one left to blame, when his team has generously spent well beyond the luxury tax, given him every free agent and trade they could, and even fired his coach and GM, Lebron finally realized it was all on him.  So he ran.  I’m not criticizing him for being a “new generation” player, or as someone one who wants to play with friends rather than see all others as the enemy, as someone in the modern free agency era exercising his contractual rights, or even as an force swinging the balance of power relations between players and owners and striking a hit against The Man; I simply submit that he looked greatness in the eye and blinked first.  Not only that, he turned away, and walked the other way, head down.

The greatest among us, those who we should put forth as examples of what humanity can achieve don’t run from the hardest of obstacles: they smash through them.  History is replete with such individuals, but being what this is, I’ll stay focused on basketball.  Michael Jordan didn’t win a championship until his seventh year, as the media incessantlyreminded us for the first two rounds of the Playoffs last year, the (surprise!) seventh year of Lebron’s faux-reign.  MJ didn’t run.  He worked harder.  He made it happen, he pushed himself to levels that maybe no other basketball player has reached.  A few years later, Kobe Bryant had the good life with Shaq, and then it was all torn apart; egos got involved, Kobe made some questionable personal choices, struggled through both bad seasons and legal battles.  Sure, he made trade demands, chided his team for not improving, and so maybe had some help in being forced to stay along for the ride, but in so doing so, proved all his critics wrong, defying all those who said he couldn’t play unselfishly, that he couldn’t play injured, couldn’t win without Shaq, or beat the Celtics.  He overcame all that and now stands on the cusp of his sixth ring.  Or Paul Pierce.  He could never get over the edge with then-pal Antoine Walker, suffered several miserable years, was badly injured, and even, at one point, was stabbed eleven fucking times.  Did Pierce quit, give up, or run?  That’s not who he is.  Pierce stayed in Boston and waited for his team to improve.  Then, when the moment came, he seized it.  People can talk about KG and Shuttleworth all they want, but anyone who watched those games three years ago knew that it was Pierce who had the soul of the winner, that it was Pierce who put them all on his shoulders and made them champions: highlighted penultimately by his epic Game 7 mortal combat finish with Lebron in the Eastern Conference Finals.  With all three of these players, Jordan, Kobe, and Pierce, you can tell that they have It.  That Something that makes them great.  Lebron, for all his talent, doesn’t.

So where does that leave Chris Paul?

That’s the question isn’t it?  When healthy, there’s no dispute, other than from a few disgruntled Jazz fans, that CP3 is the best lead guard in the League.  Most would probably mark him down as a top-five NBA player.  But is he just one more injury away from being Tracy McGrady?  Is he a half-season of quitting away from being Vince Carter?  Or is he more like Kobe, the man who withstood the challenges to his primacy from those two players, and who pulled up those around him to win two straight championships?

Some people say Chris is a punk, who’s mean, and plays dirty.  Well, although few people other than Jeff Van Gundy said it at the time, it’s now generally acknowledged that Jordan was the same.  There’s a fine line between dirty and using all your tricks to get every advantage.  Ask Bruce Bowen about that.  I think, like Mike, Chris toes that line and is such an uber-competitor that he will resort to anything to get the W.  It’s what sets him apart.

Chris Paul does it all.  He can score, he can control the ball, he can appropriate it from the careless, and he can distribute the rock with an uncanny floor vision: an inversion of the NBA-expected dominant big man.  Most importantly, though, he’s always seemed to have It.  When Lebron has the ball in the last minute of games, I see a man who believes he is entitled to hit the game winner.  When I see Kobe do the same, I see death in his eyes: a man who wants to win more than he wants to score.  There’s a crucial difference between the two.  I see an intense look in Chris’ eyes at the ends of games.  Anyone who watched the first home game against the Nuggets last year got it; months after one of the worst Playoff drubbings every, Chris took over and had his revenge.  The man just would not be stopped.  It’s that Something that lets him take over games and his made him a star.  That edge earned him the nickname The Baby Faced Assassin.  Or, as the Chinese call him, Small Cannon.  Either way, the man is magic and will bring unparalleled talent no matter where he plays.  Which brings us full circle.

Personally, I hope the place he finds his greatness is New Orleans.  I hope that like Jordan, Kobe, and Pierce, Chris Paul decides to find his legacy within and not waste that efficacy by acquiescing to the myth that greatness can be found in aggregate desire.  Is staying in Nola what Chris wants, though?  Does he have the fortitude to lead his team to greatness?  Is that what is written in his soul, or does he just want to play which a bunch of sure things and duke it out with other sure things, the city that he saved be damned?  It’s what the Greeks would call an examination of Character.

One of the most moving moments in sports history is watching the high school game that Chris Paul dedicated to his grandfather.  You can find a video of it if you look.  It’ll send chills throughout you, even here in New Orleans in July.  In tribute to his 61-year-old grandfather who had just been murdered, an emotional Chris swore he’d score 61 points in a high school game.  That day, his will was supreme, and the words “obstacles” and “you cannot” held no meaning.  When CP finally hit the last shot to reach that sublime 61, he fell to the floor in ecstatic relief, which, in itself, is a cathartic experience, even vicariously; but, then, to watch Chris go to the free throw line and intentionally miss his shots?  It wasn’t about a scoring record or what college he’d get to play for the next year.  It wasn’t about him.  It was about a grandfather who had been his heart and soul.  That, I have always believed, is the day the world learned Chris Paul’s character.

So what, Chris, do you think your grandfather would say about your association with LRMR?  It’s not hard to see what they are.  That them, Leon Rose, and Worldwide Wes are all trying to tell you what to do to be a “better” investment, a better “character.”  But is that who you are?  A follower?  What happened to being the Savior of New Orleans?  Wasn’t that good enough?  Whatever you do, it should be you telling them how it is.  We’ve seen your character.  We know you can be great.  But you have to actualize that greatness, and not self-abnegate it.  With it, you can lead the Hornets to a championship.  Without it, you’ll just be that guy who scored a lot of points, made a lot of money, and disappointed a lot of people.

Your choice.

Preemptive Hype Victory

By on May 8, 2010

One of the reasons we started this blog was to launch an all-out assault on ignorant and ill-informed media. One of the historically problematic culprits: our local paper, the Times Picayune.  (Though, admittedly, they have improved much over the years.)  In particular, one of those esteemed beat  writers is always on our Shit List: John DeShazier. If anyone ever mastered the “Our team played great but sucked doing it and I’ll tell you how and why they suck,” J.D. has.   His article in today’s paper?   TT6 and can’t find it online.   As far as I’m concerned, they pulled it, knowing the Hype would rip it apart.  Score one for the Bush Doctrine and us.  Too bad for the Times Pic, I’m going to talk about it anyway.

The article focuses on new owner Gary Chouest embarking on his interview road trip with team president, Hugh Weber, and general manager, Jeff Bower, looking for a new Hornets head coach; and assumes Chouest is monitoring and assessing Weber and Bower at the same time. Of course, Johnny cites no sources, no authorities for this information, and his story is 100% speculation.   Okay.  Fine.  He’s an “editorial” writer.  Fair enough. But I know what you’re saying, how can I verify what he said if it’s not online?   Well, here it is, in black and white.  Look to the right.  I’m just going to focus on his most absurd points.   For example, DeShazier argues that Bower has more non-playoff appearances since becoming GM in 2005 than playoff appearances (3-2).  Neglecting to mention that Bower took over after the team was thrust into the much tougher Western Conference and blown up; also not mentioning that he built a winner from nothing.  DeShazier also points out that Bower’s teams have declined in victory totals the last three years.  Neglecting to mention that the place from which the Hornets were descending was the best Hornets regular season record ever.  Or that two of those three years were the team’s best, by far, since moving to the Western Conference.  Okay, but this is all really small fries, nit-picking a fellow journalist, who, as you all know, is already on our bad side.  But then he makes the mistake which no doubt got his article pulled from Nola.com.  Some of you may have already skimmed ahead and ruined the surprise.

DeShazier writes: “and just two draft picks – Chris Paul in 2005 and Darren Collison in 2009 – can be considered successes.”  Well, certainly they were successes.  But, I don’t know, maybe there was a guy drafted last year by Bower called MARCUS THORNTON.  Listen folks, Thornton broke the Hornets rookie records for most points in a game, most points off the bench in a game, most 3s in a season, most combined rookie points in a season (with Collison), and most points in a single quarter.  Oh yeah, he also holds the non-rookie Hornets’ records for most points off the bench and most points in a quarter.   He also made the Second All-NBA Rookie team, and by most accounts, was the best 2-guard out of this year’s rookies.  So if you’re John DeShazier, wake up this morning and give yourself a nice hard facepalm.  Because you deserve it.

As to Marcus Thornton, on behalf of New Orleans, we apologize for all the haters and idiots.  We’ll be back next year, cheering you, hyping you, and watching you help this team back to the Playoffs.

Darren Collison, who finished 4th in voting for Rookie of the Year, made the All-Rookie first team, and Marcus Thornton made the 2nd team. I’m super psyched that the coaches who were voting seem to have gone the best player route, as opposed to the “we need to fill all 5 positions!” route. The beneficiary of this was Lil Dimes, who ended up on the first team where he belonged, along with the other three star rookie point guards. And be assured, I WAS about to kick ass, take names, and flip into vigilante justice attack mode if Thornton got left off the teams, as I was afraid he might be.

But.

While a lot of people are gonna be like, “Second Team is great for a second rounder who got picked at #43, is an undersized 2 guard, and was in a suit to start the year!” I am extremely wary of going down that path. None of those things are Marcus’ fault. None of those things were ever fair to begin with. None of them are indicative of his real talent level. They are indicative of a lot of things some very wrong people thought about him several months ago. I agree 100% with everything Ryan Schwan wrote in this post today on Buckets’ advanced stats and talent.

It was what it was, but none of it was ever fair. Marcus Thornton will do well to remember that. And use it.

This is a gratuitous photograph of Lil Buckets and Lil Dimes eating crawfish. Or rather, of Buckets sucking away on his crawfish like a Louisiana native while Dimes gives his crawfish a very focused "what is this small red creature and how do I take it apart?" look.

I wrote a guest post on Hardwood Paroxysm on why I think the NBA needs to reach out to its female fans. It’s also on True Hoop, along with some related thoughts. Check it out, Hornets people, and let me know what you think.

For anyone who’s checking out the site because of that post, expecting to see all sorts of ranty “female” blogging, sorry. We’re fresh out of that today.

But we do have a nice Wu Tang/Chris Paul mashup and… uhhh… a very short video of Marcus Thornton dancing at practice. (via @ABC26RobertO)

Chris Paul Brings Da Ruckus

By on March 22, 2010

[Intro: Shogun Stern]

Hornets shadowboxing and the Chris Paul ball style
If what you say is true, the Hornets and Chris Paul could be dangerous

[Intro: Bower Robotnik]

Do you think Big D’s Carlisle-style can defeat us?
En garde, We’ll let them try our Hornets’ style

[Chorus: Buckets and Dimes da Fleur de Bee]

Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da mother, bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus

[Verse: CP3]
Grief Merchant, catch the blast of my hype verse
Speed bursts, I leave ‘em in a hearse, I’ve done worse
I come rough, tough like basketball leather
Make your head rush and ankle snap, not so clever
Aw shit, Chris Paul clan spark the comeback
Over Big-D, quick cross-over like Magic,
Causin’ terror, my stare’ll damage your whole line-up
J-Kidd got locked the fuck up and left tryin’ to flop
Hornets style, hazardous ’cause we wreck this dangerous
I score points at this like Drew Brees and Reggie Bush.

[Verse: D-West]

I watch my back like I’m locked down
Hardcore bumpin’ low, watch me pick and roll and tear it down
A literate-type balla, double-double, no doubt
You watch all those corny Mavs’ playas fold
Yeah, they flop and all that, earnin’ stats,
But yo, my clan’s rollin’ like thirteen Killa Bees
Now your act contrived, I guess it makes sense
Chris Paul, his play’s sweeeeeeeeeeet, represent
I wait for Nowtiski to act up
Now I got him backed up; slap to his face now, react, what?
Meanwhile that’s one in the basket
Chris Paul tasked it, and I got 36 ways to jack it.

[Chorus: Buckets and Dimes da Fleur de Bee]

Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da mother, bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus

[Verse: Peja 13]

I rip shots hardcore like porno-flick bitches
Rollin’ with a team of ballas with mad riches
Check it, my method on the ballcourt’s bangin’
Hornets floor moves leave your mouthpiece hangin’
Bust this, I’m shootin’ like Seagal in Lawman, can’t miss,
The roughness, yes, the rudeness and ruckus
Redrum, I athletically assault with the hot hand
Murder-one – my style shot your knot like a machine-gun
I’m hectic, I wreck it with the quickness,
Pass the rock, and da competition get blown
By this nasty-ass playa – Lil’ Buckets will own you,
Chargin’ like a bull and bringin’ the ruckus
He be bad, ragin’ up the floor with the fab, no crab
Dribble drive, I scream on your ass: “bring it on…”

[Chorus: Buckets and Dimes da Fleur de Bee]

Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da mother, bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus

[Verse: Oak]
Yo, I’m more rugged than my Bobcats roots
Our new recruits and me fuckin’ up invading troops
I break loops and trample fools while I stomp
A mudhole in that ass, cause I’m straight out the swamp,
Creepin’ up on Nola, now it’s Ladies Night for us
And my Hornets’ style is mad fuckin’ dangerous
More deadly than the stroke of an axe
Choppin’ through outstretched arms, *swish*
Givin’ bystanders heart-attack harm
Playas try to flip, tell me who is at the 5, him?
I blow up his fuckin’ zone, make it a vicious act of terrorism
You wanna bring it, so fuck it
Come on and bring the ruckus
I provoke players to make buckets
I’m makin’ ‘em wet, but I ain’t sweatin’ my fame
Who’s sellin’ gain, I’m dishin’ out a deadly game
It’s not the Mavericks, it’s the Chris Paul hip-hop roulette
Slip up and get played like a sucka at the net.

[Chorus: Buckets and Dimes da Fleur de Bee]

Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da mother, bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus
Bring da motherfuckin’ ruckus

[Outro: Aaron the Incredible Bulk]

So bring it on…
So bring it on…
So bring it on…
Punk ballas.

Sorry, guys. It won’t happen again.

Things You Knew Were Possible All Along

Things You Knew Were Possible All Along

Best in the West? … Down.

Best in the East (and, in fact, the NBA)? … Down.

Who wants next?

CP3 v. III

By on November 11, 2009

From Hype reader Mark comes this preview (click to magnify for ultimate detailed view) of Chris Paul’s new sneaker, the Jordan CP3.III. CP3... 3This new version is due out 01/02/10, which is actually less than a year after the CP3.II’s, which, if you remember, hit shelves around Mardi Gras time. My take on this colorway: love the pattern on the upper, not a fan of the speckles. (I’m actually never a fan of speckles, though, so you can take that for what it is. Haha.)

For more views, check it out.

But really, this is all very exciting, because it means we will get another shoe release party. Discerning fans will remember that Ryan Bowen wore a fantastically ugly plaid shirt in 2008, and James Posey continued the tradition by wearing one in 2009. Which Hornet will wear an icky plaid shirt to Chris Paul’s shoe release party in 2010? I cannot wait to find out.

See? We here at Hornets Hype care about the important things. Just kidding. More Chris Paul shoes means another step toward World Domination for our fearless small leader.