By ticktock6 on April 16, 2012
This is a Limited Edition Ticktock6 exclusive, coming at you live from the basement. I have come out of retirement to create this categorized compendium of possible Hornets names.
Regarding “serious” names versus joke names… Well, that’s how it is with this sort of thing, isn’t it? A name one person comes up with as a serious suggestion, another person thinks is hilariously lame. So I have decided to categorize according to topic and not joke/non-joke. Hopefully you can decide whether something is a joke for yourself. Hopefully (which is the real trick) the official selection committee can also decide.
Please note that in the case of C or K names, we have the option of going all Golden State and being the Crescent City ____ instead of New Orleans. I have seen that idea kicked around a couple of places. I don’t necessarily like it, but it is an option.
If you have ideas that aren’t on here, please leave them in a comment!
Stuff That Is “Uniquely New Orleans”
Krewe (** See Big List of Singular Nouns, below, for more on this)
Potholes Filled With Water (Oh. Sorry, I had a bad drive home from work just now.)
Tanks (Because everyone’s got tanking on the brain, so why not go all the way! Also, the World War II Museum)
Death (Because of ghost/vampire lore… the logo would be a giant SKULL.)
Pistols (As in Pete, not guns, but I doubt this would fly.)
Voodoo (It’s taken though)
Buccaneers (note that our ABA team was called this)
Nutria (These are giant rats. I am not making this up.)
Gators (Been done.)
Crawgators (I saw this somewhere. It is not a real thing. But fine. Sure. It’s an animal. Sigh.)
Shrimp (Seriously, what is wrong with people? Do you want the team to get beat up? No animal names unless it’s something mean. The cardinal rule of animal names, people.)
Foods: Because There Aren’t Enough Edible Teams
Jambalaya (Yes. In the singular. BOOM.)
Booze: Because Why Aren’t There More Teams Named After Booze?
Beer (In the singular. As is. The New Orleans Beer.)
Something That’s Like Jazz, You Know, Musical… Because We Can’t Have Jazz
Brass (Note that we used to have a minor league hockey team called this)
Bounce (What? Musical form that originated in New Orleans, you say? And everyone can shake their booty during timeouts! It will be H-O-T!)
Funk (GUYS. And it has a DUAL MEANING. Music, and the smell of the standing water in the gutters on Bourbon Street!)
Mardi Gras Indians
Wild Men (I would totally root for this team. Just saying.)
Wild Tchoupitoulas (I am extremely partial to names the national media will not get/be able to pronounce.)
List of Singular Nouns Which, Like Neck Tattoos, I Am Against In Principle But Some of Which May Be Marginally Acceptable
Krewe (I personally find this better than most singular names due to the fact that, like a team, a Krewe is a group of people. If we are the Krewe, I prefer to be the Krewe of New Orleans instead of the New Orleans Krewe. The reasons being twofold: 1) It matches Mardi Gras Krewe nomenclature, ie: they are all Krewe of ____, 2) It yields the abbreviation of KNO rather than NOK, which would remind people too much of the Hornets’ much-hated Oklahoma City stint after Katrina.)
Brass (this is a popular suggestion, and appears above under Music, but it is also a dreaded Singular)
Humidity (When we played the Heat, things would get sweaty.)
Breeze (Ho Ho, we have a player named Drew Brees. We won’t forever, doofwads. Plus this name sucks.)
Bayou (I guess my thing here is the same as with animal names. The first evaluating question should be, “CAN IT KILL YOU? OR AT LEAST FUCK YOU UP?” If not, probably best to move on.)
Carnival (Or the Crescent City Carnival, as opposed to New Orleans. How alliterative.)
Names Which Are Counterparts to “Saints” But Which Are Mostly Lame
Archangels (and its Gil McGregor-esque pun twin, Arc Angels… shudder… No, look, I could hardly type it. I WOULD DIE.)
Crunk (After the Saints’ touchdown song, naturally! Actually, can we just do this? I would put aside my aversion to singular names to be the New Orleans Crunk.)
Names That Really Are a Joke. Really.
Latter Day Saints
Polygamists (the idea being that Salt Lake City gets so offended at the proposal of these names, they trade Jazz back to us)
… The Twitter Section’s pet idea. Please note that both S’s in Hustlers will appear as dollar signs on the jerseys. We designed this team’s entire concept during the 3rd quarter of Hornets/Jazz. It has meanings on multiple levels. 1) Basketball players who hustle– the innocent meaning that you save for Grandma, 2) Drug dealers– let’s face it, we have a lot of drug dealers in New Orleans, 3) Dudes who scam you by asking you where you got your shoes, 4) There is in fact a Hustler Club on Bourbon Street. The team colors are green, chrome, and diamond. (You will have to ask @LSUhornet17 what the color diamond entails, exactly.) After wins, they drop fake dollar bills instead of confetti. There is a massive built-in array of songs and sound clips involving Hustlers. Instead of “The Hive” the arena shall be referred to as “The Club.” What’s the logo? Glad you asked. This.
Wishful Fucking Thinking