The $#*t List is a frequently updated list of who’s not giving the Hornets the appropriate amount of love. People/entities committing other dubious actions deemed by the owners of this site to not be in the best interest of the Hornets will also be eligible for the $#*t List. And just because we are local does not mean New Orleanians and our local media get a free pass. So be careful what you say about the Hornets, because you will be unceremoniously $#*tListed. And it’s easier to get on the List than it is to get off it. Ask ESPN.
Who’s got a spot on the List currently?
- ESPN. Just… everyone. You are dead to me.
- SI.com. Repeated headline FAIL. Click to magnify.
- Rick Kamla. ‘There is NO WAY Kobe is not MVP. Who could even SAY that?” ……… Unless, of course, there are in fact lots of people saying it.
- Ken Berger. Who wrote on article entitled “Hornets’ Chandler uses sting of voided trade to motivate”, which was a fairly solid article until I got to the following sentence: “Though Chandler said he tries to stay out of “the management thing,” he can see the empty seats in New Orleans as well as anybody.” ………… Um, where? The Hornets are 19th in attendance average, but that’s because their arena is mad small and seats about 3-4,000 less than other NBA arenas. If you go by percentage, the Hornets are #8 in the league. Their arena is filled to 99% capacity! CAN I GET A FACT CHECKA UP IN HERE? That’s all I’m asking, people. Journalism FAIL.
- NBA TV, 2-25-09. I realize this means they’re actually on this list twice, but I’m going to start putting dates now to indicate specific transgressions. We came back from a home game recently and turned on the highlights…. we watched for AN HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES as they showed other games two or three times and never showed a single highlight from the Hornets game. Seriously? Seriously?
- Sonics Fans. Now they’re writing articles and posts about how they want our team? You know what? I supported you assholes. I’m down on team-thieving in all its forms. Clearly you’re only down on it when the motivation is selfish. It’s on, former Sonics fans. This was a huge mistake. Huge. (But I’ve moved Sonics fans down a few spots because I read this and felt that some of them, at least, are on a better path.)
- David West Haters. Whatev, Mr. West. You just keep on rolling.
- Tracy McGrady. He knows what he did.
- LeBron James. Because if I see that stupid chalk thing one more time I will go crazy. His antics irritate me. Do you realize every single one of his tattoos is about himself? He has the name of his Nike campaign tattooed on his leg. Yeah. That should tell you something there.
- Hornets fans who boo the team. How spoiled are you?
- NBA TV, 12/17/08. Oh, NBA TV. You were doing all right this year, albeit despite the rampant turribleness of your studio crew, until tonight you perpetrated such an egregious crime against decency that you are pretty much going to occupy the top spot on this list the entire season or possibly for life. Oh, see, you are barred. “Tonight, we had a playoff atmosphere.” We thought, “Oh goody, here it is! Leading off!” …. Celtics vs. Hawks. Wait, what? OK, OK. Game 7 playoff rematch, same as us. OK. Fine. “And now, LeBron James!” Versus the ###king T-Wolves. Wow. Scintillating. What did he do? Throw some chalk and then douche? HOW DO YOU NOT LEAD OFF WITH HORNETS/SPURS/CP3’s RECORD BREAKING STEAL?
- Running out of beer INSIDE THE ARENA. Seriously. Is this a professional organization or not? I went to one of the few places that actually serves Abita beer, the only good beer served in the arena, and BOTH Abita taps were kicked. Seriously? Is this a frat party? I had to walk the entire circumference before I found one still serving the good stuff. Come on, New Orleans Arena. You really think you can sell the name to your arena when you can’t even sell beer right?
- Hubie Brown. In all these years, some intern has not brought it to his attention that he is pronouncing New Orleans wrong?
- Running out of beer at the Buzzfest. Listen. You guys are professional entertainers, right? It is your job to make sure things like beer do not run out. It’s simple right? You blow through six kegs or whatever, next time order seven. Continue and you have enough. Yes, yes, some marketing intern told you it’s more marketable to sell $9 beers rather than $1 beers, but guess what? There are reasons casinos give it out for free. People who are half way sauced spend more money. And they’re more willing to lose their restraint, i.e., yell louder at the game. And that’s called home court advantage. Think about it.
- NO Arena Instant Replay Operator. Seriously. Do you understand the concept of installing a fifty-foot LCD screen thirty stories up? It. Is. To. Show. The. Fucking. Replay. I mean, first of all, it’s courteousness to those of us without videographic memories. Secondly, it’s part of the home court advantage. You replay a close call, we all boo, and then the refs have second thoughts. It’s how it works. They hear nothing, they’re convinced they made the right call. Only we had nothing to react to. Yeah. Maybe the Arena is holding out for a corporate sponsor, like on the play of the game, sub of the game, and 3-point plays. Whatever.
- CST and their lackadaisical updating of the score 20 seconds later. At least they acknowledged it. “Oh, in case you hadn’t noticed while watching the fourth quarter of an INSANELY CLOSE GAME, the reason the score has been disappearing for long periods of time is we’re having some difficulties.” Yeah, right. Except they had “difficulties” all season long last year. Not only did the score disappear last night, but it looks like CST is going to continue to have their issue where whoever updates the score sucks, as in it’s 54-51, then Peja hits a three, then Corey Maggette scores on the other end, then they run back to New Orleans’ end, and hey, what’s the score, oh wait, STILL 54-51. In another classic CST moment, the shot clock froze at 24 on one of New Orleans’ possessions… and stayed that way halfway through Golden Stat’s ensuing possession. Yeah. We love you, CST!
- Pre-Game Prayers. Those of you who don’t attend games at the Hive may not realize this, I’m sure they never show it on television, but each game, before the national anthem, the Bees kick off everything with a prayer by a rotating carousel of ministers and priests. It’s unnecessary. I’m sorry, Mr. Shinn, you’ve done a GREAT job with the team. But your faith has no place in the public arena. We pay the money for the sport, not your missionary zeal. It doesn’t matter if you pray for just the Hornets or for both teams, for good health or peace on earth, and/or whether you mention Jesus by name or not. The point is, not everyone in the arena is Christian, let alone alone religious. This from the league that wouldn’t let players criticize China during the Olympics. Man, can’t we just keep it to basketball? If you really want to use ministers, keep them behind the scenes, blessing the food so we stop getting sick. (P.S. TT6 here. I would also like to note that both the times this year the minister has outright thanked God in advance for our victory, the team has lost.)
- Bill Simmons. ‘Cause that’s how we roll.
- John DeShazier, bitcher writer for the Times Picayune. Seriously, man, do you hate New Orleans sports? Were you beat up by jocks as a youngster? You are so quick to tear down everyone in your articles. Even the ones where he acknowledges success, he prefaces the article with something like, “after forty years of misery, finally…” It took him all of one bad home game to rip the Hornets. Although, after CP’s recent record-breaking night, he was all gushing. So we’ll see.
